You ARE doing good. Actually you are doing GREAT!! Grab hold of those emotions and keep them in check! (That's an order!!! ) Why not use this "time" to show up home after H ? He can't say that he was upset about that, 'cause he wasn't home anyway! He's not the ONLY one that has "things" they want/need to do ... right?!
Don't let your H pull you onto his rollercoaster! When he makes those nasty comments to you, DON'T try to make sense out of them. You KNOW better! He's feeling lousy and just trying to pull you "into" all of that. Don't let him!
been a while since I posted here, so I had to catch up. He doesnt leave because he wants to be with you, but wants to leave because he is finding "something" in the b.s. she's feeding him. He's stuck in the middle and feeling the pressure, hence the "temper tantrums" he has.
I dont know what to tell you...
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
Hi TC, thanks....not being home is a good idea....maybe I'll take S out for supper or something.
I think I did my shameless bump before I tuned in to see you had posted....
I have to pat myself on the back though, I just ignored his "sniping" this morning, which was HARD....old Deb would have jumped right in to defend myself but I didn't ....just totally ignored it, didn't respond at all, BUT I was not pleased and I'm sure it showed.
I'm really haveing a tough time today...H's vehicle is gone, coworker ususually drives on Wednesdays, so that means either she's on vacation or H drove somewhere, for something....I don't think ow's vehicle is here today, although I havent been to other building. I'm just really struggling.
I did read something, somewhere, this morning, about the WAS using their sniping as "bait" for the LBS and then they can justify what ever they are doing...I did/have managed not to take the bait though.
I sure have a heavy heart today. I know others have much tougher sitchs to deal with, but I'm still struggling.
I really do believe if he was gonna leave for ow he'd be gone, but how long does it take for the witch to give up? It's truly discouraging.
Hi Bill, it's good to talk to you! I lost you! I need to try to catch up on your sitch....
I'm still here, obviously, still keepin on....I guess....
I swear it makes me pretty nuts because I think we're pretty much where we need to go, then H runs back to lala land.... I can't help wondering if she doesnt have something on him...at work, or.......I don't know....don't know if he can lose his professional license if she turns him in or not... I'm struggling BIG TIME to keep my hands off the rope right now....
I hope you are doing ok..and your little guy as well....I'll try to get caught up soon!
Thought I would stop in between snow shovelings...ugh...to see how you were doing. And here I find you needing a smack! LOL Actually, it's your H I would really like to hit, punch, huh, smack. When I read about the "lazy" comment I saw red for a minute. Good for you for not responding in kind. Although I think that every once in a while you should hit him with a "Hey, guess what, I have a lot on my mind today and I am not going to take any of your crap. So spread it somewhere else, would ya." And then don't say another word.
Most of the time validating and listening is key but sometimes you have to put the brakes on their bad moods. You have to remeber the teenage mind...sometimes they need a good dose of reality ("hey, maybe I am not the only one existing in this universe") to get themselves to settle down.
Okay here comes your smack... Deb, hon, you have to change the routine and shake him up. Not coming downstairs to see him off to work does not constitute a "shake up". Sorry if I seem harsh. You need to focus on YOU. No matter what happens, focus on YOU. You will have to force yourself for a while. It does not come easy for routine persons like you and me. But soon you will get the hang of it and it will become second nature.
You have to turn the tables on him. I know you have it in you! (I am thinking specifically of the chili and the lotion.) You have a devious-enough mind. You just need to get it working in the right direction! The chili and the lotion were hilarious but a little passive/aggressive.
Okay for instance, can he recieve an email from you today? If so, email him and tell him that you have made some plans this evening and that you won't be home to fix dinner. Tell him that it's a good thing he won't be there afterall!
IF he does have plans with ow tonight, I guarantee you he will be wondering what you are up to. So, see by doing that you have 1. Got a life and 2. Upset his plans. Two birds with one stone! I know that your son is a factor in your GAL plans but you can do this....you can work this out. Go to a movie with him. Drop him at a friend's house, etc.
Then some evening make plans to have your h watch your son because you are going out alone. Your h's wants and needs should be valued but not more than your own.
Hey, looks like we've gotten a few more inches of snow. I have to go shovel some more. I will try to check back in later. I hope all of this makes sense to you. I am writing as fast as I am thinking here! And I think I know you well enough to know that you won't be mad at me...good thing.
But listen, try your best to start putting that devious mind of yours to work for you. When you start to feel this hopelessness that's when you need to start making plans.
Hi Dawn, thanks for stopping by, and of course i'm not mad at you! I need your input... I am having a rough day....although I have refrained from looking up schedules on the computer...
Actually, I thought not seeing him off for 2 days in a row was a big step for cling-on me! just joking, but a step in the right direction.
I bet anything he is not at work today, but at ow's....I'm 99% sure she's not here...but again, I'm not wasting my time/energy/effort checking out something i cant do anything about that will only make me feel worse.
I might take S out for a while this evening, we could just go out for a christmas supper. Frankly, I'm really tired this afternoon and just going home and going to bed is sounding good. Hope I'm not coming down with something.
I was debating what I could do to shake H up, and an idea occured to me...I was thinking that when H is gone and S is at a friends house sometime, I will just go...check into a motel with a hot tub...leave h a note that says S will be home at certain time, I needed to get away for a while for some time to think...maybe say see you tomorrow or not, I havent decided.
I guess the chili must have worked last year....I can't get him to eat it now, darn it. It must have worked real well. I gotta get him to eat it again, huh...I've been going to make Friday nights chili nights.
I need to get so much xmas stuff finished up tonight, it wouldnt be hard to be gone....
How much snow do you all have? it's clear and cold and the sun is shining here.
Partly i'm keeping myself restrained from checking schedules by reminding myself that it doesnt matter anyway, because it isnt about him and what he is/isnt doing, it's about me..........that I have no control over his actions, but I can chose not to be upset....
Quote: because it isnt about him and what he is/isnt doing, it's about me..........that I have no control over his actions, but I can chose not to be upset....
it's sorta working......
That's Great!!! Good for you!!!
So what have you decided is on your agenda for this evening?
BTW: I like the hot tub idea!!!
We have 3 - 6 inches of snow here and I think it is sleeting now. It was pretty big fluffy flakes earlier today.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Hi Pam, I'm still not sure about this evening...it is so cold here, I'm wishing we had a hot tub at home... I think maybe i'll take S out for supper...
Darn, I'm pooped this afternoon. Hope to heavens sake I'm not coming down with something.
) Why not use this "time" to show up home after H ? He can't say that he was upset about that, 'cause he wasn't home anyway! He's not the ONLY one that has "things" they want/need to do ... right?!
You just need to get it working in the right direction! The chili and the lotion were hilarious but a little passive/aggressive. 
just joking, but a step in the right direction. 
Good for you!!!