Hi folks! I will be out of the 'office' today, as I am a doula for my sister's birth. She is having her little one sometime today; I am very excited for her.
No change on the homefront, boring as usual. H was NOT talking about anything flirty when he said he couldn't say over the phone what his urgent matter was that he had to do--he was talking about finding another job! lol Oh I am so pathetic to even think that it could be related to me. We had a nice night together but he was quite uninterested in me sexually AGAIN. He said, Let's try to hook up tomorrow night. I replied, NO! I will be gone all day and probably all night at my first "job" as a doula and you are forgetting that. WHY you want to put sex off night after night, I will never know. At any rate, I will not be here and available to you.
After a few moments I realized what a beotch I was being and said, Listen I just wanted to thank you for even bringing it up. I realize that getting into bed with me must feel like a firestorm half the time with all the worry about what you are 'supposed' to do, etc. Thank you for at least acknowledging me in that way.
I hate that he knows he can keep putting it off and putting it off and I will always be there, spread eagle and willing. It sucks! Furthermore, HE hates this too. How sexy can it be? Where is the sense of chase or anticipation?
Oh well, I'm sick of thinking about it. I've got bigger fish to fry! Wish me luck on the birth of the baby; this is a little part time job I am trying to strike up and she is my first client.
That sounds like it would be a very interesting part-time job. I always enjoy exchanging "war" stories with other women who experienced natural childbirth. My first "battle" was a 36 hour ordeal and my last "battle" was complicated by the fact that I had my appendix removed 6 monthes into battle preparations and I had to spend 2 weeks on a morphine drip with staples holding together an abdomen that was ballooning larger every day in a ward room with 2 women who had been told that their babies would almost certainly die at birth.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
You know, folks, the lack of sex causes a lot of my H's good (and even outstanding) qualities to sometimes go unseen by me. Rather, it is the lack of sex which causes the lack of emotional connection which causes me to be blind to his really wonderful traits cause, quite frankly, I am not looking for them. I am not motivated or inspired to look for them. I am content to carry on for a few days feeling out of sorts but still happy until a few days after THAT in which I feel the disconnection so acutely that I feel compelled to act on it asap.
Nonetheless, his good qualities are there the whole time. If I could retrain myself to see them regardless of the EC, I am wondering if that would help me get the EC back faster and without making it so contingent on ML? I personally did not get a whole lot out of the 5 love languages book but there is some truth to it: Speak my language and I will feel loved. If I speak yours, you will feel loved. Regardless of whether I am actually trying to "love" you or not..
Last night, I was at the hospital with my laboring sister. I had forgotten something from home and called my H to see if he would bring it to me, which of course he did. He then proceeded to stay the entire night until the baby was born (which he cares nothing about--not in a mean way, but in a masculine "if it's not my baby, I don't need to be here" way) as a sign of support for me. Since this was my first 'gig' as a doula he was SO excited for me--much more than I was about it--and wanted to stay until the end so he could experience my excitement with me.
Why do I not see this man as the person he is? He is giving and wonderful and is my number one fan, always.
Why does this black cloud hang over me and create a filter through which I view him? I really want to get past this. I just cannot seem to keep the EC unless we are frequently ML, which has not been happening lately due to his hangups with my pg. I do try and it is forced sometimes but the effort from my end is there.
Any suggestions or thoughts are welcome.
P.S. Everything went well with my sister and the new babe!
I don't know, but I'm the same way. The lack of sex seems to blind me to W's sterling qualities. I get frustrated and angry and see nothing good. If you find an answer, I need to hear it too.
I'm right there with you. I have an outstanding husband, he's a great guy, wonderful friend...and as you said my biggest fan! I too have blinders on to his good qualities though when I'm not getting the EC...and as you said...the good qualities are still there.
I am the same way too. H is a good person, I just can't seem to see it that way most of the time since we have very little physical contact. If you guys find it, PLEASE me in on the secret
I am new around here, but not new to this scenario. I know exactly what you mean. I am the same way. My H often says that I have a dark side, and why can I just not be happy? Truth is - I am a happy person, but once that EC is severed (typically starts sliding after 4-5 days after sex), then everything is tainted by that. Wish I knew the answer!
If all those great qualities met your basic needs, then you wouldn't be here.
The fact is simple. Sex is an important part of your construction. That is just the way it is. Analyze any way you want. Give it fancy names and technical terms if you like. Regardless, it is a basic need for you.
It is the same for me. My wife is a wonderful woman with many great qualities. I need the sex. She really doesn't. I now try my best to meet her counterpart needs. She tries to meet mine. That is called a relationship.
Get with your hubby and make a plan to meet your needs.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
