I agree with barney, thank your hubby for his sweet attentions, then tell him something like this;
"Hubby, I love you so much. The gifts are wonderful and I really appreciate them. I know you went to a lot of trouble and put a lot of thought into the gifts. In the future, you can make your life a lot simpler, and save yourself some time and money. My real needs are very simple. What I need from you, is for you to want me - emotionally and sexually."
I bet that will stir his pot : -)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
You are soooo right - it is that LL thing again. My H keeps hearing that same message but just doesn't respond with changes - just keeps with the household help, cards here and there, pecks etc... My question - if he knows it then why doesn't he ante up? JL's issue is very familiar in my house - feeling like a witch for asking for "more, better, different" than he seems willing or able to give.
Sigh - JL I know where you are. Just remember that your needs are legitimate.
If ANYONE can get their LD to talk honestly and openly, please advise why a motherly act of remembering your favorite snack food, especially if its something they wouldn't ever eat, or doing a "nice" like a small boy presenting you with a dandilion bouquet, is ANYTHING like the warmth of embrase or ML?
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
About two weeks ago, I did exactly this. I told him that I appreciated everything he did, but that he was missing out on what really spoke to me. Since then, I have repeated it in various ways, up to and including last nights "Please touch me..it is my LL, you know!" (we were laying in bed and I was touching him and my skin was craving his hands. He readily complied but rarely remembers to do it on his own.
I'm losing patience with this man o mine. You'd think that he was the village idiot, but he is an educated, intelligent and successful man. He gets an A+ in all areas except those involving my love language. In that, he gets an F--for fcuking stupid! LOLOLOL Hey, I gotta make myself laugh.........
Whew - I know the feeling of the "skin craving" and my H is also getting a F in my LL. He has even said that he feels "like a little boy" not getting things right. AND he is a consultant who specializes in communication, management and teambuilding training. He even talks about how "incentives" at work must match the things the employee values. Honey - I think I will join you in that beer you mentioned in your thread!
Karen wrote: --------------- ...My question - if he knows it then why doesn't he ante up?... ---------------
The same reason you are likely missing his most important need.
The very thing that needs the most attention in a marriage, is the same need that a respective spouse finds the hardest to attend.
It takes time and effort.
I can use myself for an example. MrsNOP has longed for many years for me to notice her when she is 'all fixed up'. I always compliment her beauty when she is wearing plain clothes or has paint on her face - basically when she isn't 'all fixed up'. In my mind, that is when her real beauty shows through.
Regardless of what seems logical to me, she wants to be noticed WHEN SHE HAS MADE AN EFFORT. I am beginning to understand that. Even so, making it a habit to do something that my brain considers counter-intuitive is the hard part. I AM getting better at it though.
I think it is important that both spouses recognize that simple difference in how we recognize each others needs. Then, 'frequent reminders' doesn't become nagging by either spouse.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
