Quote: I'm "in love" with sex. Uhhh....I mean I used to be!...before I went LD.
I'm definitely "in love" with sex, but I still have boundaries concerning my sexual behavior. You still love sex and you're not LD. You've just set strict boundaries for yourself in terms of your sexual behavior. You can't have sex with anyone but your wife and you can't have sex with your wife if she treats you with disrespect. I admire your resolve but I pity your predicament. I will try not to post anything too "hot" that might cause you to weaken in your stand.LOL
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I strongly protest this! Sometimes, your descriptions are the only thing that keep me going, Jenny!
Don't worry. I have no intention of limiting my self-expression. I was white-lying to Barney in order to prove my point that he is only faux-LD through a sort of reductio ab adsurdum argument.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I have no clue what JJ means by calling me faux-LD but it sounds like she thinks I went gay. Further, I had no idea that you could reducto your abs with an absurdm argument. Goodbye hanging crunches!
I've been quite relaxed since I had my little epiphany about how it's totally up to me to decide what I'm willing to tolerate in my marriage or sacrifice in pursuit of a great sex life. It's much easier for me to be "que sera sera" about whether I have sex on any particular day if I feel like I have some control over my sex life in general.
I was thinking about starting a thread entitled "Why I didn't have sex yesterday." in which I would make a daily report about how I was directly responsible for my own lack of sexual activity on the previous day. For instance, I didn't have sex yesterday and here are the reasons why:
1) I was kind of sleepy and not horny enough to initiate sex.
2) I have chosen for various reasons to remain married to a man who is unlikely to initiate sex with me.
I think taking complete responsibility for my sex life or lack of a sex life makes me happy because I hate the feeling of being "trapped" much more even than I hate being celibate. I'm sure this has something to do with "differentiation". Maybe, Schnarch wrote about "differentiation" being related to personal responsibility but it didn't sink in with me. Now I get it!
This afternoon, my H initiated sex with me in a very creative way. He saw that I was a bit surprised at his approach and he said "I'm trying to figure out what makes me tick.". We had an encounter that was as my H said as he tried to catch his breath "absolutely fantastic!".
The wonderful thing is that this afternoon's events make me more happy for my H than they make me for me. I know that I can make choices that will lead to a great sex life for me no matter what he chooses. I am happy for him that he is choosing to experience the pleasure of a great sex life too. I would hate for him to miss out on all that fun!
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I've decided that my new attitude is that I'm kind of regarding my H's sex drive as a force of nature, like the rain, over which I have little control. If it rains on a regular basis, my crops will grow and I'll be happy and healthy. If it doesn't rain for a while, I'll do a little rain dance, seed a couple clouds and put in an irrigation system and if it starts to rain, once again my crops will be growing. If the rain never comes and my crops start wilting, I will seek out greener pastures in which I can once again be happy and healthy.
The strange thing is this attitude makes it more likely that I'll be content with my marriage rather than less likely because I'm not trying to decide what to do or how to feel based on former weather patterns, good or bad, or future predictions, good or bad, I'm just taking each day as it comes, minding my own crops.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
