I actually love doing things for people. That gives my life meaning, maybe that's why I do what I do for living.
You seem to be going through a lot yourself. I hope to have more time this afternoon to catch up on your thread and I'll try to give you feedback. In one of the cainercasts for this week it said that I might do better by taking and giving advice to people when I realize that my situation and their situation is very similar.
One of my friends that I haven't seen in 6 months is coming over right now. She studies Medicine in Hungary (exchange program) and she is in town for the rest of the month. She'll be cooking chicken soup for me and chicken paprikaz (or however the Hungarian spelling is). I'm so excited! I do have good friends that care for me when I"m sick and are there for me when I need them and even when I don't!
Found this in an article I was reading. Thought it was a good reminder for me.
Let it go. It happened. Get over it. If you don't get over it, you are allowing the "villain" to hurt you over and over again.
You give that person far greater power than they ever had to begin with! They may have hurt you in the past, but why should you let that same event hurt you again and again in the future?
Forgive Without Forgetting
By Michele Hickford Special for eDiets
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
psluke This is a great post - helpful in attempting to get past the hurt that happened in the PAST but what about the continuing pain? I know that the moment it happens it's already in the past - where do we draw a line in not letting it get to us when we are still going through it? I guess once the D is final you really shouldn't view anything that WAS does at this point as the attempt to hurt you. It's their life now and they really don't need to worry about your feelings. Of course it's different when they go out of their way to hurt you and spell it out for you any chance they get.
Good article piece...I wonder just HOW MANY TIMES you have been told that on here??
The e-mail to D...drop the stuff about the convo and how he feels. It has been said and is done...no need to re-hash it. Keep the e-mail totally non-personal and strictly business. Either he will answer it or he won't. No need to stress yourself over it. I think it is pretty poor on his side that he STILL wants to leave all of the hard crap for you to take care of. If he doesnt answer you, you deal with the realtor, get the thing done and over with and put it behind you. If he doesn't like it that way, too bad. He is the one dropping the ball at this point.
great the kids are keeping you busy...I think you have needed that in your life more than anything. Sounds liek it is going well with the C too
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
You may not have seen Sage's post to me but it is an awesome analogy. By dwelling on the hurt it is like holding a burning ember in our hands. The only person who is going to get burnt is ourselves. I know you are in a different place, but you can choose to focus on the good things in your life versus the pain. I am not good at that. But I am finding it is possible if I manage my thoughts.
For me monitoring my self talk has made a big difference. When I start feeling down or sad I try to dig into the actual thought behind the feeling and address it! That also seems to be helping.
Really the best thing is going to be time. No fun, but really the only answer.
Your H doesn't seem the type to try to hurt you deliberately, so if he isn't trying to hurt you, there must be a different way to look at actions of his that you are feeling hurt over. I know D parading his tramp around at training club functions feels to me he is throwing it in my face, but in actuality he is just moving forward with his new life and new love. It helps a bit to realize it isn't a deliberate attempt to hurt me.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: Good article piece...I wonder just HOW MANY TIMES you have been told that on here??
More than I am going to try to count, how about you? I just had to be at a place that I was ready to face it and accept it. I have decided I seem to have a need to learn things the hard way. Don't know why and wish I didn't.
I am not stressing over D.
I can't afford to do the stuff to the house at PK that is why it needs to be him. He has dropped a lot of balls and I have discovered is very good at it. I have a feeling J has NO IDEA how good he can be at PROCRASTINATION!!!! LOL
I really am enjoying the kids. Have I told you I am debating a puppy? LOL NOT that I need one, but because of BJ's breeding and age. She is a Sean daughter and a granddaughter of a pretty highly ranked obedience sheltie. She is old enough that if we are going to breed her again it needs to be this year as then we will spay her. I co-own her and she is presently living with the other owner. I hate to add to my group as we have a nice size group right now, but I would hate to pass up this opportunity as well.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: For me monitoring my self talk has made a big difference. When I start feeling down or sad I try to dig into the actual thought behind the feeling and address it! That also seems to be helping.
And THIS:
Quote: I know D parading his tramp around at training club functions feels to me he is throwing it in my face, but in actuality he is just moving forward with his new life and new love. It helps a bit to realize it isn't a deliberate attempt to hurt me.
You've come a long way, baby.
You rock!!!!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I like what sage and you had to a add about the burning amber and letting go not for them but for us. I would've never pegged my SBXH for someone who deliberatly tries to hurt other people - quite the opposite. He would go out of his way not to do it. But then again, I would've never pegged him for someone who will leave me for OW.
OOPS, little bitter up there so I"m moving to next line. Focusing on good things in my life is what actually got me to achieve the sense of "almost peace" that I'm in right now. I know that I"m not a freak of nature and people still love me and therefore I"m woth being loved. I have wonderful friends and family, wonderful pets and once I move out I'll have a place that I will make wonderful to live in. That's a helpful distraction from the thought and my own version of your self talk when I can't stop thinking about my SBXH's actions and their affect on me.
Hmmm...I don't knwo what to tell ya about the house then. My first inclination was to email him and let him know that your were going to give the realtor the go ahead to sell PK "as is" since he has not replied to any of your e-mails regarding the house and you are taking that to mean you should do what you feel is right. You have no money to affect any of the repairs necessary to get full asking price so you have been advised this is your only other option.
THe thing is...D will probably take an e-mail like that as being either pursuing or pissy that he hasn't answered any of yours. That you are just using the house as an excuse to have SOME form of contact with him since it has been so long and you MUST be jonesing Doesn't matter that he would be WRONG in thinking so...it is just your usual pattern as far as he is concerned.
I think you should have the REALTOR contact him and ask what is going on or perhaps your lawyer (since the sell of the house is court-ordered). You DON'T have to see him or speak to him directly to get this handled. If he doesn't like the check he gets at the end of the deal then oh well...it is HIS problem for not wanting to deal with it.
I think a puppy would be great...but are YOU ready for another dog to add to the mix?? That is what we keep asking ourselves even though we want to get another one desperately (NO MORE TERRIERS!).
Hugz, Zoo
"If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm."
- Mahatma Gandhi
