Thanks for the post, HP. I totally understand (as much as a mere man can) the fear and hatred you have for men. Men can be bad. And yes, I often wonder if my W is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in her head, in which men just give up and turn into Vikings. I find it hard to imagine the Dalai Lama wearing an iron helmet with horns, slinging a woman over his shoulder as the village burns behind him, but perhaps she thinks this is ultimately possible.
As you recognize, this is not the core issue.
On another note, as of last Saturday, I've been a member on this site for a whole year! Happy anniversary to me.
Corri, I'm glad you haven't lived here the last 20 years. Then you'd know the reams of excuses about sitting in the family room, on the sofa, on the floor or anywhere near me at any time. Sometimes we forget to express the background here. All of you seem to know what's going on and that some of the details can fall by the wayside and are so important.
Corri, thanks, for you have just pointed out to me that I'm tired of it to the point that I should just pay up the nose and toss him out. Thanks. Happy Holidays, now what should I tell daughter when she flys in for the Holidays?
Ok, snide as that was you can't keep it up forever. Outside of going to a trade show, there has to be something he wants to do together that is fullfilling and he can take the inititive on. I dont want to feel like the lazy teens mother.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
Now, now, ladies. I'll have none of that on MY thread.
Corri's words can cut deep. But the reason they hurt so bad at the time is because we're not ready to hear them yet. I used to cringe when she would reply to my posts, knowing that her words could cause my heart to ache. Now I look forward to her postings, knowing that she can tell me, with clarity, what I am being too blind or ignorant or afraid to see myself.
And your postings, Liese, are rich with valuable insight, too. I don't know about anyone else, but I look forward to the day that your BF either has an epiphany (and a strong erection), or that you kick his ass out.
And I really knew it watching those firemen after 9-11. Here was everyone tying to get as far away from the scene of the horror (as they rightly should!) and here were the MEN, doing what men have always done throughout history: striding into danger because they want to protect others. That is the bottom line for me.
Generally I'm a "glass half empty" person and have a hard time seeing the bright side of things, but even though I have known and worked with some real a$$holes in my day, my overall impression of men is that they are good, hard working, want to please and take care of the women and children in their lives, but in many ways, have been hamstrung (or castrated) by society's rules that they have to be tough and not feel or cry.
One of the things I like best about my bf (and my late husband was this way, too) is that he has an old-fashioned nobility about him. He would fit well into a role as an 18th century sea captain or something. I don't know how he turned out this way, as he had NO father on the premises growing up... only his mom's succession of boyfriends. He is self-made, I guess.
And no, I didn't have a good relationship with my father, so I don't know where my attitude about men comes from. My father and I lived under the wet blanket owned by my mother. He probably would have been happy married to someone else. My father and I made contact a couple of times in my life-- we broke through the barrier. One of the times was right before he died (on the phone; I turned down his invitation to come and see him in another state). We both apologized for not being a better father/daughter and it was very sincere. I feel more cared for him from the Other Side than I did when he was alive.
Remember the scene at the end of The Magnificent Seven when the three little boys who have been tagging after Charles Bronson (one of the hired guns) say, "Our fathers are cowards! They are afraid to fight!" And Bronson grabs them all and says, "Don't you ever say that about your fathers! They go out every day and work hard so you and your mamas and your sisters will have enough to eat and a place to live! I have never had this kind of courage!"
Don't mean to hijack-- just wanted to say that men are great! With all their baggage and struggles, they get out there and do what has to be done! And I salute them!
Thanks, Lillie. I think some men are great just like some women are great. We're both great at some of the same sorts of things, and we're great at different things.
I love women. I love the way they look, the way they smell, and the way they feel (when I touch them). Now, how did I end up with a woman who doesn't like me to touch her? Beats me?
I love women. I love the way they look, the way they smell, and the way they feel (when I touch them). Now, how did I end up with a woman who doesn't like me to touch her? Beats me?
Hairdog
Aw Hairdog.... I don't know. I guess we all ended up singing our own version of that song. And I don't know how or why it happened to any of us.
2ndChances and HD: How can it be that someone would NOT have touch as a love language? Out wives apparently don't, but this makes absolutely no sense to me. Touch is an incredible thing, and yet our wives don't like it. It is like they are dead to the world. It just seems to me that Physical touch should always be in the top two or three love langauges, and not last.
That was a nice comment. I also am most impressed with men who aren't ashamed to be men. Your reference to "nobility" is right on target. You don't have to be a king to be noble. You just have to stick up for what's right.
We often talk about how "disadvantaged" kids don't have any good male role models. What about us middle-class types? Only rarely do we hear about great acts of courage anymore.
And, closer to home, I don't think that men should become more feminine in order to improve their marriages. Masculine traits, such as confidence and strength, are needed in men.
