Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Tired of HOM, I want to BU (Blow Up)

I believe you can love someone and as time goes on, not really like them too much *sigh* I am finding I don't like my H very much.

Annette

That's my point, HP. Ain't nothin' wrong with pendulums. I know that her poor body image may have some effect on her low drive, but it doesn't bother me. Sometimes I think it's yet another excuse not to get close.

Okay, here I took your funny comment and turned it serious. I must by the anti-Hairdog today.

Hairdog - trying to get pumped up for the big smackdown.

Here's my bit of weirdness from last night:
I went to bed around 10pm, left W watching TV. She came to be at about 12midnight, and said, "How's your girlfriend?"
Huh? WTF?
H: I don't have a girlfriend.
W: You must be going bonkers, then.
H: Why do you say that?
W: Because I read an article today about men, and that, on average, they think about sex 60 times a day.
H: Uh, that's about right, I guess.

Understand that I was deep into sleep when she came in, and, although the subject was very interesting to me, I wasn't ready to engage in the conversation in my present state. There was no discussion after this, and soon, I heard her snoring quietly.

Now, I really want to continue the conversation! Yes, I am going bonkers, but it's not because I'm thinking about sex...I am feeling emotionally isolated from you because I love you, and you keep pushing me away. I don't want a girlfriend, or an affair, because it's against my moral "code." But I also won't live my life out in a celibate marriage, because, why would I want to live with someone who doesn't appear to desire me, and who doesn't respect my wishes?

And what article was she reading? And why? Heck, I gave her a book that describes exactly how I feel, and she only read the parts that describe what I am doing wrong (TSSM).

Maybe I'll see if she's available for lunch today.

Hairdog

Ummmmmmmmmmm Hairy, sounds to me like you really need to talk to her about everything. You sound like me now, lol, dazed, confused, and not really wanting to have a serious conversation. Well, I do, but not ready to do it yet. sigh

Annette

Fuzzy,
Sounds like she might be understanding the magnitude of what your feeling. Maybe this is a turning point for both of you .

Quote:

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Sounds like she might be understanding the magnitude of what your feeling. Maybe this is a turning point for both of you.

---

Oh cinemanymph, if only that could be true.

Hairdog - fingers crossed, on his knees, praying to any available entity.

HD:

This is what I think you should try. Send your wife an email.

To: Mrs. Hairdog
Fr: Mr. Hairdog
Subject: RE, convo from last night

Here's a memory of weirdness from last night:

I went to bed around 10pm. You came in about midnight. This is what I recall from a brief conversation.

You: "How's your girlfriend?"
Me: I don't have a girlfriend.
You: You must be going bonkers, then.
Me: Why do you say that?
You: Because I read an article today about men, and that, on average, they think about sex 60 times a day.
Me: Uh, that's about right, I guess.

Understand that I was deep into sleep when you came in, and, although the subject was very interesting to me, I wasn't ready to engage in the conversation in my sleep saturated state.

Now, I'd really like to continue the conversation with you. Yes, I am going bonkers, but it's not because I'm thinking about sex...I am feeling emotionally isolated from you because I love you, and you keep pushing me away. I don't want a girlfriend, or an affair, because it's against my moral "code." But I also won't live my life out in a celibate marriage, because, why would I want to live with someone who doesn't appear to desire me, and who doesn't even try to meet me half way in creating physical intimacy?

Mr. Hairdog
------------------

I'd scrape, paste and send. It'll at least get the ball rolling...

Corri

I agree with Corri.

Don't let her off the hook this time.
I think she was both wanting to see if you really do that and crying out for reassurance that her efforts are enough to keep you from looking elsewhere.
I think it is time that she was told in blunt language that her efforts are NOT enough, personally.

But I also believe in being empathetic and loving and I know you will be able to walk this fine line, Hairdoggie. You do it here every day.

Good luck!

Thanks Corri...the words are great. Oh. They're mine. That explains it.

But isn't sending this in an email a copout? We (as a group) tend to recommend the "coward's way out."

Hairdog

There is a catch 22 with email. A verbal conversation, while it has the nuances that an email lacks, the actual words can be twisted by the recipient of the message. Email is there in black and white, while the words will remain the same, the interpretation can change with each reading. Fuzzy, you seem like a guy who is adept at the written word. I have never had a conversation with you, but if you speak as you write, you will have no problem giving meaning to your words in either verbally or in an email. The $64,000 question is, will your W be able to recieve your message?