Hi all - well, Japan was great. We spent the week in Kyoto, which is beautiful this time of year with the fall colors. Saw lots of temples and a castle and the most beautiful gardens, and ate tons of noodles.
We started calling it the Land of Tortured Hair, because every one we saw practically had a bad haircut! Japanese women have beautiful hair, but apparently the current style is to dye it brown and cut it in a bad shag. We didn't see a single woman with long black natural hair the whole time. The guys had badly-cut short spiky hairdos - often less "edgy' and more "Audrey Hepburn". The amount of the GNP being spent on hair salons must be staggering!
It was pretty easy to get around because many signs were also in English, and the trains, busses and subways were very clearly marked. S17 got to show some of his prowess at reading Japanese by finding a restaurant we were looking for (the sign was only in Japanese). We also saw a friend's son who used to be in Japanese class with S17 - he's studying in Japan for a year and his apartment was just a couple blocks from our hotel.
The culture and the history are fascinating, although overall we didn't find the Japanese nearly as polite and friendly as the Thai or Vietnamese. (Not just to us, but to each other - in a busy subway station, my gaijin H was the only person to stop and help an elderly Japanese woman struggling to get her luggage up the steps.)
We did see two Geisha riding in a rickshaw one morning on a back street near a temple!
H and I had fun together, and we got to teach S17 a lot about travelling - we figure next time he travels to a foreign country, he probably won't have us along, so we made him do a lot of the work, navigating and communicating etc.
Your trip sounds great - I've heard so many wonderful things about Kyoto. Nice that you can teach your S to travel well alone - wish my parents had done this for me when I was a sapling. I learned on my own, of course, but it took me a while to get around to it before I learned it was the coolest thing I could possibly do.
Thanks for your input on my thread, as well. I'm mulling it all over, and doing exactly as you suggested - focusing on other things this week while I weather the brain storms.
Glad you're back and you had fun! I'm trying to picture what it might look like to be in a city where everyone had a bad hair day! That must have been something fun to observe, if for no other reason than to laugh about the constant affirmation with more data?
Sort of my like my first trip to Scotland back in the 80s. Edinburgh was filled with young people who were all dressed in black. My mom and I ventured into clothing store after clothing store and never found any attire in colors other than black. Had to head to London to find any semblance of another hue...
Anyway, welcome back to the fray. Vacations are good. We need more of them!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I just read some of the advice that you gave to another member and thought that your logical, honest approach was great, so i read your synopsis... wow!
you are an incredible person, who has dealt with so much and overcome it, you are an inspiration, not only in dbing but in your methodical, intelligent approach to, it seems, all that you do.
i only hope that at some point i can develop half of you abilities, confidence and strength
One of the things I did wrong in the pre-bomb era was this: I loved my H and appreciated many of the things he did for me, but while I had all these nice thoughts about him, I didn't SHOW or TELL them to him. Imagine that, my H was not a mind-reader!!!!
So one of the things I have changed is to try to express those thoughts more often when I have them. This is still difficult at times because I am rather an introvert and live in my own head a lot.
Last night, as we were falling asleep, H rolled over and wrapped his arms around me and spooned me in a way that I have always loved. So I just told him "I love it when you do that".
Can you believe, after 20 years of marriage, that I'm not sure I ever told him that I loved it when he spooned me that way?
And can you imagine how good it would feel if you did something for your spouse and they said that to you?
And how simple is that to say??
Lord knows we're not usually tongue-tied when it comes to telling them what they are doing that we DON'T like!
So try today to actually TELL your spouse one of the good thoughts you have about them.
I remember when I was a youngster, I found it incredibly diffiuclt to just be able to say words like "thank you" or other words of appreciation, I would be embarassed. I grew out of that.
But it is still hard to see the good stuff and show appreciation when our vision is clouded with resentment at past hurts and oversights, and unfulfilled expectations.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Quote: One of the things I did wrong in the pre-bomb era was this: I loved my H and appreciated many of the things he did for me, but while I had all these nice thoughts about him, I didn't SHOW or TELL them to him. Imagine that, my H was not a mind-reader!!!!
So one of the things I have changed is to try to express those thoughts more often when I have them. This is still difficult at times because I am rather an introvert and live in my own head a lot.
I can relate...I'm getting better at telling h when I really appreciate or love something that he's doing...I've found that it makes HIM feel good but also encourages him to keep doing it! I really love it, too, when he lets me know what he likes and appreciates!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
That must have been something fun to observe, if for no other reason than to laugh about the constant affirmation with more data?
Betsey 