Quote: it is the old 'principal of least interest' where the party with the least interest in any transaction holds all the cards. Works for marrage, dating, and even buying a car.
I googled the "principle of least interest" and found this. It's very thought provoking when applied to marriage:
Least Interest Principle
Description In any relationship, the person who has the least interest in continuing the relationship (i.e. has the best walk-away strategy) has the greatest power.
Example If I am thinking vaguely about selling my house and the buyer is desperately keen on buying it, I have no need at all to reduce my price. I could even invent 'another interested person' to help crank the price up.
So what? Using it Develop your walk-away position. Ensure you can leave at any time. Try to damage the other person’s ability to walk away. Watch out for them damaging your walk-away position.
Defending Never appear desperate for agreement: you will only lose.
This is not exactly what you meant. In fact, it is a different way of thinking about the crucible. It is a way of getting your spouse to act instead of letting her/him engage in foot dragging. And it only works if you are prepared to walk away.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
I actually once got to the point where I packed a bag a 11:30 P.M. and got in my car and left. W called at least 10 times on the cell phone, and I didn't answer. About a half an hour later I came home and went to bed. It was Quite Effective in getting her attention, and I won that battle.
Got to be careful about using that tactic, though.
In my futile attempt to be objective, I will say that my W is very much a giver in the relationship, working to provide income, house cleaning, etc. She doesn't do many of the things that I wish she would do to bring us closer together, but you know what, when I was going to school a few years ago, it was all about me.
When I went to a C, without W, the C emphasized communication. W and I needed to communicate better. I communicate well with everyone, my family, my kids, my coworkers. When I met of with a former girlfriend recently, we spoke very openly about our previous relationship. We used the word, "sex." I can't use that word with my own wife. It's more than a little sad.
It seems that any strategy that has ANY chance of succeeding from the perspective of the HD involves the plan to walk away. You can not make any threats of leaving unless you are prepared to leave, you can not back down. Unfortunately, my christian principals make it very hard to walk away, and so do my children. Unfortunately, many nights I just think to myself that I am sacrificing my entire life in order to protect my children from a broken home. I just wish there were a strategy that would work for the christian guy like me.
