Unsure, Thanks. For right now we are not telling anyone but boy did I want to tell his parents this weekend. I don't at this point want anyone to treat him different if we work this out. I know there may come a point when I will have had it and tell him to leave and then the cat will be out of the bag. But at this point it is still between us except for a mutual friend. Yeah, I think I will do what you said about calling him after we are there and telling him we wont be home for dinner. I had already decided not to give him advance notice. I just can't do that yet. I can't give him that opportunity. Things seem a little better but I don't wont to get my hopes up.
I really don't like Mondays. Never did before this but now they seem worse knowing H is going back to work and will see OW. At least I haven't said anything about R or OW to H today or since Saturday evening. Boy I want to though. It is always there. Did you call OW, when, how long. Called H tonight on the way home about some groceries we needed. He didn't pick up the first time I called. The second time H did pick up; I wanted to ask so bad, were you talking to HER is that why you didn't answer. But I didnt. When and how did I become this person? This is not what I was like before this.
Sorry about the ranting. This is just so hard and confusing. Sherry
Quote: When and how did I become this person? This is not what I was like before this.
Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. Last April after the first mini-bomb I saw he was talking to an old girlfriend/friend and read some of her emails...I recall saying to him "I don't want to be the W that says you can't talk to someone, but I don't want you talking to her." He stopped talking to her but it didn't really do any good...she has a boyfriend or H, maybe if I wouldn't have taken her away he wouldn't have talked so much to FF/OW...but, it doesn't really matter now. Hindsight is 20/20. Amazing though how the table turned, I did not feel threatened by FF/OW at all based on the emails I saw from her but I did feel threatened by FF/EXGF because her emails were more about he deserves to be happy, the kids will be fine, mine are and I always wonder what could have happened with us if only...but don't be too hard on yourself, I try not to be, I stumbled across naked pics of other women on the computer and from that day I started snooping....I was on Dr. Phil's website and one of his articles says those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing...interesting concept huh?
Good job not mentioning OW, just like in my sitch, I am hoping she will become the needy and insecure one and I will be off GAL and happy and confident. I know that is not really DBing but Michelle also says in DR that it does make it more difficult to DB when there is an OP involved.
Have you ever tried to contact OW? I'm not suggeting you do it I'm just wondering....I am so tempted to send FF/OW an email or call her and ask her what the F do you think you will gain from this internet/EA?? But I know that will only bring me further from my goal...I'm sure if we end up divorcing I won't be able to hold myself back...but only time will tell!
Hang in there, at this point I wish not so many people knew but he did move out and you can't hide that for long...but I am a talker and I always feel the need to tell people more than I probably should...my friends and family of course think he is a total Ahole!
Unsure, Yeah I haven't mentioned OW or R since Saturday evening. I am really trying not to have any blow-ups. That is when H says "you want me to come back to this." That seems to be all he remembers. It is so hard, it is always there in my head. I haven't emailed H today and it is killing me. I am waiting to see if he emails me which he hasn't yet. He has emailed first before but not lately. So, today I am sitting tight. I know I will probably be disappointed. It just kills me that he will see OW and talk to her and I am out of his head completely while this is going on. YES, I have thought about talking to OW and emailing. I have actually dialed her # on more than one ocassion. Got it from cell phone bill. H was furious. It was at a bad time for us (lots of fighting and emotions). I have actually thought about going to his work and confronting her there. Actually drove part way one day, but got my senses and turned around. H said he would stand behind her and not me if I did that. That really hurt. She has kids but is not married, never been married (kids from 3 different men--YUCK!!!). So I guess she is looking for a H for her kids. Well, she can't have mine! Yeah, if we D, then watch out I will not hold back at all. I will tell her exactly what I think. I have already told H that our kids will be limited in the dealings they have with OW because of her situation if it comes to that. I don't want my kids exposed to that at this early age. He didn't say anything. I am clinging to the fact that last week H told me he had had serious doubts obout his R with OW (would not give me any details). It is still going on and know soon the next cell phone bill will be coming in. I pay bills so I have to prepare myself for it. Well tommorow will be a week without any serios blow-ups. Only a minor one. I have to continue to show H that I can change and do this. I know he won't come back to me even he ends it with OW if he doesn't see us different. I can't keep doing the "same thing." It is what pushed him away. It is just so hard when you are hurting inside. Thanks for letting me rant and rave. I check your thread later and see how things are with you. Sherry
Good morning, Wel you know what happened when I called the OM. See does not talk to me at all, just about the kids, I miss her so bad.... Just look after you. take care Russ
Please do not feel like you are alone. I am in the exact situtation you are. The only difference is that I have one child not two. My little girl just turned 8 on Friday. She is the love of my life and that is why I stay in the situation I am in. We were seperated back in July for 1 month. He then came back and swore it was over (I really don't think it is). During that one month my husband was stupid enough to expose her to the other woman. Now my little girl keeps telling me she doesn't like her and she doesn't want a step mom. It breaks my heart. So I keep telling myself to stick it out so she doesn't have to go through all the pain and agony. The hard part is understanding why he doesn't see what he is doing to our family. I continue to pray that God opens his eyes. I pray alot. That helps me through the real bad days. I have been dealing with this going on 8 months now and it hasn't gotten any easier. If you need someone to talk to please email me back. I find it easier to talk to someone who has been there. Everyone tells me to get rid of him I deserve better, but if you like me it's not about me it's about my child. I just keep telling myself I am responsible for my actions and I know that I have done nothing to deserve what he is doing and I have done nothing to get back at him so I have complete peace. As for him, he needs to deal with the guilt daily not me. Hope to hear from you soon.
Thanks for writing. Talking like this to other people going through similiar situations makes it somewhat bearable. It helps to know that I am not alone, though. I also pray daily. The times I have thought about just ending it and telling H to leave, I look at my kids and know that I am not ready to do that to them. I also know that I cannot continue this indefinately either. It hurts too much. But, for now I am sticking it out, hoping and praying that things will change. It has only been 2 and a half months for me but has seemed like forever. Yeah, I can't for the life of me understand his thought process through all this. He has said he didn't deliberately set out to hurt me. I don't buy that one. I told him you knew when you started this it would destroy me and our family. He doesn't see it that way. Still doesn't. I also have a friend who says I should leave him and just start over. A whole lot easier said than done. It is hard to explain to someone who has experienced this. I would have thought before all this that I would not be hanging around, that I would have left immediately. But, that is not how I felt at the time. It is hard to explain. There is so much more involved that just leaving. I wish I had complete peace. I do on some days, but others are just hard. There is knot in my stomach or I just plain worry about what he is doing. Do you have a thread? Hope to hear back from you. Sherry
A little sad today. Maybe it is the weather, been raining for 2 days now and supposed to continue until Thursday.
Well H did not email today. Makes me wonder what he is doing with OW. I know he is texting her and talking to her. How can he think about me if he is working with OW and has no contact with me? I know we are to distance ourselves and not pursue, but..... I am having a hard time with that, knowing OW is there and I am not. I don't think he will be thinking about me at all. Am I crazy here? I don't want to go home and be happy. I want to go home and hit him over the head and shake him. That is part of DBing, right? LOL I know it takes time. But, AAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! Okay, okay. Have about an hour and a half to pull myself together and act as if I am happy.
Stop obsessing...I know it is easier said than done...but it makes you feel like crap. Also, keep in mind that as I am saying this I have had IM on all night to see if he shows up online...of course he could be talking to her on the phone...but it easier to get through the day if you aren't constantly obsessed with what he is doing. I have a hard time believing that some part of them isn't thinking about us as they are betraying us...wishful thinking, maybe...I know if I was f-ing around my H would be in my thoughts, of course we are different creatures--the cheaters and the cheatees.
Bad, bad night. Opened my big mouth and brought up R. My mood from this afternoon spiraled downward. And of course, feel much worse now. This just sucks. Got to GAL. Not sure how. Wait and see how I feel tomorrow. Sherry
