Yeah, maybe cards won't make quite as big a mess as the game Pente did, when she up-ended the board. Little glass beads everywhere. Oops, there I go again, saying nasty things about her.
We have a tv in our bedroom but don't watch it at night. Sometimes, in the morning, DD3 comes in and we'll put on some PBS cartoons for her. The tv is not the cause of our problems.
And I envy you...I did get H to go on a walk a few weeks ago, if you read back far enough, you'll find my reference - it was really quite comic, H running ahead and stopping to wait for me like a little soldier...I made the mistake of asking if he wouldn't start cleaning the street and everything else on the next walk and give me the impression he wanted to be with me, we haven't taken a walk since
But this isn't doing any good. I don't like this funk I'm in...I need to find my way out, and I'm not doing very well. It's like H and I are dancing round in circles...I'm looking for the door in, and keep bouncing off the walls. I'm doing ok at deflecting, but I need to go forward.
A big part of the problem is that we are not home together - or when we are, one or the other of us seems to be sleeping. D8 now seems to be having problems at school - social and academic - and I think a lot of it has to do with lack of sleep. At least H is willing to admit that we do have to find a way to do things differently...but I need to come up with a new job a lot closer to home, which would solve a lot of problems.
If I am able to get my wife out of the house to have dinner with me, we always have a great time. But she does everything to prevent this from happening.
My sister-in-law is very helpful here. She knows W and I need time alone, so she encourages us to go and baby-sits.
However, when it comes to sex, W and I are on our own, of course.
Try to surprise your W. Mention in passing some events that will be happening, and if she responds favorably, get the tickets. The element of surprise often trumps the same old sh!t.
We just recently put a 13" one in the BR. The reason was to have something to occupy the mind while riding the exercise bike. I'm starting to regret that move, as W has been turning it on instead of interacting w/ me. Tues night, I wanted to talk, she insisted after her show was over, which was 50 minutes away. I wound up falling asleep before it was over. I am frequently heard saying "don't look into its eyes" whenever a tv is on. It is truely an evil beast!
We have no TV in the bedroom. Untill I went to work and the in-laws started watching the kids (or rather the TV with the kids in the background...) the only TV the kids watched was English videos(for keeping up our second language :-) ) and one hour of Sat. morning cartoons.
H+I watch about an hr. every night, stuff we've recorded, or bought. I haven't seen a commercial in years, can't say I miss it! I hate that that's about the only way we interact - the only way I justify sitting to watch it is that it's a good time to fold clothes.
But, hey, this is supposed to be about me!! (Just kidding, really!! )
Tonight, after the show was over, I asked H why he could watch cartoon people f**king, but couldn't even kiss his wife. Yeah, that's just how I said it. Surprise, surprise, He didn't answer, and walked away when I asked again. The sad thing is, right now I'm not sure of a better way to breach this subject.
Quote: Ok, I'm just going to say it. I don't think there is a Mrs.NOP.
NOP is ghost writing as her to throw the W off guard and writing all this relationship stuff to make them fall for him.
It's even more nefarious than you thought! There is *no* NOPkins! That's right, SSM, the sanctuary of HDs from around the world has been infiltrated by the Coalition of Low Drive Spouses, more commonly known as ~THE COLDS~.
And greedy, selfish rat-bast*rds that we are, none of us were willing to give the nomination to anyone else - so, we're ALL here.
I tried getting her to go to rock concerts with me, but she seems intent on staying home with the kids. I tried asking her to set up a "date night" & have her parents watch the kids, but that hasn't happened in 4 months. I tried getting W to let her parents or my parents take the kids for an afternoon so that we could be alone together, but... well... same old story. *sigh*
Quote: ...I made the mistake of asking if he wouldn't start cleaning the street and everything else on the next walk and give me the impression he wanted to be with me, we haven't taken a walk since
Sigh...
I'm so sad for you, FF. I know you're looking for ways to get close to him, but all I see are locked gates and barbed wire - Fort Knox. Do you have any sustained conversations with him of any kind? Any activities that the two of you both enjoy that you can do together?
After dinner, W & I got on our bikes and rode around the new neighborhood. Our house is new construction in a new subdivision, and we need to get landscaping done, so we went around the neighborhood looking at what other people had done. There was nothing romantic, and sex sure as heck didn't come up, but it was friendly, relaxed, mutual. Do you ever have that kind of moment with your H?
He seems colder than a January night in Thule. I don't know how you can stand it. I hope you can build a nice fire and thaw him out, like the stone age man they found in the Alps. When he's thawed out, I'm guessing there might be a human being in there.
[[[[[[[[[[[[FF]]]]]]]]]]]]]
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
That, of course, is a generalization, and no excuse, but it's a start. When I first came here, most people told me straight out that they were surprised that I was actually intellegent - that most Americans they had met were rather 'stupid'. Why? Because they talked so much. 'Small talk' doesn't exsist as a concept here. Young people are better at it - because it's a cool thing to do. Businesses run classes in it for their employees who have to deal with Americans.
H + I can talk about the kids, and lately we will talk about other neutral 'stuff', but I'm not sure if he'll ever be the type of person that I can sit and have a 'heart to heart' with, though he's more talkative than your 'average' Finn. He gets annoyed when I 'explain' things, he would rather have everything in short, to the point, black and white answers.
H is not a social person, he really doesn't have any friends that he interacts with on a regular basis, and most of his colleagues are women (something he's not comfortable with. Like JJ, I suspect my H is a bit of a misogynist). He's not that great at interacting with anyone, not just me. He seems to be in awe (and yes, proud) that we have such outgoing children.
I remember when I first met H's aunt and uncle - and the uncle would just sit in the corner, nod occasionally...I've known him now for 15 yrs, and he hasn't spoken much more than that. If you know the stereotype of an old New England farmer - my Grandpa was one - who answers any question with 'Yawup'? that's your typical Finnish man.
So, take a talkative American and taciturn Finn...I have to learn to calm my conversational style waaaaayyyyy down, learn to leave 'dead air' in convos, which are considered signs of thought. I still make mistakes. Too many.
That doesn't take all the pressure off H, I find it amusing that he will often in one of our 'convos' go on for several minutes explaining to me why I should make my answers short because he forgets what my idea was by the time I get to the end.
Together time...when we first dated, we used to play computer games together, and we did do a bit of traveling. I remember once chasing a woman through the streets of Brussells because H insisted she was wearning fishnet stockings, and I said no (she was ) Come to think of it, H never told me what his end of the bet was, said he would save it...maybe this is it
Other than that, it was music that brought us together, but this is a bit of a problem area as well, though H knows a lot, he's not a performer, doesn't understand the 'music' part of music, and I think he feels inferior to me in that way. I remember often when we first started dating, he kept saying that 'Musicians only want to talk to other musicians'. I think he wanted to be 'in' on the 'shop talk', but didn't get it. This is a bit of a sore spot.
)
) Come to think of it, H never told me what his end of the bet was, said he would save it...maybe this is it 