Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE IMO "The Real Issue"

I am sure I have a self confidence problem now.... I try really hard to to let his decisions to not ML affect my emotions but sometimes I feel like he might as well just stab me in the heart and get it over with. I am and always have been the type to wake him up in such a manner and have before but I am afraid to even try such things anymore. I cannot emotionally handle the rejections right now

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performing oral on my H he FELL asleep

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Ever seen the movie "Chasing Amy"? In that movie, the girl broke up with a guy because he farted while she was giving him head. He tried to explain, "but I was feeling so relaxed, it just slipped out." Maybe your oral is just so relaxing to him he couldn't help himself?

Why focus on the worst version of what happened?

I sometimes tell my W, "If I say something to you, and there are two ways you could take it, good or bad, I meant it in the good way."

ricsgirl, you need to forgive him for sleeping on the job (heh heh). Really. You're holding a grudge. Give him the GIFT of forgiveness.

Hairdog

TL,

lets start with what the F do I know or I wouldnt be here looking for answers.

She has lost her self confidance and thinks it is your fault, lets get beyond that for a sec,

do you like what she does for you?
do yo love seeing her and being with her?
do you like who she is?
did you marry her for who she was?

tell her the answers to these questions and it might go a long way to help her regain her self confidence.

hd,
What if the H repeatedly falls asleep? Then what?

Keep on gifting the bastard?!?

RG,
You still haven't answered my question about whether attractiveness is the real issue or not. Seems to me it isn't. But it is the easiest one to focus on, I will give ya that.

Hugs,
Honey

I am trying to forgive past issues....my emotions are so on the surface right now that it is really hard to do.
We talk about things and it always seems to be better for a LITTLE while but then we are back to the same old routine. It is like dangling a piece of candy in front of a little kid and then taking it away..time after time after time.

Eventually the kid just walks away..... probably not the best analogy to use but hopefully you understand what i am getting at

The asnwers to these questions are very simple.
I love being with her
I love the way she looks
I love the person she is inside (maybe not so much the person on the outside I have made her become)
Honestly I don't think there is much that I do not LOVE about her

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What if the H repeatedly falls asleep? Then what?

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Well, I suppose you could try this. He probably won't fall asleep again.

Hairdog

Ok now I am feeling attacked thanks all for the help!!!

I answered a while back.....But just in case

I find my husband to be EXTREMELY attractive. He has the prettiest blue eyes and the biggest dimples this side of Texas. And I will not go into the package issue becasue I could make him and everybody else blush LOL!!!

No, you misunderstood.

You are saying that the "real issue" is that he is not attracted to you.
He is saying that the "real issue" is that his equip won't work all the time and the anxiety and shame that this causes makes him avoid sex.

So I was asking you which version you believe to be true.