The real question is, how are you going to deal with it?
It isn't fair that he continues to do things that tank your self esteem. As long as he succeeds, he will continue to do so.
Please consider this.
He is wrong. You are more woman (and I don't mean fat), than he will ever find somewhere else. He can't replace you, he can't even find someone that comes close. He knows it, so he tears at you.
You must consider that he is wrong, and be strong. Don't let his words tear down who you are. They are simply not true. There is nothing wrong with your hair, your weight or your makeup.
You can not look like a computer enhanced digital magazine image. No one can, not even the original photographic subject.
Call him on it, whether or not you divorce him. Call him on it because it is the right thing to do for yourself.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I wouldn't try to talk you out of D. But I think your H will. If you decide not to divorce, I would only do it on the condition that the two of you get MC. He has to learn how not to sabotage a relationship if he wants to maintain one with anybody.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
I just got back from the gym where I contemplated doing an extra round of exercise because my H said I needed to lose another 20 lbs. I decided instead to do an extra round of exercise because it would make me less p*ssed off.
I am relatively calm now and I have decided to not throw out the BB with the bad sodder. However, please let me know if I become too much of a bummer to those who are still trying. I am really such a complete goody-two-shoes that I feel guilty about posting on a divorce busting BB when I want a divorce.
I want you guys to know that I did stand up for myself when he said those things. I told him that if his sexuality was really that superficial then I wasn't interested in it anyway. I was thinking about it at the gym and I decided that his remarks didn't make me want to improve my appearance to please him and they didn't even make me want to improve my appearance to find someone more HD. His remarks made me want to go right out and find a guy who was HD for me just the way I am and then I could change my appearance to please him (and I would be willing to change it every night -French Maid Costume, black leather, thong &halter- bring it on!).
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I don't know what to say. Welcome to the 'my H is acting like an idiot' club.
You're a strong woman. You'll land on your feet, no matter how this ends up.
...Just read your last post...
Don't go, please!!!! I may be almost as close as you are to D, it would be nice to compare notes, if I end up there as well. Besides, I'm sure I'm not the only one that appreciates your sharp wit and unique point of view.
Sounds like a bunch of excuses by your husband to put you off asking for a "better" sex life. If you were 20lbs lighter with a perfect make up job, would it really be any different over the long term? I wonder if there is some other issues that are being swept away by coming up with yet another set of excuses?
For what it is worth, for me I don't really care if my w is overweight or not, rather I care how she feels about herself. The more she cares about herself, the better I feel about her and our relationship. As far as physical intamcy goes, in my ideal world I would only ask that my wife would desire to have a passionate relationship with me. I don't think I would even want to have a runway beautiful wife and sacrifice any amount of warmth and passion for "beauty". I bet most guys would feel the same.
Keep working out to make you feel good about yourself, but I doubt that it would make a big difference in your physical realtionship without getting to the bottom of what is the real issue with your h.
JJ, I'm not going to talk you out of dumping him. I don't know what his game is, but you don't need to put up with this kind of treatment. Yikes-- what a baby! But please don't leave the BB. Your thoughts and comments are very valuable. There are plenty of men in the world who would love to meet a woman like you... just look very carefully or you will unconsciously attract the same kind of guy. Watch for those red flags VERY early!!
The first time I went out for a drink with my bf the day we met, we had an intense five-hour conversation. When we parted, I got a VERY lukewarm hug...hmmm... a teeny red warning buzzer went off in my head and I ignored it. I'm not saying that that alone was grounds for not pursuing the R, but there were other teeny signs early that I talked myself out of.
I know you're not looking for anyone right this minute... jsut wanted to throw that stuff in.
