Well, I am married for 2.5 years to a man that is 9 years older than me. I am 25 now, he is 34. We got married in 2002 after a 2+ years of "dating", if you could call online relationship a dating. Anyway, we fell in love with each other and decided to get married. As of today, we had sex 8 times. Yes, 8 times in 2.5 years. The last time we actually had sex was March of 2003, and even then I got drunk and made him do it. The next morning he told me that it was simply disgusting.... He is not impotent, he does not have an affair, he is not gay, and he tells me he loves me everyday.... However, he NEVER tries to be intimate with me, and hates when I bring up this subject. I am only 25 years old, and I already feel like a very old woman. I tried a lot of ways to change our sex-life. At first, I was surprised and simply waited for him to come to me. Then I felt anger...I cried a lot and tried to make him explain what was going on... Then I decided to pretend that I didn't care and I didn't respond to his attempts to kiss me and hug me (yes, he still thinks it is normal to kiss and hug your spouse)... I tried to seduce him, I tried to simply talk to him without yelling and crying... I tried to persuade him that we need to seek professional help, a therapist... Nothing worked. I started to hate myself and thought I was not attractive or something... As a matter of fact I have always considered myself a very sexual and attractive person, I am in a great physical shape and have never had problems with men whatsoever. I noticed that little by little I started to feel no sexual desire for my husband. The only times when I could actually feel aroused was when I had a few alcohol drinks and watched some erotic movie. Those were the only times when I even considered sex with my husband (without luck). I went without sex for months... and simply started an affair. Yeap, I cheat on my husband with another man, just for sex. I want to have those "feel good" hormones rushing through my body, at least once in a while.... I want to feel human touch, kiss, hear that I am incredible and actually capable of turning somebody on. I want o feel loved. I do not have this feeling when I am with my husband... We still sleep in the same bed... But right now I would not notice if he wasn't there...
Or, I forgot to mention our arguements... They are ugly. My husband is so much resistant to this subject of conversations, that he does anything possible to make me stop talking about it, and that includes insults, threats and even physical abuse (that happened a couple of times).
I read "Sex Starved Marriage" book... but I guess I bought it too late. This book is intended for those people who actually WANT to change their sex lives for better... But for me, at this point, nothing will work. Only divorce... I hate to think about it, but I do not want to waste my best years of life for a man that will never make me feel like a woman, and will definitely never be a father of my children...
I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there who is in the same shoes as I am....
I do not know. I know that I loved him before. Right now I feel nothing. I know that even if he ever tries to touch me, I would feel repugnance - and I fully understand that this is the way I unconsciously protect myself. If I let myself care about it as much as I did before, I would probably continue blame and torture myself to the degree when I hate all mankind. Is there anything in marriage that is worth saving anyway?...
Quote: WHY DID HE MARRY ME if he could not give me love I needed? And it is not like I asked for something out of the ordinary...
Did you two discuss this before you got married? I know it seems pretty basic: "Do you like sex? How often? What do you like, hate, refuse to do, love to do?" I guess I should have discussed this more with my W before we got married, but I didn't.
Is there anything in marriage worth saving? I don't know about YOUR marriage, but there is a lot in MY marriage worth saving, and I've ML with my wife 4 times in the last 2 years. It's a question you'll have to answer for yourself.
Actually, I agree with Paul. No sex. Won't even discuss it. Physical abuse. Get out now.
But this is a DB site. We're here to try to save or improve our marriages. It just didn't seem right to read such a small snippet of what's going on in your M and then tell you to run for the nearest exit.
