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CATHYYYY!!!!!

Oh, my GAWD, woman, how ARE you?! So great to hear from you!! Especially on this subject...

I had to ask myself the next day why in the world I'd ask a bunch of HD women if they swallow... what the he!! was I thinking?

This topic came up (literally) between the H and I Saturday night. I'm not big on the swallowing. Can't stand the taste. I do it every now and then, but I have to either be drunk or just outright friggin' randy... {{shudder}}

No offense, guys, just can't do it... but I don't mind giving BJs (I'm actually pretty good at it, if I my H isn't lying)... and I'll pull away at the last second because he taps my shoulder to let me know. He asked Saturday night if I'd swallow, and I said, "no, probably not, sorry... and I go on about my business.

H always tells me at the moment, because I can't tell the instant before he's about the cum... but this time he didn't and he shot off in my mouth... which is an instant too late.

I was pissed. I was so pissed I was dead calm. He said he was sorry, he thought I knew when he was about to cum, which just pissed me off even more.

How would I know that?

He said he was sorry, and he sounded sorry... but I was so pissed I couldn't speak. That's how pissed I was. Not a pissed where I was ready to throw something at him, I was volcano pissed... like, one more word out of you and I can't be responsible for your physical safety pissed.

Then he says to me, are you mad?

ME: "Yes"

HIM: "You're probably never going to want to give me another blow job again, huh?"

That notched me up to sirens flashing, one milisecond from overload. I didn't answer because I was focusing all my energy on getting a grip. My priority one objective was cooling down the reactors so there wouldn't be a complete and utter nuclear meltdown. I was thinking: 'my God, I'm going to win the Nobel Prize in 2005 for HOM.'

K. Is it me, or is anyone else sensing a respect issue going on in the Corri household?

Given our conversations from just this past week, and then this... would anyone care to lend me a perspective? I really need to sort this out before I have a conversation about it with the H... I'm over being pissed. Now I'm just concerned. H asked if I wanted to talk about it earlier tonight, and I said no, I'm over being pissed... but the conversation isn't about whether I'm mad or not.

Something ain't jivving.

Corri

Corri.

I have a definite opinion and some things to discuss with you about this incident, but no time until much later tonight to post it.

I do think I know what it is about.

More later.

Hang in there.

-NOPkins-

As a rule, I prefer not to. On occasion, I have chosen to, and it seems to meet with stunned appreciation. If I thought it were "expected" I'd likely get pretty snarly about it, and lose interest in BJs altogether. Yes, I am a terribly opinionated old broad!

Corrie, I empathize, I'd be pissed too. Y'all had a deal. He asked for an exception, you declined, he did it anyway. That's not right.

Quote:

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He asked Saturday night if I'd swallow, and I said, "no, probably not, sorry... and I go on about my business.

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Well, I can't wait to hear what Nopkins has to say about this. I'm not usually intune with the male perspective and admit to seeing ulterior motives where there might not be any.

It seems to me though that what he did was a complete disregard and dismissal of how he knew you were feeling at the moment. It almost seems to have been an "I'll show you" action. He was going to get what he wanted inspite of the fact that you didn't want to give it.

I can understand your level of anger also. I'm sorry but to me it would be tantamount to rape, force and I think I would feel betrayed and damned straight it would be some time before that pecker found itself inside my mouth again.

Also, you are sitting there, clearly upset with him, trying to calm yourself down and his concern is whether or not you will be wanting to give him another blow job? Sorry, but that doesn't sound like sorry to me. Maybe sorry that he might not be getting another blow job in the immediate future. All in all, in my opinion, it seems like a rather immature way of getting what you want out of someone.

It's good to see you too Corri. I stop by and read periodically and just could not pass this subject up. I'm with you on the taste of sperm...yack, yack! Love the texture and feel of it but...yack, yack. LOVE giving a blow job...miss giving blow jobs Hell, now I'm depressed!!

I'll be back to see what Nopkins has to say.
Cathy

Hey, Corri girl.

I am just going to jump in here and have at it. I know you are tough, but this is going to sting - maybe a lot.

Let me also say that I always try to post as usefully, as accurately, and honestly as possible. This time, I hope I am dead wrong.

The thing that jumps out at me the loudest is the paradigm shift in your husbands respect of you.

That shift concerns me because it was a serious enough shift that it caused a breach of trust.

The question to me becomes one of why the sudden shift in the importance of respecting your boundaries or breaking your trust.

From the resources I have studied, when a seemingly sudden change in a spouses respect for the other spouse occurs, a third party has often entered the relationship. There are other 'suspicious' changes that go along with this.

You have indicated a couple (or more) times lately that "something isn't right". You obviously are having a gut reaction to 'something'.

Now that I have gotten that part out of the way, there are some other possibilities.

1) I am dead wrong and he just had a responsibility level brain fart. I hope that is the case.

2) Maybe he is just talking about his marital situation with a female coworker that he has begun to feel attracted to, and the attraction is still just at the emotional level.

3) Maybe he really is stressed enough to do some goofy things.

Wether or not he is entertaining some outside influence, his respect of the relationship is hitting the bottom of the tank. His behavior is odd enough to warrant concern.

Maybe there are other men that don't know when they are going to come. I have never met a man that was that way. I certainly know well in advance before I do - EVERY TIME. I believe that he did what he did on purpose.

I am sorry for this post being somewhat disjointed. I had it all planned out hours ago, but tiredness has taken over.

His greatest concern seemed to be your not giving him any more blow jobs rather than his offense to you. If he is not engaged in an inappropriate extracurricular activity, then his fear that 'Mom' will take away his toy because he abused it, deserves some serious counseling from a professional.

Lastly, I don't want to overreact to an innocent mistake, but I have been keeping up with you and your relationship from the beginning, and this behavior is out of character for your husband. Any spouse that exhibits a sudden increase in their sense of entitlement raises all of my flags.

I will stop now due to brain fade. More later if warranted.

Please let me know what you think.

-NOPkins-

I don't want to freak you out but I pretty much agree with NOPkins. I don't know whether he is necessarily having an emotional affair, but he is pretty obviously "testing" you and your relationship. It's like he's trying to prove that he's right when he say "our sex life will never be good" in an unfair way. At least this is my impression when I try to put myself in his shoes and ask myself why I would do something like that.

OTOH, he may just be trying to express a strong preference for HDW behavior in an inappropriate way. For instance, I related the anecdote about my H not wanting to have sex with me after I went to the gym (For the record, I had showered and put on deodorant before I went to the gym. I wasn't stinky and grotesque. I just had a little salt on my skin.). This bummed me out because my mental construct of a "normal horny man" wouldn't let a little gym sheen put a damper on his drive. Your H's mental construct of high-drive-Henrietta( Hank's sister) might include a little semen swallowing in her behavior profile. I think this is sort of the sense you have of his POV since your response to his action was to take a poll and determine what "normal" swallowing behavior might be. Of course, as we all have to learn again and again on this board, it doesn't matter what "normal" is. You prefer not to swallow. Your husband prefers a sexual partner who swallows. There is nothing wrong with either of these preferences. What was wrong was the lack of respect your H showed by "forcing" his preference on you. If this preference of his is very strong then he needs to act with integrity in his pursuit of it. If your preference is very strong than you need to act with integrity in order to maintain it. Your H could find a sexual partner who was willing to swallow if he made it one of his life priorities. You could find a sexual partner who didn't give a fig whether you swallowed and always hugged you before requesting a blow-job if you made it one of your life priorities. You know the program .

A few more thoughts I had as I tried to empathize with your H.

1) He may still be so emotionally fused to you that he feels like you are rejecting him when you reject his semen.

2) If his feelings about the "semen swallowing" are like my feelings about the "gym sheen" then he may be thinking along the lines of what I actually said to my H when we tried to communicate openly about the issue. He told me that he really had a preference for not having "after gym" sex because he didn't like the taste of salt on my breasts. I told him it bothered me when he told me about these kinds of preferences because it made me feel like he was constantly having critical thoughts about the experience when we were having sex and it turns me off and makes me self-conscious to imagine my partner having those kind of critical thoughts.

I can't imagine not swollowing. In earlier years I hated it, and would never do such a thing. I don't mind it now and H loves it, so....................

Annette

Corri, I pretty much knew what Nop was going to say to you before I read it. You know, if he hadn't asked you about swallowing just a short time earlier, I would have written it off to "spontaneity." But the chain of events sounds more to me like, "won't swallow, eh? Well choke on this, baby!" Disrespect. Yeah.

My W hasn't tried to give me head in 6 years, and the couple times she did, she didn't do more than just kind of give it a friendly hello kiss.

But my ex and my between-wives GF both swallowed, and it was very much appreciated. Just my .02.

Hairdog

Another thought on a more practical note. If you hold on to the base of the penis when you are giving head, you will be able to tell when your H is about to come. There will be a sort of pulse you can feel. I kind of imagine it as the elevator pausing at basement level before it turns into a rocket and blasts off for the penthouse. If you want to avoid swallowing, you could simply slip it out of your mouth at this point. If you want to try and give your H a multiple orgasm, this is the point at which you should apply light pressure to make the elevator stop at floor 2 and go back down to the basement again before heading for the penthouse.