Nothing new. W made some short term sexual moves to make herself feel like she's a "good wife". My declaration that I would no longer accept unenthusiastic sex rang the bell that she couldn't ignore. She knows she rarely been enthusiastic about it (evidenced by her refusals), but her thing is to think (read: imagine) that she hasn't done anything wrong. And I got the added benefit of hearing how much pressure it puts on her!
So, she's still in control of initiating sex, which she did for a few mornings for two weeks. But there isn't really anything different about it. It's the same "See what a sacrifice I'm making for you?" activity followed by "Don't act like I'm not doing everything I'm supposed to anymore!" attitude. My choices are the same as I've complained about numerous times. I'm here for my kids and have no illusions of sexual changes in my M. My W doesn't want the changes I want. I won't live like this forever, but it's the best option for now.
BTW, congratulations on your boob! I come back from vacation to find out a family "member" was in peril without my knowledge. If I had known I would have rushed to your side to hold it.....uh....your hand.
Mike, That is SO generous of you; I had no idea you were such a dedicated friend.
Regarding your wife...have you asked her if she is ever enthusiastic about having sex with you? I guess what I'm askin is: How do you know she is unenthusiastic every time? Maybe she is just struggling with her own issues.
I just hate to see you cut off your nose to spite your face, kwim? If you set the bar so high, that just gives her the ammo she needs to not try at all. (which seems to be what's happening)
I mean, insisting on enthusiasm doesn't seem--to me--like setting the bar too high, but I can tell you that my H has this crazy idea of what I think is enthusiasm. He thinks it involves all kinds of odd behavior, etc. Well not that odd to me, it actually sounds pretty damn good LOL, but that's not really what I'm talkin about either.
So maybe you just need to talk it out with your wife again and tell her that you need frequent sex with an enthusiastic partner to feel that your commitment can stay strong thru the years.
What does she respond to those sorts of conversations?
The healthy-boobed one asked: So maybe you just need to talk it out with your wife again and tell her that you need frequent sex with an enthusiastic partner to feel that your commitment can stay strong thru the years.
What does she respond to those sorts of conversations? --------------------------
Answer: All the right words, agreement, etc., etc., etc.
But no matter what we talk about or agree on, the follow through just isn't there (or doesn't last). My sitch is no different than others have posted in that the excuses are endless (too tired, overwhelmed with "whatever", she feels too pressured, I'm not affectionate enough or too critical or too distant, blah, blah, blah). It only took me 23 years to figure out that it will always be something.
The fact is that she already knows the problem it's caused for me since the beginning. There's really nothing more to say. She starts TSSM and PM when I raise enough hell, but stops reading as soon as things settle down. I'm not afraid of conflict, but I don't want to live in it, even to get more sex. It's just not worth the fight. What do I really have to gain? More sex knowing it's just to shut me up? No, thanks.
She's claimed to want to be sexier and more sexual. (And I want to play the piano. I don't want to LEARN piano, I just want to play.) If you just talk it without doing something, it's just meaningless talk.
Forgive me if this sounds defeatist. I'm really OK. My W is the personality type that thinks that thinking about doing something is the same as doing it. I'm definitely the "don't tell me, show me" type.
I have no doubt that were I to walk out the door, she'd do whatever was necessary to keep me. The trouble with that scenario is that I'm the kind of guy that won't walk out until it's too late to get me back.
Thanks for your concern. It's good to know you're a "holding" type of friend, too.
Mike - Once upon a time there was a M and W that were happily M having sex every day...but she decided that it was her job to be the tree inspector, ate that stupid apple, and ruined it for the rest of us.
I have a feeling that Mikey would hold just about any woman's body part if it were attached to our beloved and fecund Honey... LOL...
Tough realizations over your vacation, but hopefuly it helped your ever active mind cope better. You have to do what is best for you, whatever that may be.
Oh Jo, you do have a way with words! I am sitting here LMAO over being described as beloved and fecund. H told me last weekend I looked like the statue of the fertility goddess. I just want to look like a normal person again!!
Would you rather have been referred to as a "Fertile Myrtle?" I thought not.....
You cornered the market on big bellies but I've cornered the market on being the "big bottomed girl that make the rocking world go 'round." LOL
There are several famous fertility goddesses and Honey, we most certainly qualify for a variety of reasons... "Large and in charge," "more cushing for the pushing," you get my drift. I really could have been one of Rubens models.... or Titian's, too......
Quote: I've cornered the market on being the "big bottomed girl that make the rocking world go 'round."
Uhhh, nothing personal you know, but wasn't the song about FAT bottomed girls? I'm sure your bottom isn't fat and is actually quite attractive, but a song is a song.
If you have strong swimmer, stay away from Honey.... She is starting a trend of popping them out rather quickly so no bunny thing for you two. Besides think of the kid's names...
Honey Chocolate Pot, Chocolate Honey Eyes... What is this porn names 101?
According to some study I read about, heterosexual men from all cultures are usually sexually attracted to women who have an overall appearance of good health and symmetry and possess a waist to hip/bust ratio between .7 and .75. The women in Rubens paintings and extremely thin fashion models share these characteristics. This is also why women who are so heavy that they have lost their waistline are less attractive as are women who are thin in a stick-like way.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
