I have had two dreams in the last week where my DD3 ends up dead. In one, she is on one side of a busy street, sees me, and, although I don't actually see it, I know she is hit by a car. In the second dream, she is sad, goes and lays down in a pothole in the middle of the road, is missed by many cars, and then one changes lanes at the wrong time and . . .
Just the most awful dreams one could imagine. I mentioned these to a friend I have who knows my situation and he says that he thinks these represent my mind working on my relationship with W . . . destroying the one thing that really binds us together.
I know that dreams are just dreams. These are powerful, and painful, and make me not want to go to sleep anymore. Understand, of course, that I love my DD3 deeply, and would never do anything to harm her. My friend's intepretation bothered me, though. Both my W and I have, in anger, said that DD3 is the only reason we are still together. And during our last "talk", when I told her that I would not stay in a sexless marriage forever, I basically said that if I determined that it was in DD3's best interests not to live in a house with two parents who didn't know how to show love to each other, I would probably leave.
Just venting this a.m. I need to get some errands and chores done. I may not get to check in until Monday, so have a great weekend everyone.
Sorry to disagree here, but your friend's interpretation of your dream is outright wrong.
When we dream, everything in the dream has to do with ourselves. In this dream, your daughter, someone you love very much, is actually yourself.
I'd say these dreams are about you and your self-doubts. You are afraid to stand-up for yourself for you think that if you do, your world will shatter.
This is actually very, very good news in my book. Your fears are bubbling to the surface, where before you could not even acknowledge them. Understand that emotions are emotions, that is all that they are. You don't have to be afraid of your emotions. You control them, they don't control you.
At least now you can hold and touch your fear. So do. Get intimately familiar with it. Mull it over in your mind. Examine it. The more you are willing to do this, the less power the fear will hold over you. Cause really, you don't fear for your daughter or your wife... what keeps you in gridlock are these horrendous feelings you have... ignoring your fears keeps you from solving your problems.
I'm not dumping on you. We all do this. You cannot change what you do not acknowledge. Through your dreams, however, you are beginning to face yourself. And once you are okay with that, then you can stand up for yourself and get these marriage problems solved.
Good going, guy. I think you have ample reasons to smile, even if it might not feel like it. Major, major steps for the dog.
Quote: HD: I have yet to figure out why DB.com locks a thread. It does not seem to have anything to do with elapsed time or # of postings or # of lines posted. Hmmmm. Any insight? /tangent
- Chris.
I think it's done to prevent a thread from getting too long which would discourage people from reading it to completion, also forces the person to start a new one and sumarize what has occured on his last thread. Other then that beats me...
Hairdog, I had a similar dream about GD2. In the dream, she got her dad's / SIL gun out of the closet and it went off with the bullet hitting her. Did not know if GD2 died or was injured somehow. Scared me so much I woke up.
I told D32 about it. D32 said she and her H were looking at a gun safe so I gave D32 $100. D 32 knows a friend of mine was killed when I/we were in second grade. The friend was just looking at his grandpop's 22 when it went discharged.
Corri: Thanks for commenting. I'm going to have to brew on this for awhile. My friend's interpretation seemed so much more straightforward, even if it was more creepy.
Are you this good with your H? If so, he's a very lucky man.
In your dream, your daughter sees you and you are unable to stop her from getting hurt. It is an awful dream but does say a lot about your guilt and anxiety as you confront your marriage situation. The fact that you are in such pain really does show your commitment to her.
It's hard to read about your torment because I have been there and because you are someone whose warmth comes through, even on a computer. Your sense of humor is a gift.
Corri is right... you are moving towards health, although it does not feel that way. Your mind and body will not tolerate the status quo and this is a sign of your humanness.
HairDog Sorry for butting in on your post above. I just wanted to thank Corri for some of her opinions. I should have just said how frightening your dream must have been to you and left it at that.
I think the unrealistic dream fear about your daughter being killed due to your inaction may reflect your inability to process what may be your worst case scenario regarding custody if you leave your wife. Your wife is an intelligent woman with a bad temper and a competitive streak. Is it possible that the end of your marriage will result in the end of your relationship with your daughter? What steps can you take to prevent this from occurring? Unfortunately, as long as you are on the fence about the future of your marriage, you are unable to make decisions or take actions that will benefit you in the future. Indecisiveness always leads to anxiety. I don't really know anything about divorce or custody law but I can easily imagine that you might be better able to effect a positive outcome for yourself if you were to just quietly move forward with the goal of divorce and shared custody in mind rather than leaving yourself vulnerable by risking your wife taking action in anger if you were to take an even stronger stand on the sex issue. On the other hand, I firmly believe that taking a strong stand on the sex issue is the only way you are going to be able to save your marriage.
If there is any truth to my theory, I think taking whatever action you can in order to protect your relationship with your daughter in the event of a divorce is something you need to do in order to "differentiate". This is the equivalent of Focused Flutist having to make plans to be able to support herself in the event of divorce or my own need to improve my body image to the extent that I could confidently imagine having my sexual needs met as a single woman. I think being able to pull off the mental trick of simultaneously working towards a happy future without your spouse and working towards a happy future with your spouse is the only way to be successful, otherwise your fears for the future are overwhelming and will render you far too wimpy to take a stand.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
JJ... I really like your solution-oriented post. I also think the dream has something to do with not protecting D3 ( she is a toddler in the middle of a busy street). HD, you posted before about the fact that you could not leave your older children, so perhaps there is guilt/anxiety over feeling you are choosing them over D3.
Anyway, I am sure there are many interpreations to your dream...the idea is to figure out what most resonates with you, and beyond that, to make some steps/ strategies, recognizing that it is okay to make mistakes along the way.
