Ending the A as of now is definitely the right thing to do, but I have to caution you about one thing:
The one and only way to ensure an A does not start up again is to cut off all contact with that person - no calls, no email, no letters, no text messaging, no instant messaging, and absolutely no physical proximity. You have to be committed to doing this as much as possible (some times it's impractical) if you want to avoid temptation, both yours and his. I'm not trying to harp on you, I'm just trying to give you some advice based on the experience of others.
Quote: afools, Thanks for the encouragement! I agree that acting on the feelings is what will get me in trouble with my H. But I don't agree that the thinking is harmless. If I hadn't let my mind dwell on another man than I don't believe I would have had an A with them. After thinking over and over again what it would be like to be with them, eventually doing seems no worse than thinking. At least this is how it happened with me. I think the reason I had the 2 A was/is because of the excitement factor, and also a desire factor. I am a HDW, and feel very taken for granted by my H. I used to see a gleam in his eyes when we were first married, but that has long past. I just don't know how to get that back. I will work on making things more exciting for him...and maybe that will happen if I concentrate on myself being more excited by him.
I can see how it would be hard by spending so much time think about another. It accurs to me that part of this might be because your not getting near the attention you feel you need from H. This is something you NEED to address with him. I'd suggest that you work on that as much as you can from your end. If that doesn't help after sometimes has passed you NEED to push this with your H get some help. If you don't get your R closer to where you feel it needs to be I would say you'll find yourself back in the same sit later. If you let your H think that your happy or at least tolerant of your how your R no effort will come from his part. I hope you can keep it together and get him to move your way.
Wow thanks thats the first positive thing I have felt in such a long time. I am so happy if my experience can help someone else to NOT go th affair route. If you read my post on this site with all the details you will maybe see how I came to the place in my life where i just felt so bad about stuff but didn't know how to fix it, i just made bad choices.I hurt my H terribly,even though we married young and we BOTH did not have the skills to have a healthy marriage, and even though everyone tells me that I am NOT that person from 21 years ago, or from high school for that matter, that this is something bad that happens to people, even good ones, it still racks me with guilt. I would give ANYTHING to take it back. But so many have told me that they knew my H then too, and they could see why I felt like I did then.And that he did chose to get revenge on me, seven years later. It does not excuse it, and I should have told the truth. Now I may lose a 28 year marrage. I always pictured us growing old together.My affair was so short Febrific4H,but so damaging. If you read my long long post you will see what H is up to now, thats where I am having my problem. Is he using my past to feed his MLC? Or is he really that torn up that he needs these women to feed his ego. I am sooooo happy you ended your affair. NOTHING good ever comes of it except mabe that we learn more abput ourselves and what not to do, that we get a seconf chance to renew what once was good. I did have so many good times to equal the bad. Some of my friends say i am a emotional abuse victim, that he likes keping me down and guilty. They say I should let him go. I cry EVERY day. I don't know what to do either, let him go through this and find out that these women are only after him for what he can do for them, or is he really that devistated and is pushing me towards divorce?
Coming from someone that this is happening to I am glad to see that you actually wrote. It is actually nice to see the other side. My husband wont talk about it (wont end it either) yet wont walk away from our relationship. My mind is always trying to figure out what happened. You need to sit down with you H and tell him about your feelings about not feeling desired. He might not be aware that he is even doing that. Not everyone is a mind reader and all relationships need communication. Talk to him. I wish my H would talk to me and give me some kind of clue as to why.
I am a first time poster and I am in the same situation. I had 2 affairs w/ 2 separate men within our 3 yr. marriage. My H found out about both of them. The first one came just 7 mos. after we were married and the last one was just 2 mos. ago. They both only lasted about 2 weeks and then I realized I shouldn't be doing this. I know there are no excuses for cheating but the only conclusion i could come to as to why i did it was b/c my H was gone all the time working in different states and i was at home alone w/our kid and i didn't live anywhere near any of my family. And when he did come home from work all he did was sit on the couch and watch tv and was never really intimite w/me. After this last affair my husband said he wanted to be separated from me for awhile. Then for 2 weeks or so he said that once i realized how much he loved me, he would drop everything and come back to me. Then within a matter of 4 days he is stating he wants to get a divorce and that he would die first b4 he ever came back to me. I just don't know what to do. Since being separated, I have discovered a greater love for my husband and its unbearable being w/out him. But when i try to tell him how i feel, he either hangs up on me or he says i need to deal w/it and get a life. Thanx for letting me vent.
