HD, you can be as kind toward her as you want, that includes snuggles, etc.
What you don't do is let some sweet moment when you are feeling all weak-kneed cause you to engage your mouth with the likes of "Maybe I can learn to live without sex" or other weak sounding diatribe.
Taking it a bit further. Let her initiate. When she does, coy will not do. She needs to state her desires clearly. Ignore anything less.
She may not think that you are having an affair, but your change in attitude certainly has her perplexed. Don't be an ass, but do be the strong man in your relationship. Be the official.
Next time she snidely mentions something about the 'girlfriend', instead of some comforting gesture, look at her sadly for a moment, say nothing, then turn away. If she asks you honestly and upfront, "are you seeing someone else?", then give her a straight forward, honest answer.
Reward forthrightness, turn away from bull stuff.
Have you considered taking a course in emergency medical preparedness from the RedCross, or maybe rock climbing?
Think about this - Your strength has to offset her feminism.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
NOP is onto something wrt strength. No whining, no fear of ambiguity. Remember we were talking a while ago about exercising? My recent happiness has come at the same time as increased fitness. I'm also letting her do more thing, becoming less of a controller. All these things help give a sense of confidence.
If she wants to hug, I don't think it is at all a sign of weakness to hug back.
A real feminist wouldn't have to talk about it so much.
HD informed us: ...my W said, (trying to be funny or sarcastic or facetious or something), "It's a good thing we weren't having sex." Huh? So I said, "yeah, it's a good thing." --------------
You're getting a lot of good advice here, which I'm sure you know. I'm just wondering why you didn't reply, "Good for who?" and wait quietly until you got an answer from her?
Greetings from the dark and dreary north - where we've had a spectacular show of Northern Lights this evening.
It does sound like you've got Mrs. H-D sitting up and noticing. I'll second what NOPkins said about strength - I know that would do it for me, but then again, right now just about anything would
Hang in there, I hope you're able to get somewhere.
http://www.urbandictionary.com 1. Cojones=Spanish slang; meaning having balls, not scared If you steal from a store, You have BIG cojones mayne
http://www.m-w.com Cojones=no definition, similar word? Gonad Main Entry: go·nad, Pronunciation: 'gO-"nad Function: noun, Etymology: New Latin gonad-, gonas, from Greek gonos: a reproductive gland (as an ovary or testis) that produces gametes - go·nad·al /gO-'na-d&l/ adjective
OG Lou Interesting that words on east coast sometimes mean different things on west coast. Just checking to be sure.
Hairy, I thought of you this past weekend as I was reading a small article. It was written by a woman and the very first line was "I used to be a radical feminist." Then she went on to describe how she was finding herself changing because she had a son of her own. It was opening her eyes to the fact that men and women are just different and that you cannot chalk up these vast physical and chemical differences to culture and a patriarchal society, etc. It was very humbling for her to watch her son grow into a MAN (he was a teenager while she was writing) in front of her eyes and know that she raised him right and yet...yet...he was still turning into a man!! It was funny, despite the fact that she was not writing it to be humor. Kindof a "oh dear, what a shock for this lady.." type of read.
Anyway, I wondered if having a son would have changed your dw's mind about the nature of men?
HP: Thanks for thinking of me. I'd love a link to the article if you happened to be reading it online.
I don't know if a son would have changed my W's thinking. Understand that she is dealing with two stepsons who she has watched grow from 8 to 13 years old, and 10 to 15 years old, respectively.
As I've noted, at least in regards to the SSM subject, her feminism is just another in her litany of convenient excuses not to make love. Her fear of intimacy, sexual anorexia, lack of self esteem (body image and sexual competency) are her real demons which she will have to deal with before we can make any significant inroads on curing the SSM.
I haven't posted much lately on my current situation, mainly because not much has happened with us lately. I did have this conversation with her last Sunday, right before DD3's nap, during which W planned to nap with her:
H: Maybe after DD3 goes down for her nap, we can spend some time together. W: Doing what? Napping? H: Maybe that, but maybe something else. W: Like what? H: Like lying together, naked, snuggling. W: No. (pause). But I appreciate you asking.
It was light hearted, and I'm not sure what she meant by "appreciate." At least its better than some responses she could have given.
Right now we have all the kids (4) at our house until next week, as my X flew to Korea for a vacation yesterday. It's unlikely that anything will occur while they are in the house, although stranger things have happened.
Hi HD, It was out of a real book, so I can't send the link. I do think that, in this instance, having it be your biological child that she raised from birth would make a difference. She can always blame your sons' behavior on their mother, you know?
Oh well, it doesn't matter. I just found it interesting and wondered if your wife would have had a similar reaction.
As far as your convo from last weekend, wow, HD I think you are really on to something. If she is sounding (dare I say it?) almost contrite b/c she won't ML to you then you are doing something right. Whatever you're doing, keep it up. She's melting! I don't think she's on her way to becoming HD, but I think the seed is being planted in her brain that perhaps this is not the right way to go about being married.
