My H and I did a little mock rape thing last night and his intensity really surprised me. I actually felt a tiny tiny twinge of 'oh this feels scary, not good' because he is really a strong guy..and was doing me so hard that I could scarcely breathe. Which surprised me, cause I like very hard sex. But I guess I had no idea of how hard he can really do it when he wants to. He has always said "You don't want me to unleash on you" when I would ask him to be more aggressive during sex. I think the ferocity of his sex drive scares him, rather than titillates him.
I consider myself able to take a LOT during sex, but this was a little unnerving. Either that or I wasn't turned on enough to really be into it.
Years ago my H wanted to do a mock rape thing also. Although he didn't really get hard, he was a little forceful and it was kinda scarry. That, combined with his control issues during sex make me wonder what the deal is, kwim?
The other day I was trying to express my preferences for aggressive sex to my H. I reminded him of a particularly hot, throw-down encounter we had this summer. I said "I love it when you're super-horny like that.". He said "That's what you want? For me to be super-horny?". He said this like he didn't quite believe me and I was unlikely to get what I wanted. As though I had said something like "My life will be perfect when I win the lottery.". SIGH.
Another psychological difficulty in dealing with my LDH is that he seems to believe that high drive men are brutish. Therefore, I am wrong-minded in believing that I might be more compatible with a HD man because if I had a HD husband he would probably cheat on me or beat me or only f*ck me on top of the washing machine with no foreplay etc. I blame society for this problem because it is probably due to the fact that men rarely talk to each other about sex in anything but a brutish manner.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
This is how my H perceives High Drive men, as well. As a bunch of beer swilling brutes who will use me for sex and nothing else. I have never been able to understand his position: is a pussycat who looks down on brutes, or is he a repressed brute? It really doesn't matter, as he is currently unable to be brutish with me except on rare occasions.
Too bad about the super horny stuff. It would indeed be like winning the lottery!
OK, let me get this right. HDM are beer swilling abusers who don't think W are good for anything but sex. Right? Kind of like the caveman who bonks the W on the head with his club, drags her to his cave, and then boinks her?
LDM are sensitive, caring types that enjoy sex occasionally, but don't really care about exciting sexual encounters. Kind of like Truman Capote on Valium?
But REAL men make excuses for not having sex, won't address the W's concerns about the M, and refuse to aggresively show his W the passion she desires, all while patting themselves on the back for not being brutish. (I don't have an example on this one other than Mr.Wilson and Mr.HP)
As a caveman who doesn't drink or abuse women and wants an intimate R, I'm very confused!
I doubt it would help. My H does not have the intestinal fortitude to sit in a group of guys and say, "My wife wants way more sex than I can handle. I wish she'd give me a break. You fellas have it a lot easier because you get to go to SLEEP whenever you want!"
I almost fell out of my chair reading that. I would give up sleep for sex any time any place. I can't even fathom that thought. Maybe if I wasn't so starved maybe it would be different.
grislen sed: ------------ Maybe it is that us men need to get together and talk about sex....What do you guys think. ------------
I thank I likes a butt em upside a head wit a tre bransh. meks all trimbly wit asire an wonts an sutch.
I specilly likes it wen a ly steel like at.
wut says ewe?
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Well tonite will be an interesting nite. Initially, the schedule seemed to appeal to my H and I think he became falsely HD. He saw the whole thing as a competition and now that he has accomplished the task, he has lost interest. This is probably entirely too cynical but this is my state of mind right now. I am also feeling LD, probably as a result of fusion with his mood. I really don't want to deal with tonite's encounter, but I know I will have to address it in some fashion.
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