NOP, One more thing..I will file away the Double Leg Stroke as part of labor pain management. If I remember correctly from last time (and do I ever) there was very little that felt good but some things did seem to take my mind away from the feeling of being ripped apart like a wishbone.
That is good to know. I will mention it to H, as he is already getting panicked at his role of being the Chief Pain Reliever.
He is really really good at being the Chief Pain in My Ass but the Reliever...? Hmmm, not so much! (kidding..)
Seriously thanks for the suggestion, I will be in touch in a month or so to let you know how it helps.
I was feeling really relaxed and happy; the kids were being good. So I took a shower and came to sit by H on the couch. The kids were engrossed in a movie (so was H, he loves old Disney movies lol) and I was reading. I had my long legs stretched out over him and he was massaging me. He was clearly enjoying it. I realized that this is something that I haven't been doing lately because of comfort issues--that is, as big as I am these days it is just easier to sit in other positions. He has always told me that he needs a high level of touching from me...he needs to feel my legs on him, receive lots of hugs from me, etc. Otherwise he has a hard time feeling sexual. The actual physical contact is what propels him into sexual thinking, in other words. I know this but it does slip my mind, to tell the truth. Also I have not been very creative in thinking how to be physically close to him in light of the fact that my belly is preventing it. I should also say that my nightie was a short one and there were, of course, no panties with it so he was enjoying the view as well. Later in bed, we snuggled a bit and I tried as best as I could to get close to him and stroked him a little bit. I didn't want to go overboard because I want him to know that I enjoy this intimate touching without it leading to sex. I PREFER that it lead to sex, but if it doesn't I still enjoy it and the EC is mucho strengthened by it.
At one point, I realized that I could turn it into sex pretty easily if I wanted to. Normally that puts me into a mental place of "Why should I have to talk him into it? What is wrong with me that he wouldn't just be turned on by everything that's happened tonight??" But I really fought that crap off and managed to stay in the moment and just enjoy it for what it was. He stroked me a little bit and I really wanted to ask him to continue but I knew that he wasn't 100% into it and so I decided to just wait and try for tonight.
None of this is remarkable whatsoever except for the fact that I really enjoyed it, despite the fact that he was not horny for me, and the EC stayed strong and is still strong today. I hope to reconnect tonight and celebrate.
I think that I get too caught up in what other men would do and how they would react to me. Yeah, there are millions of guys out there who would drool at the thought of their wives allowing a leg massage and flashing the goods, etc, not to mention the 'snuggling' which was really me with my body half draped on his while I held his penis in my hand and softly stroked it, but so WHAT!!!! I'm not married to them. I have much better results when I concentrate on who I am married to, and what he likes and needs from me. I still struggle with the thought of "he SHOULD be turned on by this, why isn't he?" etc. I really wish I could ditch this line of thinking; it would most likely make things a lot easier on myself.
I am always amazed at my H's insistence that I never initiate. To him, the only thing that counts as initiation is me grabbing him and making him hard. To most HD guys, if the wife doesn't run away, THAT counts as initiation! lol
I want to be able to be subtle and still turn him on and go from there. Well if you can call flashing your goods for an hour subtle! LOL (poor Chris is prolly disgusted by this story, but hey I don't feel that my body is unappealing so I refuse to act as if I believe that is true)
Anyhoo I feel good about tonight but I just sent him HD's picture of the foot sticking out of the belly (which was obviously photo-shopped) and now he is all freaked out by that. Sigh!
I have much better results when I concentrate on who I am married to, and what he likes and needs from me. I still struggle with the thought of "he SHOULD be turned on by this, why isn't he?" etc.
honeypot
This is profound, HP. I struggle with it too. I will try to remember this the next time it happens.
Part of the problem is that we are just such different people that it doesn't occur to me to think like he does. Not that I should be thinking like he does, but a certain level of understanding each other is necessary to maintain a long term relationship, imo.
So when I was stretched out on him and he was massaging my legs, it was approx 8:30. Then we got the kids into bed and headed to bed ourselves shortly after that. So about 15 minutes elapsed between the time when he was really enjoying the view (at one point I propped my legs up on the back of the sofa, with my backside nestled up against him). Now one would think that the.......vibe...we had going on would have lasted through that 15 minutes but it didn't. When I got in bed with him I was literally starting over with him. To him, these are unrelated events. "that was back at the sofa, this is in bed" I was turning him on; I could see it and feel it. But it had vanished 15 min later. I have spent so many hours of my life wailing and gnashing teeth over this simple fact of LIFE with him. There is nothing I can do to change it. What I need to do--and what I have been working on for a few years now with no lasting success--is to do the leg stretch if it feels good to me and enjoy the fact that it turns him on slightly..but be fully aware that I will be starting over when we finally get to bed.
There is no "delicious anticipation" with this man. There is no "foreplay to last all day", etc. He is a highly compartmentalized individual and, while he may change one day, I have no control over it and so should be thinking about how to live my life with him NOW.
This is so much easier said than done. In fact, I would bed that the HD guys reading this think "What is the big deal here?" but it really does take a high level of confidence and resilience to flaunt yourself in that intimate of a way and KNOW that you will likely get no response. We, as women, have been culturally indoctrinated to believe that shakin your booty is irresistable. It takes one tough chick to come to terms with the knowledge that you are NOT irresistable but you are still pretty damn good.
Hpot, who is getting ready to scare the neighbors in her maternity swimsuit.
What a dicotomy you present! I'm impressed with the way you've chosen to view this and that you kept the EC in the process. That is huge!
I'm one of the millions of guys you suspect would be turned on by the legs in my lap with accompanying show. You're left wondering why your H isn't turned on enough to act on it.
But not all W have been conditioned to think that shaking their booty makes them irresistable, dear. My W would do the leg drape (without a hint of show) and be put out to think that it did turn me on. Her thought would be, "Gosh, can't you just simply rub my legs without turning it into a sex act?"
Mike - wishing somebody had taught me a lot more about W as a teenager
Quote: My W would do the leg drape (without a hint of show) and be put out to think that it did turn me on. Her thought would be, "Gosh, can't you just simply rub my legs without turning it into a sex act?"
Oh my...that is exactly what I thought when I read HP's description of her night on the couch. Well, it wasn't the first thing I thought about, but it was the first thing I thought about my W, after I did a lot of thinking about HP, and about how soft her skin must be and . . . where was I? Oh yeah, I was thinking that my W would pull something like that and say exactly what your W would say, Mike.
What am I, some massage-o-bot? No, I am a man.
Now, back to those other legs on the couch....
Hairdog, who is working on a high-profile case involving a business in Valley Park, Missouri.
