Update: Not much has changed, although I find myself reacting less. I suppose that I have come to expect it now, so his lack of true desire is no longer a surprise to me. Plus, I only have a couple weeks to go and so the light at the end of the tunnel is finally shinin'.
At the moment that we are both laying there wondering about sex...me hoping it happens, him wondering if he has it in him to follow through with it.....I feel my HOM slipping. I wonder if I can stay calm and nonchalant and take what he is offering without becoming emotional and insisting on waiting for real desire. It may be a while before I see that!
The night before last I thanked him for fighting through his fatigue to ML to me. True to what Michele says, as soon as he is aroused, the desire follows and the fatigue vanishes. He replied, "As soon as we get started, I feel no trace of tiredness at all. I wish I fought through it more often.."
Last week we had a conversation about initiating and he said that he wished I did it more. I replied that I do a lot of subtle initiation and was sick of not getting credit for anything I do unless it involves just grabbing it. He asked for examples so I gave the one where he was giving me a leg massage and I kept flashing him and throwing my legs up on the back of the couch so he could have a nice view. He said he definitely appreciates things like that..then..."It never occurred to me that it was a form of initiation." I said, Well you do realize that I do these things to turn you on right? He said he did but that, in his mind, initiation is a very specific set of actions. I replied that those were far too rigid for my tastes and, besides H, the leg massage turned you on right...so if it did, then why the complete lack of desire once we got to bed? He cited tiredness as a reason and I asked what I could have done (further!) to help him fight through it. He said, Nothing. When I get like that, if seeing your goods is not going to wake me up then nothing will.
I said, Well there ya go!! He looked puzzled and I said, For two years now you have said that I need to initiate and not let everything hinge on what he does. But you just said that if you are not already in the mood there is very little that can be done to change this. So what am I supposed to do? I can turn you on, but it doesn't mean it will lead to sex. I can attempt to initiate but if you are not already in the mood, you will not allow me to "just grab it". So WHAT am I supposed to do other than sit back and wait for you to want it??
He got very, very quiet which is unusual for my H, who likes to chatter. He finally said, Wow I see what you are saying. I don't know what to tell you right now.
I let it drop after that. The whole conversation was extremely pleasant and loving. But boy it felt soooo good to hear him admit that he has, and does, put me in between a rock and a hard place. For years now I have heard him say that if I want it I should initiate. Fine and dandy. But he seems to have missed the part in the manual where it says that if you make a claim like this, you have to be willing to allow the initiation to happen on a more-often-than-not basis; otherwise it's all a bunch of hooey.
Last night, I had a whopper of a bellyache. He came to bed and ALL I wanted to do was to touch him. Hold his body close to mine, touch his arm, whatever. I just needed his physical presence to comfort me. I did not want him touching me; I wanted to touch him. Of course he took this as a prelude to sex even though I told him it wasn't. He never did relax enough for me to melt into him, and eventually I ended getting up to read, anyway.
Well, in re-reading this it all sounds gloomy. Quite the contrary. The mood in our house has been VERY upbeat and cheerful and loving.
Honey, you are gorgeous. And your little girl is just a cutie patootie. Why are you hiding that big, beautiful belly anyway? I don't believe you are 38 weeks pregnant, no way, jose
Julie, Yeah that was a little bit of creative photography there, with positioning D in front of me, eh! It was her 5th birthday and H wanted pictures of us to commemorate that special day when she was born. Unfortunately he stood with us looking up into the morning sun so it wasn't the best pictures, with us squinting etc, but they'll do.
Thank you for the nice words! At 38 weeks there is NO woman who feels like a babe and I am no exception but I appreciate all of you who are kind enough (smart enough??) to know that honesty is not the best policy with a pg lady--lying is.
Wow honeypot, You are lovely although my fantasy of you as a golden brown Afro American is now shattered. Of course I love your attitude and wish my W had a tenth of it. SD xx
Dave, You can go ahead and continue to picture me as Vanessa Williams, I don't mind. (isn't that the lady's name who has the lovely gold skin and hazel eyes?)
HP. Great pictures. Your hubby is one lucky dude! And good work on enlightning him on "initiation" processes. So far I have yet to figure what works here, other than timing it right for the "horny" time of the month and hoping she's not ready to fall asleep.
Scott -Who did get some belated nooky for our recent aniversary.
"Satisfaction is not guaranteed." Rule #19 Ferengi "Rules of Acquistition"
After reading PM I made the vow to say what I mean, to not avoid confottation in an attempt to make others feel better about themselves. So I'm force to tell you "WOW you're hot".
Yes honeypot, Vanessa Williams is exactly how I pictured you! I'm happy with the real you now though. Your H is really lucky - if only he knew... SD xxx
