Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again At first More, and More Led to Less and Less.

Heya Lou,
Man does your W communicate like this all the time? That would drive me bananas, too!

I have troubles communicating with my H, as well. His father speaks in the same manner that H does, so I know it is a matter of just never learning how to carry on a conversation. He does things like: cut me off as I am speaking, hear what he wants to hear--no matter how many times I say, No my point is XYZ, he will still reply So you are upset about ABC? etc etc.
I have really made an effort to improve how we talk to each other but it is still hard somedays.

On to your wife: Well, if you know that she talks in circles about things, I wouldn't beat your head against a wall about it. If she says the printer's broken, tell her "I'll have a look at it." Anything else is an exercise in futility right?

But I can't help but think there is more to this. Can you have a regular conversation about, say, what you did that day without it being all convoluted like the printer example? If not, then yeah, that would bother me to the point of wanting to work on it asap.

Do the AD's make her fuzzy headed, or was it always like this?


Also, Lou, keep this in mind...if you are a literal minded person, who likes to work on things and process and collect knowledge (and we all know you are, lol) maybe she has just built up a wall about communicating with you. Maybe she thinks, "He's going to ask a bunch of technical questions that he knows I won't have an answer to..dammit why can't he just HELP me and not badger me with endless questions?"
So maybe her anticipation that the printer conversation is going to be difficult leads to that very thing happening.

I'm sure it is a Mars/Venus thing.

Sure is frustrating, tho!
I wanted to bang my head into the keyboard just reading the example, lol.

Take care,
Honey

Betsey wrote << Does any of this make sense, my friend? >>
Betsey It make sense.

<< one person in a party of 2 communicating does not label things >> To add to this type of comversation mismatch between W and I, W admitted to acting dumb at times when she was a teenager so other people would help her with her tasks/ homework. Now I think it has more to do with lack of confidence, and W's perception that she did enough work so someone else has to pick up the slack. It carries over to takling about things and R talks.

I will try to give a better example sometime this week. Have a safe trip and Happy Thanksgiving! you detail person. huggs (((to your and the girls)))

OG Lou, behind in my work bigtime.

KML wrote << she doesn't know (and doesn't want to know)what's wrong with it, just wants to hand it over to you >>
BINGO! Pass go, collect $200. And sometimes when I do take over, I am called controling, or a nag. Sometimes when I am negative about W, I think she is 14 years old again and I am the parent. That does not go over so well. In W's defence, I still get an ocasional ILY.

<< You didn't tell us you were married to Jessica Simpson >>
I have heard of her name, but do not know much about her. My radar screen has been tuned to The Discovery Channels. Too much factual TV and non-fiction books rot your brain you know. (humor intended)

Thanks for your logical posts. I will have to re-read some of your posts. I have read so many, it's difficult to keep everyone's situation straight.

OG Lou, just a little behind in reality land.

kml, I read some of your old posts. W has had thyroid problems since she was 8 or 10 yrs old. She was stable until about 10 years ago. She went through a peroid of about 5 to 8 years where everytime she had the blood work done to determine her correct dosage, the test indicated either she was over or under medicated. I casually asked what her TSH results were, she did not know at the time. I am thinking how her thyroid condition may have effected her attitude toward me and other people she seemed to recently dislike. I never would have thought the thyroid imbalance would cause that many R problems. I knew about the weight gain or loss problems.

<< If this is new behavior on her part >> New behaviors since getting married in 1968. Some started when I could not work after my back surgeryin 1981, and re-injury in 1986. Most developed after W started working in a Co-Dependency program at the hospital, 1990. Also maany of her co-workers have a more liberal attitude than We had at one time.

W has some older relatives that see things only one way. I am believing more in the phrase "the acorn does not fall far from the tree." Other relatives would give the shirt off their back.

OG Lou. The presenting complaint is not always the real problem. Learning to peel the onion. Thanks for your reply KML. I enjoyed reading your well posted progress.