I'm eating a lot of fruits and nuts these days, and lovin' it! Have you ever had a papaya? There is nothing smoother going down! I'm going to try it in a smoothy, maybe with some mango. I should probably join WW, too, but I'm still flying solo.
Hairdog, don't know if you are hanging out here, but this would be a good time to tell Mrs. HD completely out of the blue, "I love you, I love you, I love you ..." and GIVE REASONS. She is testing you big time. She is not going to give you the answers. (Alright, that came out kind of smug, but you know what I mean.)
I know you both are lawyers, but maybe you need to start treating her like a jury member. You may be surprised how many tricks just might work on her.
My H used to tell me that I was too fat to arouse his interest, but he would also tell me that he understood that it might be impossible for me to lose the weight. To seal the deal he would do things like buy me a giant candy bar everytime he picked up a 6-pack for himself. I think my fat must have been a real comfort to him on some level.
Now that I'm not so fat (I'm still a "big girl" but I like me the way I am.), I've started to become more obsessed with my signs of aging. My sister and I were doing pinch tests on each others hands yesterday. OTOH I'm kind of in complete denial about the fact that I'm turning 40. I was at a book sale yesterday (Book sales are kind of like athletic events if you are a book dealer. You are completely focused on task and otherwise inattentive.) and some guy in his 50s groped me inappropriately in passing. My immediate thought was "Get out of my space you old pervert". I was later amused to realize that I was thinking of someone as "old" who was really pretty much a peer.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Karen: Did you ever have loose skin on your torso after having your babies? I'm sure I did with the other two, but I can't remember what, if anything, helped it go away.
I asked H and he said Do crunches. I tried to explain that it is the actual skin and not what's underneath that I am talking about, but he didn't understand.
I lost it with my other two and I remember it just taking some patience. This week I have reached my goal weight (116 lbs) but I still have the loose skin. I think the best thing I could do would be to do more work with weights and fill up the space with more muscle mass even if it means that I weigh a bit more than I am used to. In general, muscle weighs more but your clothes still fit better so that is what I want to work on now. Oprah has a 12 week thing on her website. I am considering whether to try it.
I have it mostly on my breasts right now so I suppose there's no hope for them. My stomach is still shrinking so at least I could add some muscle underneath that. H asked the other night why my breasts had shrunk so much (he sure notices everything about them for someone who is "immune" to them) and I told him that's just the way it is with pregnancy and breastfeeding--at least for me. After the baby settles into a predictable nursing pattern, say, 3 months or so they go back to a normal-to-large size. He is doing REALLY good with his changes he has made so I don't want to diss him but I would SO appreciate it if his bodily comments were more often positive than negative or neutral. He tells me that I am losing weight all the time so I suppose I need to reframe that statement in my mind from a "purely factual" one to a compliment. "You're getting smaller!" is not necessarily a compliment to me, but perhaps that is how he means it.
Thanks for the advice; I'll check out what Oprah has to say.
P.S. The Pilates tape is still sitting right where it was...sigh. I need to motivate myself!!
I know how it is to try to find the motivation. Lately, a lot of my motivation comes from a little of the "I'll show him that rat b*stard." My H doesn't make positive body statments or negative ones. If pressed he would say that I have a nice *ss but on a daily basis he absolutely does not. He doesn't even say "You look nice." He says, "Thats a nice dress." I guess that means he likes how it looks.
He prides himself about not being shallow about appearance and being different from other men. I saw a conversation about this somewhere - I guess guys who pride themselves on this kind of thing have trained themselves not to notice "female attributes" even those of their wife very much. If your H comments that much on your breasts then I would guess that he is rather fond of them. Nursing bras are just awful - have you found any pretty ones? There are a few out there but not many. I wish VS made a line of maternity/nursing lingerie.
That was my H in the "I wanna be different" convo.
He absolutely PRIDES himself on this facet of his personality. Funny, but I didn't notice it when we were dating!!!!!!!!!!! Then he was complimentary, sexy, raved about my body, blah blah. So I really don't get it. If I ask him, What is it about me that turns you on? then he will list what he likes. But he never volunteers it and thinks it lessens him as a person to do so.
I don't know about him being fond of my breasts. Most of his comments are carefully crafted so that they straddle the neutral line. That way I won't get the wrong impression and think he's hitting on me, LOL!
Ah, like I said, he's getting a lot better. The funny thing about him is this: He compliments my cooking, my mothering skills, my sewing skills..I mean a day does not go by that he doesn't make a nice comment about me in some fashion. He is very kind in this regard. But to make a romantic or sexy comment just stops him in his tracks. Either he doesn't think it, so naturally doesn't say it; he thinks I am not worthy of a compliment; or he doesn't feel comfy saying it out loud. He is sortof like the guy who's wife says, You never say "I love you" and he replies, I told you I loved you when we got married--if it ever changes, I'll let you know.
As you all know, my H has recently claimed that despite recent improvements I am still not quite attractive/sexy enough to warrant twice weekly sex. Therefore, I am compelled to take an objective look at the reality of the situation.
Hair- Thick, blondish, very little gray (none after my quarterly visit to the beautician), wavy, medium length-layered style sort of half way between Farrah and Marg Helgenberger.
Face- Nice green eyes, unfortunately large nose, nice full lips. Very little wrinkling (I am hopeful in this regard because my mother is amazingly wrinkle free at 64). Some age related sagging but this is a mixed blessing in my case because I have better cheekbones then when I was young but a worse jaw line. A bit of hormonal acne but much better than in my youth.
Body in General- Quite close to 40-30-40 on the right day of the month if I haven't eaten any salt in 24 hours and I worked out the day before and I suck it in a bit. If I wasn't the horrible pasty white of a Michigander in January, I would be seen on the beach in a bikini, but probably only if I wore one of those stretchy white tank tops too due to my inability to get my stomach really flat and tight.
Breasts- Somewhere between D and DD. Would absolutely fail the pencil test or even the multiple pencil test, but the nipples still face forward from an altitude of approximately half-way between my shoulders and my elbows. I would be seen on a topless beach if I had approximately 2 margaritas and could figure out how to go topless and yet still hide my not entirely flat stomach.
Legs- On the short side, but pretty muscular and only light areas of purple vein showing (my nurse friend calls these nearacose veins). They look much better if I wear high heels because then they are in proportion to my long waist, but when I wear high heels I am 6 ft. tall so it's a trade-off.
Bootie- I am so grateful to the hip-hop artists and their videos because now I can finally be proud of the butt that nature gave me. Though I would have to say this might be my most improved area as the result of my weight training regime in terms of muscle taking the place of fat. I am a MONSTER on the squat machine and it shows. If I end up leaving my H, I may have to develop a taste for younger men because my body type is more to the taste of the hip-hop generation than the no-butt disco style the boomer men were trained to favor.
Feet- I have no interest in attracting foot fetishists so who cares.
I feel much better now. If I were a man I would be happy to f*ck me.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Physical Inventory all sounds loveable to me. --------------- my body type is more to the taste of the hip-hop generation than the no-butt disco style the boomer men were trained to favor. ----------------- I am an early boomer and like Bootie, so do not sell anyone short because what you were genetically given.
OG Lou. Be proud of what you have, take care of it.
