Haven't been around in a looooong time. I tried to log back on a few months ago but kept getting error messages, new administrator? I actually thought the site might be down.
Well here we are in full summer. The weather has been beautiful here, if a tad to hot for me at times.
My marriage? It's over all pretty good I guess. CJ just proposed a toast to how well we work together, laugh together, think alike etc.
CJ's started working part time...he's teaching seminars and giving training to adults needing to learn computer and business skills.
There's been no hint of contact with OW or any other OW. Although the long hours on his lap-top sometimes call up echoes.
As does this time of year in general. It's about when I was prepping for my surgery in '02 and CJ's A was in full swing.
Two years later and I STILL have so many questions. I had a freaky situation with a disturbed student this year who turned out to have created a fantasy life (including me as her biological mother! )and took the opportunity to ask CJ about the elaborate lying.
I was hoping for some insight, some clear idea of the thinking and feelings going on....his reply "I did it to make myself look better".
Well Lordy, folks, don't we ALL sometimes want to appear "better" than we are? What I want to know is how he crossed that line, how he gave himself PERMISSION to say and write those crazy things. How he FELT while doing it.
So needless to say, I haven't let go completely. Just this week he mentioned being invited to a BBQ at a former co-worker's place. THis woman always bothered me, rumours about the two of them before we even met, lunches they had together after he was let go.
So I told him I might not be comfortable there. He didn't ask why until I prompted him. I told him: "Because I don't know that they don't know you cheated on me". He said NOTHING....and later cancelled out on the event.
There's a lot more (good and bad) in the daily living situation, but I'll save that for another post.
The main and BIGGEST issue for me remains our "love life"...as in there isn't one. We made love in Sept. '03, and attempted to in April of '04. I've talked to him about it...
Last Thursday night we had a great dinner, some wine, and danced the evening away...really connecting for once (I'd told him how unfulfilling it is for me to dance my heart out while he crouches over the laptop picking songs or looking the other way).
Toward the end of the evening I made a bold offer. He asked if I wanted some more to drink, but I replied "I'd rather slurp up something else...nothing required from you".
I'd meant to further our intimacy, take advantage of the moood and take all pressure to perform off of him.
He said he'd take a RAIN CHECK ...which hasn't come about.
Okay, best post and catch up with some of you all.
My H's former FF (and temporary roommate during our sep--but no PA, probably EA early on) created this whole, incredible romance in her head for her and my H. It was so bad she even contradicted herself, fairly frequently. (I knew a lot of the stuff couldn't be true, since often times I was with my H or knew he was somewhere else.) I think she just wanted it to be true so badly, she couldn't believe that it wasn't.
Yeah, I think I may be around....gotta beat watching Cold Case Files, and L.A. County Coroner till 4 a.m.
I had a dream my pal H and I killed a guy the other night!
I've thought of all of you (you know who you are!) often. Now I'm gonna do some quick catch up.
Actually folks, it is SOOO interesting to be away for a while and then just read the last thread of a pal...at least the one I've read so far, PAM!...so many changes girl!
Later!
Shiny
P.S. Hi Navaro...oh my will we have stories to swap on the "fantasy life" thing....
Never met you but I have read your threads. They helped me so much. So I can say I have missed you to. As in I never got to meet the person who helped me understand what was going on with my husband. Well as much as a person can understand it without going through it themselves.
I for one am glad your back.
Later Friend. Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
)and took the opportunity to ask CJ about the elaborate lying.
...which hasn't come about.
