Thanks all, I found some responses here after I posted asking for input.....I still get confused here on the bb... HP, thanks, I keep thinking his horniness is a good thing, and I have been reminded of how great things used to be, and how much I did like --I'm sure he did shut down for years, for many reasons...I am doing it because I want to....I cant imagine either that he hasnt yet come to understand that yet...maybe he does feel safe again now, and that is why he's "exploded" etc.....
Sometimes I'm not sure if it's patience love and grace that keeps me going, or....I don't know, angry stubborness? I don't know....I don't love him with all my heart, and I do pray a lot....that must be it...it must come from God, I don't think it would be inside me all by my doing....
As far as not talking to her, I don't know....I have talked to her on the phone 2x.....decided it wasnt worth wasting my time on her, because she really is an irrational person and she will just twist and turn anything I did or said to justify her status, and frankly I'm sure she would LOVE it if I gave her something to whine about.....she can do a FINE WHINE, I believe....So, I believe that one of the worst things I can do to her is not say anything to her, and let her stew in her own juices. I think it's a weird form of revenge. Although I have to say there have been times when I've been able to get her to turn on her heel and go the opposite way in the hall with just a look. I've also "flipped her off" (I know, new depths of depraved childishness) when I've passed her on the street....I'm mean what's she going to do if I do those, start her FINE WHINE to H that I "looked at her mean" or "flipped her off?".....I always hoped she would, he wouldnt believe it.
sigh....do you think it sounds like he has decided not to leave me/home and is not wanting to tell her?
Boy, he was one nervous person today is staff meeting....I watched him, and he couldnt sit still....fidgeted and squirmed and took off out the door like a shot.
thanks all, I appreciate your vote of confidence, actually I'm pretty sure I could let her know i was there if need be..... Actually, when H was telling me "it" was all over back when, he made the comment that he didn't think she ever wanted to "go nose to nose and toe to toe" with me because she thought she'd come out on the losing end....
Back in my wilder younger days, in college, a guy walked up to me in a bar and pinched me on the boob, and I decked him, literally put him on the floor....of course ther was an element of surprise involved, but his friends told me for ever after that he was scared to death of me. I bet I could do it again even now hehehehehe
Hi Pamila, I think you hit the nail on the head, this is what's been swirling underneath the surface....I would confront H in any way because I am angry and out of the hope it would make me feel better; it would probably just set things back further from where I want to go....although I'm not sure I can resist the lotion gig....
The fact that he was squirming so much does mean that he has enough of a consicience bothering him to be sheepish about it....he was really uncomfortable, and it had to be about me, it would make OW's day for him not to be wearing it.... He did start wearing it again with out a word from me, I used to make a big issue of it LAST summer, to no avail.....hmmmm....maybe I should take note of that "to no avail" observation....and that gives him something else to rebel agains and have justification for his behavior....my "pressure" and "unreasonableness" right.....plus, I did go there just before vacation, when he came home from work w/o it and he said he'd just forgotten it and it would take time to get in the habit of wearing it....I'm sure that's what he'd say again and in his mind turn it into me being unreasonable....hmmmmm......This dude is really stuck between a rock and a hard place....
I've been thinking his extreme "urge surge" is good....I have thought and thought, and I cant come up with any reason to see it as anything but good.....
and I believe that he'd be avoiding/pulling away/shutting down in that dept. if he was trying to get himself out the door.....the same with his references to future plans, etc.....
I can only hope I'm right. I have a hard time trusting my instincts some times.
I havent had a single email from THE SLICK ONE today.....guess I'll let him stew....
hmmmm....yes, or you know how it is when you somehow trip and hot coffee splashes all over someone, or........I could go on, I have to say I grew up as a tomboy on a farm, and I have tried to develop some refinement as I've matured, but in times of stress those old survival techniques tend to come to mind....(not that I ever did anything harmful or illegal, just.....ornery)
I have to say that I am smiling at the new moniker for H ... THE SLICK ONE LOL
Someone else on the board caught her H in a lie about having bought some cherry vanilla lotion at a place like Gander Mountain. Of course he lied and said it wasn't for OW. Now cherry vanilla lotion is a huge thorn in the flesh for her.
Maybe you could slather yourself up with cherry vanilla lotion tonight and when H smells you he will begin to have a conditioned pleasure response to the smell rather than what he prob associates with it, which has to be GUILT.
I am so irritated and frustrated by his continuing load of crap I could scream......not one single word from him today.But I guess I better get over it and decide to get on with life and whatever.... I think I'm going to at least sleep on the ring crap....I may decide to not even mention it....it bothers me to not confront stuff, because it just seems like condoning it or whatever...but as TC posted from her thread, HB's info, "you don't confront a MLC'er because they are irrational".......sure irritates the crap out of me, though..... But the thought does keep occuring to me that for him to be so uncomfortable about me seeing that he isn't wearing it has to mean there's been some progress made....He's concerned enough with what I think to be worried, although is he more concerned w/what OW thinks so he isnt wearing it? I believe he's taking the path of least resistance, ususually he's there and seated before I get there, so there isn't as much chance for me to notice, and he's over there in the building with her all day.....I very seldom see her.
It's possible he hasnt emailed me because he's afraid I'm upset, or because he feels guilty and pressured after finding the nice, loving mushy card today (good or poor timing, I don't know)....because he's incredibly busy (that's what he will say) or because he's all wrapped up in hot & heavy emails from OW....
I'm thinking he probably expects to get some type of repercussion over the ring when he gets home....so would ignoring it completely be good DBing? isn't one of the premises to do a 180 on what they expect you to do/you usually do?
hmmmmmm, now this is kind of a devious thought, but he knows I know, so by not saying a word, does that point out some things to him...I don't know, maybe:
-I do love him unconditionally; all his testing and crap will not change that -I may not always react in the way he expects -I'm not all that concerned with what he's doing w/OW (hah, now that might, admittedly, be a stretch for him to think that) -I am the patient, loving one with his best interests at heart, who truely loves him enough not to pressure him? who means it when she said he is free to go because she's the one who isnt pressuring him to stay?????
I dont know, does any of this make sense to ANYONE? I'm not completely sure it makes sense to me......
Hi Pamila...I remember reading about the lotion on someone elses thead, too...cherry seems to be a hot scent....hehehehe...I love your idea too.....actually I may just do that....H wont be home until 8:30 or so, and maybe I will REEK of it when he comes in and put the moves on him.....I know, maybe I will coat his shower soap with it...... Actually, I'm thinking maybe I should call him "The One Who THINKS He's Slick"...both are pretty accurate, don't you think?
Well, what do you know, I just got an email from The Slick One saying "thanks for the card, that was nice" and telling me he just had his 1st meeting with his new supervisor, and he doesnt think much will change.....
--I'm sure he did shut down for years, for many reasons...I am doing it because I want to....I cant imagine either that he hasnt yet come to understand that yet...maybe he does feel safe again now, and that is why he's "exploded" etc.....
hehehehehe 
LOL