Yeah, PIB we've probably hashed out this PI mystery before. Brief summary:
Year #1 (pre marriage) we were ML an average of 2X per day! Hot, excellent, totally in love.
Year #2 Didn't ML on our wedding night...got the cold shoulder approaching him in Lingerie,
Years #3-10 I was sick off and on (ulcerative colitis), had surgeries, not very condusive...still we ML every two weeks or so...some longer "dry spells"...quality started to drop
Around year 8 or 9 I realized that the "direct approach" (jumping him, being provocative) backfired...he'd lose his "umph", even mid-act!
So I backed off....no PI at all unless I brought it up, lots of performance problems for CJ. Even with Viagra (which he's only tried a few times with me).
Suggested Counselling, CJ refused. Suggested hormone tests...CJ refused (he finally did this this spring...they came back "normal" ).
Things got pretty good for a while (like two weeks)....WHILE he was having his second A, and "deciding who he wanted to be with" in Sept of '02....
A couple of attempts to ML in spring of '03, and then as stated above really nothing for the last year or so.
I've read SSM, so has CJ...he doesn't see himself as LD!!!
I've read two other books on the topic (names are escaping me).
What it comes down to for me is that CJ is just not ATTRACTED to me. I am a sexy woman (how's that for humility) I get comments, compliments, interested looks from other men....but not from the ONE MAN I need them from!!
I can't lay any of this on the A's...this issue was burning a hole in my soul LONG before those.
CJ's reasoning for the lack of PI BEFORE the A's and my DBing is that I was just so toxic to him, he didn't feel like being intimate with me.
Okay...so what about NOW???? With nearly TWO YEARS of changes, of getting along well, of respect, listening, validating, conquering my anxieties and perfectionism?
Quote: Okay...so what about NOW???? With nearly TWO YEARS of changes, of getting along well, of respect, listening, validating, conquering my anxieties and perfectionism?
It's just pathetic.
Could you be trying to hard?
Maybe your needs scare him.You sound like a very passionate person.He may be afraid he can't please you.His past experiences performing with you does not mean he can still be that man in his mind.
He sounds like he has developed a phobia.
I wonder what would happen if you just told him all you wanted was for him to Hmmm how to put this?... give you a hand job.Nothing more.Just that. Tell him you just want his touch.Maybe that yours isn't good enough to get the job done.And you need his help. You could put it a bit more tastefully than I just did. But you get the idea.
Maybe you need to just ask for the appetizers for a while.
Some men let their fears get in the way of PI.
Later Friend. Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
Well since I did take July and August off from teaching, my gardens are looking pretty good. Lots of basil, italian parsely, oregano, tarragon, zucchini, lettuce.
Of late my favourite dish has been parmesan-lemon crusted chicken breasts with a salad of spring greens, pear, avocado in a lemon-honey dressing. Serve with breadsticks baked with fresh garlic and olive oil.
Okay, that does it, it's 2:10 p.m. and I haven't had breakfast yet....Thanks Pam!
My H only recently starting being much more interested in ML. Even before we were married, it was often like pulling teeth. (How's that for getting you in the mood?)
After the first sep, H attacked me pretty much daily. Then that time of the month rolled around...and it stopped again... The this last sep happened, and, well...we ML pretty much the whole way through it. (How's that for confusing??) And it hasn't really slacked off.
H used to tell me ML "wasn't important" or that he just "wasn't one of those guys who needed it a lot."
Then...last night, he tells me that he actually would like to ML more often. (We've settled in at around 3x-4x a week, which is just fine for me. At one point we were 1x a month...and then there were months where there was nothing at all...)
Anyway, I know that was long-winded. But my point is, with my H, the more emotionally connected he feels, the safer he feels emotionally, the more he misses me...the more ML. It's highly tied into his emotional state, and how well things are between us in the M. Could this be the same for you?
I honestly thought my H had something wrong in his head, so that the ML department would never improve. Man, did he completely surprise me last night!
WEll lunch was actually a left over bun and some cheese...
Just finished reading Sage's last two posts...Sage...this is JUST the kind of stuff I'm experiencing.
Take this morning for instance: CJ had to work for 1:00, I decided to drive him, take the car and do some grocery/home shopping. I haven't been out of the house since Saturday.
He said he had meetings, had to drive some paperwork...in other words it was a hassle. That just IRKED me...we've been talking about and looking at getting a second car for a few months....no progress.
I have to admit I woke up PISSY...not getting to sleep early enough (or is 4:30 a.m. early?). Plus all these echoes of hurts past have been rolling over me.
Here's my "Blurt of the moment"....After the discussion about the car, I just gave up and climbed back into bed. CJ came into the room ready for work (over an hour early).
So what do I say? "Why are you leaving so early? Are you having lunch with someone?"
My tone and suspicions were crystal clear. Folks, I've never said such a thing in all my DBing...so why now?? He stormed out and said I could call him at work (where he would be prepping a seminar) if I wanted to [check up on him].
It just feels like my frustration with PI and some other long standing "household issues" are coming out in a very non-productive manner.
How about some feedback on this folks:
Some of you will remember the "Pile of shame" in our yard...4 or 5 years worth of weeds, branches, old carpets, piled about 6 feet high all around our Maple tree.
Well last summer he DID call in someone to remove it ...only the wasps/bees that had taken up residence prevented the job from getting done.
It was to be done in the fall (it wasn't) or the early spring (it wasn't).
So a couple of weeks ago my best pal H borrowed a big flatbed truck and she and I took it down as far as we could (without getting swarmed...thousands of wasps remain) and filled the whole truck. Drove to the city dump and hoisted it all off.
Felt REAL good....
Then a few days later after 4 hours of weeding and such in the yard, I tried to put away my tools, only to have them drop to the floor...the shed had not been cleaned out since we moved in 11 years ago!
So I set about it. A garbage bag full of sunflower seed leavings, and assorted debris from the colony of mice that lived there a few years ago. I'm talking an inch thick on the floor and cupboards. A half eated phone book from 1995, a half eaten broom, the abandoned nest.
Two blue bags of recyclable papers and cardboard. 18 empty beer bottles, another blue bag of empty oil/windshield wiper fluid containers.
It was a disgusting job, but honestly we couldn't even access our bikes!
Two hours into that (all the stuff arranged outside) CJ comes home: His comment: "Are you crazy?"
That's it, no thank you, no "can I help"?
Then when I say that H and I were going to tackle the innumerable bottles still in our basement and other recyclables (found a depot nearby)...CJ says NO...HE wants to do it.
Well it's been a week and nothing's stirred from the basement.
Is this a male ego thing? Does it bother him that I'm trimming the spruce trees, the hedges, cleaning the shed, tackling the basement? If so then I wish he would DO IT himself or let me be!
There's a heavy leak in the basement water pipe that feeds to the outdoor hoses...it just needs a little piece of something to fix it....but that hasn't gotten done and now two rooms in our basement are flooded. Not to mention that watering (my favourite out doors job) is now CJ's since he has to turn that pipe on and off himself.
Just these little frustrations, you know?
Worry not, in a better frame of mind I'll post a host of positives, as there are some for sure.
Okay.... I e-mailed somebody to ask a question, and to see if I correctly understood a BB "diagnosis". Instead of an answer, I was double dog dared to ask the question here. (Anyone who's seen "A Christmas Story" knows you can't pass up a double dog dare.)
I don't think it's itchy butt... I wonder if CJ has some control issues. Does he feel like the yard is HIS to do and you are controlling the situation? NOW I know it is frustrating and you are working your butt off, but... what if he thinks it's his yard... the man thing... he WANTS to do it, KNOWS he should do it, but doesn't do it.
Does it make him feel like a failure?
Ditto the sex?
Just wondering.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hot, excellent, totally in love.
)
I don't really think it is still in the house. 
