Hairy, I've been nicely working on him this morning about the test. I have no idea if he will mention it or not (thought my gut is telling me he won't) but at least he will know how important it is to me PRIOR to not mentioning it and will fully understand what I think of that decision.
I also sent him a questionnaire on "do you have low T?" Honestly, as I was reading the questions, I thought it was a toss up, so I don't harbor any great hopes that his hormones are whacky and that will deliver us from this endless cycle.
You know, the ONLY reason I wonder at all is because he doesn't have sexual thoughts. This blows me away and makes me say hmmm. Otherwise I'd say there are no reasons to think that it would turn out anything other than normal. Though if it would come back high, I think the brutha would have some splainin to do.
As I recall, the T-test was one of the things he specifically mentioned asking the doctor about when he agreed to go to the doc to get his head bump checked. What, now it's not important? Is he embarrassed? Big bad Marine afraid of needles? Or is it just okay to ignore the reasonable requests of a concerned wife, thereby showing her disrespect?
Whatever his reason, I think it stinks.
I hope the head bump turns out to be nothing, btw.
No I mentioned the T test and he blew me off then, too. Laughed it off, to be exact.
I think he is deathly afraid of the prospect that something might be amiss. Like all of us, he wants to be normal. I believe that this would be a concern with a woman but to a man it would be psychologically devastating to have low testosterone. Why the difference, I'm not sure. I grew up with 4 sisters and an absentee father so I'm no expert on menfolk!
To answer your question, his reason for not bringing it up would be embarrassment, plain and simple.
I COULD get him to bring it up but I would have to badger and harangue him for the next couple days and threaten him within an inch of his life.
I'm not going to do this.
He wrote me not too long ago questioning the "validity" of low T. Not sure wtf that even means!
Does he get yearly physicals? How old is he? Make sure he has those yearly physicals if he is much past 30. Get his testosterone checked. Low testosterone can be caused by lots of different problems including prostate cancer. Has your husband ever used steroids? These can cause problems. There are also problems in men known as hypotestosteronaemia and hypertestosteronaemia. Not sure what these are. He needs to get his total testosteron checked as well as his "Free" testosterone. He may just have a simple chemicle imbalance that can be corrected easily. If he gives you any cr#p, just remember to tell him that by the Bible, YOU are the caretaker of his body and he really has no choics in the matter.
He has not had a physical since he has been out of the USMC, which was..gosh...six years ago? He is 37.
No on the steroids. He has a typical altar boy personality. Goody goody, does everything right, etc.
Just got done telling me he was afraid I'd ask for something from VS and he'd have to go to one of their "soft porn" outlets. LOL
Believe me, I've given up on requesting slinky things for special occasions. He did buy me something from VS once but it was a head-to-toe red flannel nightgown. I still have it and still wear it. It's very warm. Oh and it had matching granny slippers.
In all seriousness, he and I are having an interesting conversation today. I find it much easier to say the harsh things that sometimes need to be said when I'm already on edge with him. Otherwise I feel too bad and don't want to hurt his feelings. I've been pussyfooting around the T test for weeks now. I know what a sensitive area this is for him (much more so than, say, asking your wife to get tested) so I chicken out. Today I'm throwing him some hardballs and, to his credit, he's hitting them right back.
I can't imagine how a LD husband must feel? Don't you think it would really work on his ego? Feeling less than a man because his W complains and wants it more?
I know when I am complained about then I want sex even less because I feel less sexy. If when we have S then I am bragged about I feel more sexy. But if after sex, as has been the case a lot the comments are about why I don't want to have sex as much as he wants it then it completely deflates me sexually.
I'm just wondering for a LD guy, I mean they have to "get it up". I think it would be WAY easier for a LD wife to "just do it".
How could they get it up more frequently if they were continually reminded that they don't do it enough?
Rather than tell them what they do that is wonderful. Reward the good behaviors. LIke in children. Then you'll see them do more good behaviors. I'm not saying to not ask for what you want. DO. Just don't complain to them when they don't give it.
I have gotten this a lot. My self esteem, if derived from my H alone would be NOTHING.
Brag about what he does well. Skip the complaining. Kindly ask for what you want. Really. This simple formula if used on me as a LD W would work.
Really too bad that he doesn't want to check into some hormone help. But, don't you think that maybe his ego is just really effected? If it wasn't his ego and he felt OK, don't you think he'd get medical help if necessary?
I do reward the 'good behavior'. In fact, 99% of the harsh things I say remain right here, on this bb. I have to get them out here, so that I don't blast him with them.
And, truly, Nicegal the harshness comes into play because I have said the same things..and made the same requests for YEARS now. At what point does he either agree to try or say f*ck you, I'm never gonna do that?
Why keep making promises that he is too lazy to keep? (and that's not me making a slam on him, he wrote me this morning and described himself as such)
I am actually very easy to please. But he chooses to please himself instead so what can I do?
He even had the NERVE last night to say, Well this is not a night that's on our schedule. You said Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays.
I said, H!! You would not agree to the schedule and now you want to pull it out because it suits your mood?!
He is something, I tell ya.
As far as his ego, yes, I'd say his sexual ego is pretty much smashed to smithereens. In some ways I am to blame for that. I said some pretty awful things to him in the beginning. I have taken responsibility for that and stopped that behavior. I also apologized for it. I'm sure those mean words still ring about in his head and I would take them back if I could.
As far as recent behavior goes, I'd say that his OWN behavior is what reduces his ego. I contribute to this because I refuse to put up with less than what I deserve--and what we both agreed upon. He wants to cop out and then wants me to prop him up and make him feel better about his choice. I don't do that. I get the impression that he (and perhaps other LD people) wants the positive reinforcement when they meet their partners needs and also when they don't--in the form of "It's okay, I know you mean well" etc. I am only human and I get sick of propping him up. I want him to take responsibility for his OWN ego.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh. I am in a VERY direct mood today, that's all!
My wife pretty much told me to take a flying leap when I suggested she get her teostosterone checked. Unfortunately, it is a little hard to push her to get these checked, and if they are low, to ask her to take testosterone. For women, testosterone can have nasty side effects like body hair and liver failure. It is a chemical that can make sex better, but it certainly is not needed to maintain her life. For men though, low testsoterone can be a sign that things are wrong, and I am not sure their are any nasty side effects if men have to take testsoterone. In fact, it might actually be good for him.
You are right, do not ever encourage his failures. Don't criticise them, but do not let him off for missing his obligation, do not reinforce bad behavior. He will eventually figure out how to change so he does not miss his obligation.
