Dear Maya - I'm encouraged you feel the same way about a little mystery, and not second guessing what it is that he is asking me. I guess cultivating good listening skills does not mean we need to let them off the hook in terms of asking for what they want
It is also reassuring to be reminded that clearer boundaries strengthen a relationship - I still struggle with asserting myself in this area. Ugh. Work in progress.
Here is a sub-goal for me to start on right away - no more snooping It has been over a year since I looked in his cell phone, but some days the temptation to look is just so strong. No snooping is a decision I intend to stick to, because what is now more important to me is what I do, rather than what NG does. Phew, I hafta say, it has taken me a looong time, and a lot of processing to get to this point. I feel more at peace now, and need to recall this feeling the next time I get an anxiety attack.
Reading Ellie's feedback over at Totite's thread, that it took more than a year for her H to process his guilt, calmed me. I was getting a little worried about the lack of endearments, tenderness but I can also see that NG is struggling with himself, and does better when I just give him the space.
Hi GBO - It feels good to have you back - I was thinking of you during those news bulletins about the six zeros being slashed from the Turkish Lire
Yesterday was a challenging day. NG had a series of phone calls that he took quietly - that always winds me up. BUT, I held on to myself, and was not even tempted to snoop. Tough, though.
And then, on the way back from dinner, they played a couple of songs on the radio that he told me about a year ago were 'their songs' - yuck. It was very painful. Thankfully I was able to choke back the tears, kept thinking of the tsunami victims, and got over the moment. Does this ever go away?
On a positive note, in my email this morning was a hello from an ex-colleague I'd lost contact with about 4 years ago - a major boost for my goal #3.
Hi Slowly! and happy new year. I've been off the boards, but lurking around the last few weeks. You are inspiring me every day.
I have to catch up properly with your sitch, but it sounds, from my dappled perspective, that the sun is really shining in your neck of the woods. Thanks for checking in on me while I was away. It felt good to be missed.
Talk to you soon. Best of the best in 2005 for you!
It's good to be back on the BB. I missed you guys too. Yes, the Turkish lire changed while I was there. It caused a few banking (cash machine access) problems for some of my friends, but otherwise seemed smooth to me. Suddenly one million became just one. Not so dramatic, but a lot more sensible-sounding.
I can well imagine how the songs would grab your gut. Urk. I have heard it does get better, though two years is not abnormal for the basic process of healing. There are probably moments after that, but not the intensity you have been living. That's my sense anyway. Hey, 2005 has GOT to be easier, right?
Actually, I've managed to have several days in a row where this stuff didn't even cross my mind. Right around Christmas, actually. I had a good three or four days...very much what our R was like when I remember things were really, really good. It was nice. So you can get there...just one day at a time...
It does feel like there are more sunny days over here, as long as I can hold on to myself during the stormy ones. This weekend, NG went out to bat for me over a tricky situation with his sibling, can I say just how good it felt ? AND my MIL too, who normally does not believe her children can do any wrong, was firm in saying in this case I did no wrong. Long story, but I felt very cared for, and protected. Not bad at all.
Quote: This weekend, NG went out to bat for me over a tricky situation with his sibling, can I say just how good it felt ? Long story, but I felt very cared for, and protected. Not bad at all.
Filled my tank quite a bit.
These are the indicators of return of the aliens..... Of course, you heaped praises on your avenging hero....
I am happy that he is taking a stand BY YOUR SIDE!
slowly, oh my how great wonderful spectacular marvolus fantastic that must have felt. and you also know how men love protecting their women, so i am sure it must have meade him feel real good too. dont forget to really show him what it meant to you.
Thanks for the input, Nevanna - It just is so comforting to know that time will take care of the memory issues.
Quote: Actually, I've managed to have several days in a row where this stuff didn't even cross my mind. Right around Christmas, actually. I had a good three or four days...very much what our R was like when I remember things were really, really good. It was nice. So you can get there...just one day at a time...
I'm begining to see light at the end of the tunnel, and its not an oncoming train Just got to focus on the good things, and plan for lost of fun things together.
It has been over a year since I looked in his cell phone, but some days the temptation to look is just so strong. No snooping is a decision I intend to stick to, because what is now more important to me is what I do, rather than what NG does. Phew, I hafta say, it has taken me a looong time, and a lot of processing to get to this point. I feel more at peace now, and need to recall this feeling the next time I get an anxiety attack.
Slowly 
