Hey Russ, That is a tough one about going where OM will be. It would be awesome if you could be strong and show your W your strength of character. She will expect you to get angry and confront OM. I mean, who wouldn't. I have actually thought about going to my H's work and confronting OW and I am not a confrontational person at all. But just think what she would think if you did not react like DB suggest if you did the opposite of what she would expect. You have to be ready though and be very strong to do that. I am not sure I could do that right now, myself. Do what you feel is right and what you are ready for. You are right about sounding like a teenager. My H is so unreasonble, it just drives me crazy. I wish we could just shake some sense into our spouses. If it were only that easy. Let me know what you decide to do. Have a good evening! Sherry
Sense may have arrived??? WAW e-amiled saying how sorry she felt and the kids were sad at the day care, I mentioned we are not alone and this site. Offered to forward address, she accepted, Did, Changed my handle, She can find my post if she looks, I do not think I have said anything bad. It feels like she is at least thinking about the outcome we are headed to.
I hope see opens her eyes before this truck we are driving hits the wall.
Am I grasping straws..??
Enough about me, What is new with you? We you strong today.
Hi Russ, Wow, things do sound hopeful for you. I don't think you are grasping at straws. Remember to look for those little things (the hug, being sorry, thinking about the kids). I think (just my opinion and I am new at this) these are good signs, those little things DB tells us to look for. It sounds like WAW may be having 2nd thoughts. You really need to be strong and DB like crazy!! If WAW is rethinking things you need to DB so things can continue in the right direction. I am excited for you. Let me know how things go.
After this morning, things got better for me. I was strong and still am. Three days of no backsliding (YEA!!), working on the 180's and being positive and normal at home. We actually laughed and had fun yesterday. Don't know what H thinks, but I felt good about it. This week will be hard though because it will be a stressful week at work. My goal is to be strong though. Keep DBing D!! Sherry
Will WAW be there? Do you feel like you can handle it without losing any ground you may be gaining? It would be great at this point if WAW could see you not react to OM. She would expect a reaction. Just think what would go on if you didn't act the way she expected you to. I would only do it if I felt really strong and felt I could stick with the DBing. You don't want to lose any of those baby steps you have seen. I don't know if this helps or not. Keep me updated.
I am learning to not bring up OM. The last time he was brought up was around Christmas. She said it was over then but my W is so consumed with figuring herself out (correctly known as self-centeredness), that I think she thinks okay to lie if to protect herself. I am trying to be as trustful as commonsense allows.
My sitch is married almost 17 years, D16 and S13. My wife still lives here and is trying to work on R. We are in counseling (separately). She has almost walked twice since I discovered the A. This weekend was rough. I backslid a bit which caused us to get into a discussion of our R. She said some pretty sad things but at least I know where her head is. Things like, She wishes she was dead, "Why don't I just let her go". That she has "screwed up this R". Unfortunatly, my wife is prisoner of past resentments and doesn't know how to let go. It is almost like she is punishing me yet she is the one to have the A. Anyway, I am rambling a bit. I truly think my wife is in a midlife (I am 41, she is 39) so I spend some time on the midlife board. I am task oriented so you can guess that I am having a difficult time with this. I want to fix this but you can't fix what you did'nt break.
George, I am slowly, ever so slowly learning to. Boy, is it hard. I screwed up last night and this morning. Last night I asked a question I shouldn't have and H got angry. I did let him have the last word and the conversation was very short. No long drawn out talk which H hates at this point. So that was one good thing. Although this morning, I checked cell phone account and found out the answer to question last night. Anyway, I backslid and got angry myself this morning. Was not a good situation. I apologized but I am getting tired of this emotional rollercoaster. My H does not want to work on our R. He does not think he can end it with OW ( the talking part anyway). I don't know. I guess for now I keep trying to DB and to stop backsliding. I also want to fix this. I know I wasn't always the best W so am trying to 180 some things. But I also know things could have been a lot worse which H refuses to admit. It is so frustrating. Sunday and yesterday were good days. I felt good like I could do this. Then this morning I open my big mouth. This is so hard. Keep me updated on your sitch. Sherry
I have a problem with GAL too...it is not easy when there are kids involved. I am also not an expert DBer but I'm trying....post some small realistic goals for yourself and your R. One of them should be to stop snooping...I stopped checking my H's emails a little over a week ago and although it is hard, and yes I still obsess I don't really know anything. What I do sometimes instead of replaying some of the emails I have seen over and over in my head is "act as if" there is an email in there that says...Hey, haven't heard from you in awhile or seen you online...or I understand your decision to try to make your M work.....I know it is wishful thinking but it does help with my PMA!
Unsure, Thanks, You are right. I keep backsliding and it is frustrating. I can't seem to keep my mouth shut. I know things go much better when I do. Yeah, Not snooping is one of my goals. I can't check H's email or cell phone. He actually had his cell phone locked so only the person with the password could check his messages(him of course) and of course he deletes anything else (incoming and outgoing calls). I haven't even looked at that in weeks. I hadn't looked at the cell phone account in over a week until this morning. I didn't look at # of minutes or messages. I just wanted to see if my gut feeling was right last night (that H had snook outside to call OW) and it was. I know H is going to call OW so I have decided to not look at the account. It will only hurt. I like your "act as if" suggestion. I will try that one. What is your situation? Thanks for sharing. Sherry
