Thanks for the list of suggestions. I do leave my copies of SSM and PM and a few other books out for her to see. Not primarily because I think she'll read them, though I wish she would, but so that she'll know I care enough to study the problem. I have ordered the Men's Health Guide to Sex. I'll have to be careful leaving that one about, because there will surely be pictures, and the kids are too young for that type of exposure (D6 and S4). I mentioned what my wife said to me because I think it was primarily a function of her irritation at the time. She also mentioned my weight. I'm 6'1" and 190 pounds. I could stand to move the weight around, from belly to arm and leg muscles. She is thin, but I think we could both stand to be more physicaly active. And I think it would be fun for us, so I will suggest that we do some more walking. etc. I realize that what she is saying is not completely correct, but I think it is what she feels. I also know she is not that comfortable talking about specific sexual issues, either in or out of bed. In fact, she very often started crying while I was doing oral sex on her. Perhaps I 'm not perfect, but the crying gave me pause.
Quote: In fact, she very often started crying while I was doing oral sex on her. Perhaps I 'm not perfect, but the crying gave me pause.
Yikes! I did cry after sex once because it was so bad for me (poor guy). But I was young and it was the first time I had sex with someone after breaking up with a long-term boyfriend. I needed sympathy sex and I got some wham-bam action. Since I usually like wham-bam action, clearly the problem was my emotional state and inability to control the action due to inexperience,not my lover's skills.
I can't imagine the emotional state of a woman who would cry when her H was giving her oral. I'm trying to imagine what she might be thinking and I'm coming up blank. Did you ask her why she was crying?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: I can't imagine the emotional state of a woman who would cry when her H was giving her oral. I'm trying to imagine what she might be thinking and I'm coming up blank. Did you ask her why she was crying?
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm thinking "past sexual abuse." I certainly don't want to think that mandksdad is so awful at it that he made her cry.
I was me, m&k'sdad, not SM, who brought my W to tears by eating her out. Yes, I think there is something deep down or way back that she isn't telling me. I haven't broched (sp?) the subject of the technicalities of sex since she made her "unskilled" comment over a year ago. I've been trying to get her more comfortable with me. Recall that she is Japanese, as in born and raised in Japan, so many of the norms for us the the West may not hold for her. Still, the Japanese are a pretty lusty crew, in some ways with fewer inhibitions than us (for better or worse, age of consent is pretty low there). Also, as I mentioned in my other thread, W, D6, S4 and I all sleep in the same bed (another Japanese custom) so pillow talk is difficult. I guess what I'm getting at is that she kind of wants me to know what she wants without asking. It sucks.
Telling you you're unskilled. Crying while you're going down on her. There's something more going on here than any of us know about. Do you have any clues?
Wildebube et al, Clues... I've been beating by brain about this for a long time. I know for sure she had at least two physical relationships with men before she knew me, and I don't know of anything out of the ordinary. One of the men, in Japan, lives near her parents and owns a cafe, but she doesn't want to see him or go to that cafe. She says they almost got married; he was quite a bit older than her. Clues ??? I'm not holding anything back that I think would elucidate. W's sister lives with us and I have, gingerly, grilled her on the subject of why she needs to sleep with the kids and why she isn't close to me, and she claims not to know anything. My MC wants very much to have a gander at her, but W will have none of it. I just don't know.
Quote: I can't imagine the emotional state of a woman who would cry when her H was giving her oral. I'm trying to imagine what she might be thinking and I'm coming up blank. Did you ask her why she was crying?
I can imagine. If she is like my wife, she is wondering who that stranger is between her legs.
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
I don't claim to be an expert on this kind of thing .. and I know that crying before, during or after sex is a no-no, however I did it earlier this year.
It was during VERY rare and intense LM and I found myself weeping because it had been so long, it felt so good and I felt such a wonderful connection with my 'better' half (aussie slang for partner).
Just thought I would throw my 2 cents worth in, I would hate to think that it was because of any sinester issues with her past.
Dear Nel and Tony, Last night was something of a bummer. W returned after a week away. Kids are out of town. It's the first time we have slept alone together in 6 years. So I was kind of excited. In a way, so was she. from the time I got home from work, we both had on a kind of silly smile. I know I was enjoying her company. Anyhoo, we got into bed and I tried to snuggle up to her, Things got ugly, with her kicking and slapping. I swear to you, I was trying to hug her, not force myself on her. She overreacted big time. So I asked her, "Is there something I should know, from your past?" She said, "I know you think there is but no, absolutely not." Funny thing, this morning, I was still kind of ticked off, and she said she was sorry, and insisted that I hug her. This Jekyll and Hyde stuff really freaks me out. So it looks like, if there is anything, she isn't willing to talk about it.
