I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
MadFrog - heya! Sorry to say, the story sounds too familiar. /-: Good luck to you and yours, and it's always nice to have an outlet when you need one. (-:
Quote: Right now, I'm in an "affection-lite" phase. I don't feel like hugging or kissing her much, so I don't do it.
Wow. That's a really big thing. I've been so caught up in trying to do everything I can to help him feel well-loved and committed to, that I hadn't considered not hugging or kissing him. I will actually make myself do it sometimes because it doesn't cost me anything and it relaxes him. (And I do miss touching him when I haven't for too long.) I went through a period of not doing much of that, because I didn't feel like it, and he felt we were growing distant.
But then, with us it's not nearly as difficult as with some others. He's always hugging me and kissing me. He's always holding me and telling me he loves me. He's very affectionate, and really, he's as physically dependent upon my hugs as I am to his... he just doesn't get hormonal about it, maybe. I have everything I could possibly want from a man - emotional openness, affection, physical and emotional support, physical gestures, he cooks, and cleans... he just doesn't make love to me. I feel distant when we haven't made love in a while, and he feels distant when I'm not hugging him as much as I usually do.
But I usually stop myself from *not* hugging him. I don't want to take away something that I enjoy if I go ahead and do it anyway out of anger and maybe a bit of pettiness. Part of me has the thought about it that "maybe that way he'd know what I feel." I don't want that to be why I don't walk with an arm around him, and I don't think I can escape the thought. *sighs* Ah, well. It's nifty to actually realize that if I do it because I don't feel like it, it might not be petty, just living in my comfort zone. Well, we shall see.
I am turning in revolution
these are the scars that silence carved
on me
Just an update, a vent, a reply - ya know...
I read a lot of posts, and what some people go through. Then I think about my marriage. Then I get all macho - "I ain't gonna whine about my marriage like a little boy. By god I'm gonna fix it." That's usually when I wake up I have recently obsessed over my relationship with my wife - I must be hornier than usual. I think more and more about EA (hiring a pro, or a web swinger site). Then I come to my senses again.
You know that songs by Greenday? There's a line in there:
"When masturbation's lost its fun, you're f...ing lonely"
It lost its fun a long time ago. While my wife has made some improvements in our marriage, I'm still not satisfied. The thing is that she is aware of her own shortcomings. She has several times commented on how bad a wife she was because I do all the house work, handle all the finances, cook, clean, do the laundry, etc. When I hear that I really, really want to scream: "then why don't you f...ing DO something about it?" But I refrain. My middle name is self control. That and I kick-box. Anyway, I told her that starting next week she was going to have her own bank account and be responsible for everything that is NOT bills. We'll see if she can manage. At least she agreed happily to do it. Good.
Then she also has tried to do some more housework than usual. That is nice, and I intend to give her a nice HAllmark-type card thanking her for it and to let her know that I have noticed.
And then when I try to initiate sex on sunday, I was met by a heartfelt NO. Oh well, I went and picked up the dog crap from the yard instead. Almost as much fun, really! I made a really big effort to not appear upset or mad about it. I'll try again next week.
One of the more disturbing thoughts that I have is that I am not even sure that I even _like_ my wife any more. I think that I still love her, and I am still attracted to her (even though I really wish she would lose about 20lbs). But is that just the gonads talking? I am not sure anymore.
All I know is that I am really tired of living with a really bad roommate - you know, the kind that leaves the house a mess, doesn't pay her share of the bills and leaves a sink full of dishes? That kind.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I think I might hang out with the Lotus-eaters for a while.
The differentiation song:
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
Linkin Park
Hey froggie. My roommate pays all the bills, which is nice. My roommate even keeps it pretty clean. She does her and DD3's laundry. She likes it when I cook, but doesn't expect me to do it all the time. She even cleans up after my cooking, for the most part. What makes her a bad roommate is that she blames me for a lot of the troubles in her life. E.g., we have a car in the shop now. It's an Audi, and we have had more problems with it than with any other car we've ever owned. She blames me for the money spent on the car because I couldn't fit in the Subaru Forester, but could fit in the Audi. Now, I know what you're thinking. I could have just as easily said to her, "the money spent on the car is directly attributable to your choice of husband/roommate, in that I was 6'-3" tall in 1998, and remain that height today." But the other problem with this roommate is that there is no way to make a point with her successfully. Even if you "win" you "lose."
So what do you do with these kind of roommates? I think you're on the right road in making yours independent with a bank account of her own. Kind of like me stopping doing her laundry and all the cooking. I think it just gives you less to be resentful about.
My W wants me to cut up some branches from a tree I trimmed the other day. It took a while for me to do the initial job of trimming, until I realized that they might do some damage to the house. Now that I've cut them down, they're kind hidden next to our house. No immediate danger. They're not going anywhere. They're not high on my priority list. Plus, I can't cut them up when I am watching DD3, which is what I do every afternoon and evening. I am not motivated to do this job. I am already a pretty decent husband. I don't ask for much. I wonder if she realizes how motivated I would be to please her, if she just put forth some effort to please me?
Quote: I think it just gives you less to be resentful about.
My W wants me to cut up some branches from a tree I trimmed the other day. It took a while for me to do the initial job of trimming, until I realized that they might do some damage to the house. Now that I've cut them down, they're kind hidden next to our house. No immediate danger. They're not going anywhere. They're not high on my priority list. Plus, I can't cut them up when I am watching DD3, which is what I do every afternoon and evening. I am not motivated to do this job. I am already a pretty decent husband. I don't ask for much. I wonder if she realizes how motivated I would be to please her, if she just put forth some effort to please me?
Hairdog
yeah, I think my current tack is to reduce the resentment factor as much as possible. The goal is to make ME as happy as possible. Since the W seems perfectly happy as is, no point in making any other efforts. Of course that leaves me resenting the hell out of the fact that i am jerking off as much at age 33, married with 2 kids than I was at age 17, single living at home... and we come full circle to some comments that Corri made in a different thread. Once I have given W enough time to try and "fix herself" (restore her sex drive using medicine) I will lay out my requirements for a happy marriage and make it her decision to meet or not meet my needs. The ONLY thing that keeps me at home right now are my kids. Without them I'd have been out the door a while back. oh yeah, and a separate bank account is also a good thing should I decide to go for the big D.
As far as your branches go, I think they need to season a while before you can use them for a nice bonfire in the backyard with the kids. Smores, yum!
The differentiation song:
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
Linkin Park
you can buy a firepit and put that in your backyard. You know, those cheapo copper jobs that the local Costco/Sam's club sells. They look kinda nice and you can get a small fire going. Then you can burn your collection of sex toys and porn. oh wait - you might need those. Then burn whatever effigy you choose to represent your non-alone sex life.
The differentiation song:
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
Linkin Park
Honeypot - You know you're always welcome to warm weenies over on this side of the State.
So, get this: I came home yesterday and W told me that she had to apologize to our neighbors about the branches not being cut up and disposed of. I offered to go talk to them, and she said, "no, just please do it this weekend." I wonder if she really spoke to the neighbor, or if it's just more PRESSURE. Either way, I had planned to teach my 15 year old son how to work the chain saw, so it will get done this weekend.
Hairdog - who'd gladly chop firewood all day long for a little attention to his "wood" at night.
