I think your advice is great. Just my opinion, but I don't think this is going to work yet... not because it isn't sound reasoning, but because HD's wife wants to punish, not fix. She wants to be victimized, not accountable.
Given her mindset, I believe a C can help him figure out the best way to help her by first helping himself.
Mojo: your post made me think of one of my favorite lines from "The Tick" television show:
Arthur: Apparently superheroes are just a bunch of egotistical, self-centered, sexually frustrated kindergartners. No offense intended. The Tick: None comprehended.
I'm a little late here, but sometimes work just gets so intrusive. Sheesh.
Anyway, re. your convo:
Quote: W: It's like me saying, "say you're sorry" and you say "sorry." H: No, it would only be like that if you had said, "I did all the planning for St. Louis and wish your would thank me," after which I said, "thank you." I'm truly appreciative that you undertook the planning of the trip. Why can't you just accept my thanks easily? W: Well, thanks for pointing out my shortcomings.
I think you did good right up to the last sentence. The truly thankful part was good, but going on with the acceptance question turned it into just what she said: a complaint about her. As I tried to say before but NOP said so much better - you need to be on her team.
Corri said: ------------------- I think your advice is great. Just my opinion, but I don't think this is going to work yet... not because it isn't sound reasoning, but because HD's wife wants to punish, not fix. She wants to be victimized, not accountable.
Given her mindset, I believe a C can help him figure out the best way to help her by first helping himself. -------------------
You may be right, it might not work.
Even if it doesn't, when Harry approaches counseling, he can do so with a clear conscience, knowing that he isn't dragging a boat load of his own garbage to the situation. A clean slate so to speak.
The other consideration is that she will expose herself and her real issues in a way that hasn't been possible previously, or that has been only opaquely visible due to muddy waters.
That was my logic for what it's worth.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
HD wrote: ------------------ I told her I appreciated her making all the arrangements for our weekend trip to St. Louis. She said, "you're just saying that because I told you I wanted to be appreciated." Sigh, can't win for losing. I told her that, while her talk with me may have made me voice my appreciation, I felt that appreciation nevertheless, as I always do for the things like this. W: It's like me saying, "say you're sorry" and you say "sorry." H: No, it would only be like that if you had said, "I did all the planning for St. Louis and wish your would thank me," after which I said, "thank you." I'm truly appreciative that you undertook the planning of the trip. Why can't you just accept my thanks easily? W: Well, thanks for pointing out my shortcomings. ------------------
HD. She said, "you're just saying that because I told you I wanted to be appreciated."
The correct response is; "No, I said it because I love you very much, and I am very sorry that I have been unappreciative of you in the past. Will you please forgive me?"
I am not talking doormat here, the fact is that she feels unappreciated by you.
Go back and try again.
:-) -NOPkiins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
HD: "I am washing the dishes and doing the laundry!"
HD's wife: "I need you to appreciate me"
HD: "I mowed the lawn and took out the garbage!"
HD's wife: "I need you to appreciate me"
HD: "I have done all this stuff and you aren't meeting my needs!!"
HD's wife: "I need you to appreciate me"
HD: "Wife, what the hell do you want from me!!!!"
HD's wife: "I need you to appreciate me"
Insert a slightly different need, and you can replace your names with me and MrsNOP.
My wife told me for 20 years and I missed it. How long are you going to take, HD?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
