Pam -- I'm sorry to have not been on the boards when you needed a hug (a whack? no way). sounds like you did a great job of seeking outt he positives -- which doesn't surprise me at all!
I suspect you're right that it is the grieving process and that goes as it goes -- makes perfect sense to me that it wouldn't be full bore negative/sadness or full bore eupohoria. People are "gray" Pam, right?
As for finding a therapist...could you ask your doctor (could just be via a phone call) or that friend of yours that you've spoken with? If you still have insurance you can also call your insurance company for a referral but I think personal referrals are best.
Don't be shy about asking for a free 15 minute "consultation" to see how the chemistry is. That could even be over the phone and may really help you separate the good from the not-so-good.
Hope the positive attitude you found last night is still around this AM!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
It really needs to be me pull myself out, and I think I am getting a little better but it still needs lots of work.
I do still struggle with the "gray", black/white is easier to figure out! But I prefer "gray". Just gotta keep working to get there.
My doctor is quit a ways from me and I would like to find a therapist closer to home.
I left S a vm asking about referrals but didn't hear back from him.
After this weekend there is no way I would still be on the insurance. It really was bad. D was yelling wildly at me and that is the last we spoke to one another. I think that I am grieving the finality of everything now. It seems to have happened in stages as our R and our interactions have changed in stages, till now there is nothing left.
The positive attitude is coming and going, but it will eventually be back I'm sure.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: My doctor is quit a ways from me and I would like to find a therapist closer to home.
Yes...but she may know someone in the area, right?
Quote: I left S a vm asking about referrals but didn't hear back from him.
Call him back and leave another message!
Quote: After this weekend there is no way I would still be on the insurance. It really was bad. D was yelling wildly at me and that is the last we spoke to one another. I think that I am grieving the finality of everything now. It seems to have happened in stages as our R and our interactions have changed in stages, till now there is nothing left.
Would it help to get off your chest what happened?
Also...and I'm not trying to minimize your sense of "finality" but there's a lot of time between NOW and FOREVER...it may well be that there will be room in both of your lives for contact...or there may NOT be...but it will be your choice as well as his, I suspect. We've all been in situations where we thought an R couldn't survive in any way shape or form a blowup but they often do.
That being said...my two cents it that turning your attention to YOUR future is a great place for you to put your energies.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
The wife of the attorney I spoke with is studying to be a marriage counselor and I asked her this morning if she could recommend someone.
She is also her H's receptionist on Mondays and Wednesdays. Seems really nice. She gave me the name of a counseling service that she would recommend and they have therapists with different levels of degrees working there it appears from their web site. I do know S said I need to see a psychologist since I am dealing with the medication.
Quote: Would it help to get off your chest what happened?
Not yet, possibly eventually. Did you receive the e-mail I sent over the weekend? My e-mail has been really flaky lately.
Quote: Also...and I'm not trying to minimize your sense of "finality" but there's a lot of time between NOW and FOREVER...it may well be that there will be room in both of your lives for contact...or there may NOT be...but it will be your choice as well as his, I suspect. We've all been in situations where we thought an R couldn't survive in any way shape or form a blowup but they often do.
This time I think I managed to kill it totally!
It appears at the present time and into the future as B sees it our paths are separated by a goodly margin, where previously there was not an absence of one of us from the others lives. D took a totally unexpected path, whatever it was and it looks very chaotic and very dark ahead for him. He is now starting up many paths and appears to have no purpose or reason guiding him.
I actually feel sadness hearing that, NOW if that was J maybe I would feel glad!
Quote: That being said...my two cents it that turning your attention to YOUR future is a great place for you to put your energies.
The problem for me is how to figure out how to do that?
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: The wife of the attorney I spoke with is studying to be a marriage counselor and I asked her this morning if she could recommend someone.
She is also her H's receptionist on Mondays and Wednesdays. Seems really nice. She gave me the name of a counseling service that she would recommend and they have therapists with different levels of degrees working there it appears from their web site. I do know S said I need to see a psychologist since I am dealing with the medication.
Good for you!!! I think you may be able to meet with a counselor for therapy and they might interact with a Dr. to prescribed your meds...but I'm sure they will guide you thru all that.
Quote: Did you receive the e-mail I sent over the weekend? My e-mail has been really flaky lately.
I did. (but you didn't tell me what happened there either!). I've been bad this week responding to e-mails (ask Caz and Nik!!!)
Quote: That being said...my two cents it that turning your attention to YOUR future is a great place for you to put your energies.
The problem for me is how to figure out how to do that?
REALLY? Seems to me that you were doing GREAT with that...decorating the house, hanging out with the neighbors, etc. What WORKS, Pam?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Things only seem to work for a little bit and then I am back in the muck.
Just found out the place I had been going and taking Shara to do the herding stuff, Denise has found out about and is now going so I guess I am just going to have to give up my dog hobby and find something else.
I don't think I can heal while continually having to deal with seeing the two B*tches that were close friends.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Is it possible she's gone out of her way to find you? That she doesn't know how to approach you and apologize and that this is her way of 'accidently' bumping into you?
I too like the sound of that, it has a VERY positive ring to it. 
D was yelling wildly at me and that is the last we spoke to one another. I think that I am grieving the finality of everything now. It seems to have happened in stages as our R and our interactions have changed in stages, till now there is nothing left.
She gave me the name of a counseling service that she would recommend and they have therapists with different levels of degrees working there it appears from their web site. I do know S said I need to see a psychologist since I am dealing with the medication. 