Thanks for the post Nevanna. I have read all of your threads and you have always been an inspiration to me. So H is still working really hard, and I am still setting boundries and taking baby steps. I wish he would understand that he really is moving to fast. It scares me, and makes me pull alway. However, as much as I try not to get exicted about things, I am. Lately I have been getting the "butterflies" again. He is just so sweet. He is 100% putting me before anything ales. He has been out of town for work. He calls me every night sometimes more then once. So I am thinking by the times he gets home, I will be wearing my rings again- I took then off when I heard about OW in sept and have not put them back on since. Am I moving to fast? I finally have my H back. The Alien is gone. If it was up to him we would be living happily ever after by now. So maybe it is time for me start meeting his needs. I no I have been battleing with this for about month, but is it to soon to give back to him?
Thank You Steve. You brought tears to my eyes. It is ok isnt. Why am I looking for people to tell me it is OK. It is okay. I know it, he knows it. I realize that he may "slip" again, but the important thing is that he understands the why's and the hows. We both have come out of this drama better people. We understand alot more. I honestly beleive that OP and drugs will never been an issue again. We no how we got here, and we will both work really hard to never get here again. I told him I love him for the first time since sept yesterday. I have to stop letting fear get in the way of making my marriage work. What do I have to lose? How are you? any news on the M front? How are the girls? Dont forget if you are ever up here you will always have a place to stay.
Thanks Steve, No problems I read the board everyday and post as often as I have time too. Especially to those who need the most encouragement. Beside I am not going any where. B and I still have a looong road a head off us. We are going to start "piecing". Up until today, we should have been in a forum called "H wants W back after H screwed up and W does not know what she wants or what to do" or how about one called " W making H jump threw hoops to get her back, while she just sits they and does NOTHING" . No fear my friends I not going anywhere unless you guys would rather I did not post anymore. Today is the beginning of a freah start. I am going to recommit to my marriage and start treating my H like my H instead of my RM. Dont worry Ellie I still plan to keep the bar very very very VERY high. I will not put up with questionable behavoir. But I have learned to listen better, and B has learned that it is ok to ask for help.
Can you visit LoriMarble over in "I need support for my marital problems" thread. She has only been M a year and is having some difficulty. She needs a boost from a "veteran" like yourself. Someone who's been there.
Sure thing Steve I am on my way there now. My weekend was sad. B is still out of town, and I spent the weekend helping my mom pack up the house. She is moving to bc at the end of the month. My dad and his girlfriend are moving in to our family home. .
Sorry to hear the situation with your folks. It has to be hard. Support your Mom in any way you can. I don't know what to say about your Father. How do you feel about it?
Lori is in the process of moving so may not be back to the board for awhile.
Missing B is a good thing. So you are going to act married again..... Hmmmmm.... lucky B!
Take care and go ahead and use the new long distance any time you want to.
Hey everyone I just thought I would give you all a update and recap. Ellie- Do you think I have made him suffer enough? Just kidding. Me: 27 Brandon: 30 First date: June 19, 2001 Move in together September 1, 2001 Engaged: September 22, 2002 Things were amazing, we had a great relationship, I really thought we had a good balance. Until......... Aug 2003-
December 2003 Brandon gets a new job, starts going out of town a lot more. Life is crazy- we are planning a wedding- I get promoted at work
Jan and Feb 2004 we sale our house, buy a new house, my parents announce they are getting a divorce after our wedding.
May 2004- Move -I Feel like I come second in his life. I am doing everything, housework, packing, unpacking – twice!!! Planning a wedding, make decisions with out him, because he is out of town- I Do not want to make the decisions with out him, I want him to come home, and HELP. So when he does come home for a weekend, I am on a mission to get as much done as possible- because who knows when the next time he will be home. Mean while he spending money like no tomorrow and I am getting more stress, because he keeps spending. But I say nothing, I never told him how I was feeling in fear that he would break up with me again.
June 19, 2004- We have the most amazing wedding day- If was perfect- We have a honeymoon stage of two weeks- were things are perfect- he is home – not out of town – being sweet and loving- in turn- I am meeting his emotional clingy needs-
2nd week in July he is gone again, I am back to doing everything again- when he is home- he is playing ball. We are spending no time together, and when we do, we fight.
August 8th my Dad leaves my mom for OW.
August 22, 2004- the second weekend he has been home since we got married. On Sunday tells me he is not sure is wants to be married.
Stay in the house till Aug 31- this week he say all the typical WAS stuff. I was sure he was having some kind a mid life crisis
Sept 3- comes and gets his stuff- cleans out the account.
Sept 10th- I found out about OW- been see her since FEB 2004
Sept 13- comes over says he loves me, he needs some time – He denies OW
Sept 15 comes over says he needs some time-I dbing- He denies OW-gives me money.
Sept 17 comes over says he needs sometime apart but does want to get back together-I dbing- He admits to OW. He spend the night goes home in the morning to get his stuff.
Sept 18th Stands me up, with not even a phone call. I get a roommate- Big mistakes, but I need money.
Sept 19 comes over says he needs some time-we go to a movie, he drops me off and say I love you I just need some time.
Sept 22 comes over wants to come home for real this time, I tell him he needs to call OW and break it off- He would not call her, I decide not to push him. He spend the night. The nest morning while I was in the shower, he says I love you honey I will see you when I get home tonight.
He never shows up the next day nor does he call until. ( I can call him, because he does not have a cell, and every time I call the friends place of where he is stay, they tell me he is not there. )
Oct 4- Call want to come over to dissus who get what. Tells me he is living with OW. HE MOVED HER TO CALGARY FROM EDMONTON!
Oct 10 We meet - wants to come home- I tell him to do what needs to be done and we will talk. I don’t believe him any more.
Oct 12- We meet he took OW home- wants to come home- I am scared- tell him I think we should take baby sets. He says I have until the 15th of oct to decide. Do not hear from him again until . I later found out from OW she gave him till the 15th to change his mind.
OCT 19th My Birthday- HE did not even call.
Oct 21st- Calls – Living with OW again- Loves me wants to get back together- I am even more scared this time. Tell him again to do what he needs to do.
Oct 23- we spend the day together, he spends the night, goes home in the morning were OW is.
Oct 25 comes over accuses me of sleeping with my roommate. I do not deny or confirm, I tell him it is none of his business- (this was stupid) but it made me mad because he is yelling at me about how I am married- and I am thinking are you kidding me- you told me it is over- you were living with HER.
Oct 26- I go out of town to see my new niece. Manage to get myself really really confused. He treated me like [censored] for months, now I am suppose to jump and down and say Ya!!!! He is back. He calls me everyday while I am in LA-
Takes OW home to Edmonton on the 28th.
Nov 1, He phones, I tell him I am confused and I think it may be too late. He sends me flowers- is in totally panic mode. I go see him, He begs cries pleads .We talk; I asked him lots of questions about OW he tells me “everything” I believe it as truth. - I am begin to feel like the WAW now. So I tell myself to give him a chance. The rest of the week I try, but he is driving me nuts with all the begging and crying.
Nov 6, I tell him I am sorry I just cant- He begs pleads cries- ask for one more chance- again I say ok. But ask him not to call me until Nov 9th. I need some space.
Nov 9 -I missed him, we get together. Have a nice time. I think ok maybe.
Nov 10- I found out he went for lunch with my dad- and dinner with my best friend. THIS makes me very angry. We fight about it, he starts blaming me for everything. Totally backslide. He Keeps saying I am trying why can you not see that I am trying. I turn on the computer and have him read my threads hoping he will understand the pain he has put me threw. Nov 11 – He is still blaming me- I can not even stand to be in the same room with him.
Nov 13- We spend the day together- No R talk have a great time
Nov 14 - He Keeps saying I am trying why can you not see that I am trying- I tell him I have not seen actions to support this- it is just words- He says How can I do this if you will not let me come home.
Nov 17- he goes to his first C appointment.
Nov 18, 19 – get emails from OW- confront him about something. He gets mad that I believe her over him. Come to my office makes a big scene- throws his wedding at me- kicks the side off his truck- speeds off- I meet him- Again confront him about something in the letters- (remember 2 weeks ago I thought I already new “everything”) He tells me some of the things in the letter are true- I said why did you lie to me again- He says to protect me. I tell him he had his chance to come clean , and decided not to take it. Come clean now- He cant!
Nov 20- I do not answer the phone at home, he shows up at the house, accusing me of sleeping with someone else. You know because- NOT ANSWERING THE PHONE = SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
Rest of Nov we say away from one another, He goes to C every Tuesday, He goes to Na every Wed, We go to C every Thurday.
Dec 1-he move out of friends house, and get his own. He gives me every spare penny he has.
We are dating.
Dec 18th we go to his Christmas party- We have a huge blow out- I tell him, I Am Done.
Christmas- I cant let him be alone for Christmas, We spend it with my mom and his sisters.
Dec 26 – He goes to Fairview to see his mom- I miss him.
New years- The first time in months I feel love for him again.
He moves back in to the house as a third roommate Jan 21st. Has his own room.
Feb 4- he gets laid off. More stress.
Feb 14th we have an amazing date- But still no intimacy.
Feb 18th he gets a new job. Starts traveling again, but when he is in Calgary we spend time together.
March 1st Roommate who was also my best friend tells me he is moving out and never wasn’t to talk to me again.
Easter weekend roommate moves out-
I decide that when B gets back on April 1st I will put my rings back on, and we will get back together.
We did, we still have lots of issue to work though. We are still in C and he still goes to meetings.
April 26 I get diagnosed with probably MS. MORE Stress!!!
We still fight, but we are better at working threw our problems.
But we work hard to get through are problem. Brandon actually works harder then I do, but it is time I put more effort in our R. After all it is OUR marriage. But once he came back I decided he needed to prove himself to me. And he has.
Thanks, you are an inspiration. When you were apart did you contact him at all? I just left H and trying to get through the non-contact phase is hard. I am trying to move on, well I have to move on and take myself away from his actions. I am trying to set a certain bar of what I expect. But there has been no communication before I left and to date. Just hope he will make it back to the other side. He was a good man, just has been abducted by aliens (I hear that a lot on this website). If you can give me any tips as to what you did while you were apart or if you had any contact...please visit my thread. I was planning on using the last resort technique. No contact. I am trying to remember the positive. There was so much about 6-9 months ago. I could not have felt more love for my H at that point in time. How things can go downhill Anyway, your words are encouraging. Thanks I think my thread is: should I give him some real space
or how about one called " W making H jump threw hoops to get her back, while she just sits they and does NOTHING" 
. No fear my friends I not going anywhere unless you guys would rather I did not post anymore. 
Today is the beginning of a freah start. I am going to recommit to my marriage and start treating my H like my H instead of my RM. Dont worry Ellie I still plan to keep the bar very very very VERY high. I will not put up with questionable behavoir. But I have learned to listen better, and B has learned that it is ok to ask for help. 
. 
