I am feeling rather shelled shocked these days as I am sure you are too. Realizing that H seems to be moving away rather than towards me is quite the emotional land mine. Besides that he is blowing off his kids as well which makes my own pain that much greater. Kind of like you can mess with me but don't mess with the kids. That hurts.
I am out of practice with my detaching, havn't had to do much of it since April. H is def AWOL right now, not even sure if he is in or out of country.
Kids go back to school on Tuesday. I need to have a convo with attorney about some things, maybe make some financial decisions.
I am even thinking I may need to get together a resume soon. Sort of scary considering I have been out of work force for 14 years. I used to be in social services but I don't think I have the patience for that sort of thing right now, plus pay is notoriously low. I do have a lot of volunteer type experience, so I may be looking for something where I can put my administrative and organizational skills to use. I was only a working mom for about a year while my oldest S was between a year and 2, now he is 15. I guess a lot of women do it, so I can too. It was just a decision that H and I made long ago that becuz he travelled so much I needed to be home for kids.
Hmmm...guess Deb won't want to come in from Kansas.
Cathy at one time sounded interested.
Did you ever read the articles by Hearts Blessings on the MLC? I never read but a bit of them but I think they do the come out then run back thing.
On the other hand it can't hurt for him to see you have a life rather he chooses to be in it or not.
I understand on the kids. That has to really be hard on them.
Totite is great on ideas for jobs maybe we need to ask her for suggestions for you, utilizing your volunteer skills and see if something pays better than the social services do.
If you go to attorney, just don't let them push you into anything. Their job is to get you divorced and that is what their goal is going to be. I think some of them are better than others about wanting people to have a chance to put it together if possible.
Not saying don't go, but I did do a lot of reading before going to an attorney and mine wasn't a good divorce A but if she were I would probably have been divorced a lot sooner and with more ill will between CHL and I.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
The friendship deal with CHL is definitely a struggle for me at times.
Plus he has been pretty sick again. That was one of the reasons he gave me for going through with the divorce was his health was suffering. Doesn't seem his health is any better after being divorced for over a month.
I have spent part of the past week arranging utilities and insurance for my new house. Getting my vehicles transfered to my new insurance as that gives me a discount on the house insurance.
CHL & I's car insurance was due today. Wednesday I let him know the insurance guy let me know I had to go ahead and move mine to get the best rate on my house.
So he was just going to pay the bill we have here with all 3 vehicles on it and then let them refund him. Now I am pretty sure those of you that have followed us know what a procrastinator he can be.
Shoot the insurance still owes us half of a new roof on this house and I'm sure we'll never get that now.
So I said would you like for me to get you a quote from this guy I'm going with? He said well isn't enough time is there? I said I think so as he is just now doing my vehicles.
So got quote and he said no problem on time frame. CHL e-mailed the info the guy needed on his car and Friday I stopped by his office, signed my papers and picked up CHL's for him to sign.
Am also getting a quote on the insurance on PK as his rate seems considerably better than what we have now.
CHL has thanked me, he had intended to come over and sign his papers but he sounded horrible on the phone Friday and said he didn't even go to work on Thursday. That is highly unusual for him to miss a whole day of work.
In his thank you e-mail he said he would either be over this weekend to pick up insurance papers or next week. Said he would probably see my house then, either take a long lunch or take off early one day.
This I struggled with as my ASSumption for the reason he can't come and see my house in an evening is he spends all of his evenings with J.
I am unsure how to handle this sitch. If I want to maintain the friendship I guess I need to accept what he is willing to give and not wonder what he is doing with his other time.
On the other hand does that leave me feeling still second fiddle per say, to her?
For me to do the friendship I think it needs to not be obvious when he is being careful to get back to Louisville and not stay over here too long. Maybe she has told him she doesn't want him to see me?
No clear ideas. Just confussion.
Mostly have decided to drop worrying about it and focus on decluttering here and getting ready to move to new home.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Went up to see the bedroom suite that dad bought that caused the problems. It isn't what I would have picked but it isn't bad and the pieces all match this way.
I thanked him and told him I liked it, which I do. Haven't talked with mom so no idea if she is upset or not.
She wanted to get me a mattress and sofa and he bought a mattress and bedroom suite that she said was ugly.
So today I did something that Pam couldn't have done in the past!!!!!!!!!!
I went to a furniture store, wandered around looking at sofa's. Talked to a salesman, asking what material would stand up best to the shelties and bought a sofa and loveseat that were on sale. Shouldn't have spent the money, or should I say charged it, but mom had wanted me to have a new sofa for when people came to see my new home.
I realized the one I have, which I bought second hand from a girl I worked with, 7 years ago was looking pretty worn so I went for it.
I was a bit uncomfortable but told myself, shoot it is just looking and talking with someone and you like to talk.
So I did fine, pleased with myself.
I think I really like the sofa as well, hope it goes with my yellow walls!!!!!!!!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I'm loving reading about the house and all that goes into it!
AND, I know it was a challenge for you to get out there and do that sofa shopping so clap, clap, clap (giving you a BIG hand!) -- AWESOME GIRLFRIEND!!!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
This is another do it to myself, need to drop the rope and WALK AWAY!!!
I got my car insurance moved to the same company my house insurance is because I got a 20% discount if they had my car and home.
So I checked on David moving his insurance. He thought he wouldn't have time but he did so he sent the guy the info on his car, then he was sick Thursday and Friday so I picked up his paperwork that he needs to sign. The insurance man said I could just fax back the signature page to him Monday.
I didn't hear from David all weekend. Left him vm and sent e-mail that I had paperwork and guy wanted it back Monday.
STILL haven't heard from him to acknowledge that he got my messages or anything.
This is one of the things that during our marriage drove me crazy!!!!!
So I know the solution is to leave David to his own ends. It just hasn't been easy for me to do. I intend to try to focus some energy and thought into doing just that and when I get it accomplished that should be good for me.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: So I know the solution is to leave David to his own ends. It just hasn't been easy for me to do. I intend to try to focus some energy and thought into doing just that and when I get it accomplished that should be good for me.
YUP YUP YUP! Pammy knows what to do! AND, YOU CAN DO IT!!!
That has to really be hard on them. 
