Quote: How would an HD person react to being under PRESSURE to provide more sex?
Would you be okay with it?
Now that I am starting to get a glimpse of what it might be like to have a HD husband, I think the question should be "Would a HD person ever experience PRESSURE from an even more HD person's sexual demands?". I think a person who has a high sex drive and has had the experience of being in a relationship with someone significantly more LD would be unlikely to experience PRESSURE unless they were completely lacking in introspection or empathy. Here comes the analogy. My sister is a musician and in the past often had to be a musician/waitress in order to support herself. She would never leave a lousy tip in a restaurant even if she got rather poor service because she knows all the problems associated with waiting tables and has empathy with the waitperson's situation. She might even say something to the waitpersn like "It really sux when they give you too many tables, doesn't it?".
If I were ever in a relationship with someone more HD than me I would do everything possible to bridge the chasm with empathy, humor and common sense. For instance, if I was in a relationship with a man whose drive was 2x a day, I would probably plan on 1x daily routine sex that would take off the edge for him. Even if a man had a higher frequency drive than me there would still probably be varieties of sexual activity for which I was higher drive than him, so there would still be opportunities for trading sex for sex. For example, if he was willing to act out some fantasy for me on Saturday night, I would be happy to give him head 3x on Sunday even though I might only want to orgasm once. Also, in a HD/HD relationship since both parties would know that orgasm was at most maybe 48 hours away (as opposed to 3 wks. or 7 yrs. ) a lot of the PRESSURE and PAIN could be experienced as a pleasurable opportunity to tease or be teased with few long term relationship repercussions. IMO the ability to tease and be teased sexually is probably the true sign of healthy balance in a sexual relationship.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I can't imagine touching my W that often... or even wanting to touch her that often... or even being horny more than once a day... or even having a day where there's nothing "getting in the way" of good sex. I am learning to be LD when it comes to my W. Compromise is the heart of every good M, right?
JJ, You nailed what I was trying to get at. What if you want sex 1x per day and your partner wants it 3x? What would you do if you honestly thought there was no physical way you could provide what your spouse wanted, let alone the emotional motivation?
Btw, Hairy, you smart aleck, I am not going to the dark side. Far from it, my man! These are just musings from me, in my time of convalescence..
Chris, yes I am very good to my H. And actually my expectations are very, very loose. I tell him all the time that he doesn't have to always bathe the kids and he says No no I want to do it. I always ask, not demand. And helping around the house would be me asking him approx once a month to do something. I am a very easygoing person but what I DO want, I don't want to have to ask for it twice. I relate all this not to make myself sound like a shrew but to illustrate that an HD wife like myself probably sounds pretty great but the reality might be different. Would frequent sex be enough to make up for everything else? Who knows.
I know what you are saying. I'm sure my desire level has come way down in response to my W's rejections. But why then, if I bring up the subject of sex once in two weeks or even once a month, does she claim that sex is "all I ever think of"?
I think that issues of frequency diminish when sex is full of emotional connection, but I'm not there yet.
Quote: why then, if I bring up the subject of sex once in two weeks or even once a month, does she claim that sex is "all I ever think of"?
Come on, Paul. It's us . . . your imaginary friends. You can admit to us that it's all you ever think of. And food doesn't count as the only other thing you ever think about.
Quote: What if you want sex 1x per day and your partner wants it 3x? What would you do if you honestly thought there was no physical way you could provide what your spouse wanted, let alone the emotional motivation?
Okay. I am imagining that I have a lover so HD that he wants it 3x a day every day. What would I do?
Maybe I would want to have sex 3x a day, if I had a lover who wanted sex 3x a day. I can't think of a single instance in my life when I was approached by an aroused man with whom I was involved sexually that didn't lead to me being turned on. Has this ever happened to you HP? Can you imagine any circumstances under which you wouldn't be turned on if your H approached you fully aroused in an assertive manner? I'm sure there would be circumstances under which you would choose to not have sex with him even though were turned on, but would you be able to keep yourself from being turned on? Maybe sex is like fudge and you can really get sick of it if you have too much, but maybe sex is like chinese food and an hour later you can eat again.
I think I could develop the habit of 3x a day as long as it was understood that I wouldn't have the desire to initiate that often. I would just have to make the time. Most days I watch a little TV 3x a day. About 15 min. of news in the morning, a half hour gardening show at lunch and maybe an hour of whatever the kids are watching in the evening. If my H wanted sex 3x a day, I would happily give up my TV time for our new hobby .
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: But why then, if I bring up the subject of sex once in two weeks or even once a month, does she claim that sex is "all I ever think of"?
She doesn't realize the amount of time that has passed, I suppose because sex isn't even in the top 10 of her weekly priorities. When I've mentioned the # of days since sex, my W has replied with, "nooo it's only been a week" and "I had no idea." The concept of time is lost. To use an analogy, I equate this way of thinking with trying to remember when certain "non-memorable events" happened in the past year (when were you last sick? when were you last in the hospital? when were you last in a car accident?). Can you remember these things unless you've marked them on a calendar or unless they've happened in the past week or two?
Unfortunately for us HDs, as I wrote, sex isn't a priority for LD people. I'm trying to find "the way" to get my W to raise its priority. It's been a while since I had a talk with her about it.
You know the same thing happens to me when I remind my LDH how long it's been. At one point we had gone nearly a year...when I brought that up he was really shocked, he really didn't think it had been that long.
We're going on 3-months now, and I guarantee you he doesn't realize how long it's been....but I sure as heck know!
I no longer keep track of how long it's been...oh wait that is a lie, it's been nearly 3 weeks.
What I'm trying to say is that I used to keep a running count of how many times per week and how many days had elapsed, etc, and I don't really do that anymore. I did do it towards the end of my pregnancy but it was pretty easy to keep count when we weren't doing anything, lol.
My H is another one who loses accurate track of how long it's been. In fact, when I read stories of some of the people elsewhere on this board and they start out, We had sex 2-3 times per week and he still was unsatisfied and unhappy and sad about our sex life... I know immediately that the Number Of Times Per Week has been inflated in her mind and she's remembering far more sex than they ever had.
JJ, I do think that 3 times per day would wear me out mentally and physically. However, it is soooo easy to get me in the mood that Hank might end up having his way with me after all.
I know that, with H, I have a threshold of about 7 days in a row before I really start to want a break. Now, we have gone many many times with having more sex than that, cause as I said I am ridiculously easy to talk into it, but that would be my natural preference I think. Even then I only want a day or two break before I'm ready for round 2. However, if there was never a break offered or I encountered pressure upon wanting a break...would that make the next time less desirable? Would resentment at never having a break cause me to lose interest quicker?
I don't know, and besides this is purely rhetorical. I am not married to a guy who wants sex 3x per day so what does it matter! I originally was pondering these thoughts, wondering what it is about an LD man that I am attracted to.
Oh well, gotta run. We are having a hectic day here; it has taken me two hours to post this lousy message and it aint even that great.
) a lot of the PRESSURE and PAIN could be experienced as a pleasurable opportunity to tease or be teased with few long term relationship repercussions. IMO the ability to tease and be teased sexually is probably the true sign of healthy balance in a sexual relationship. 
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