I have talked with her about this at one point in time she wanted to go. Now she feels that she doesn't have a problem. So she really doesn't want to go forcing the issue to go to counsling when she doesn't want to go is pretty much moot.
I thought it was kinda funny on saturday I had to put a new sink into our middle bathroom. By the way plumbing SUCKS. So while I am doing this my W is helping every now and again. I say to her so lets make love tonight. Me think that would be the perfect way to end the night of frustration. To my suprise my W said I think you deserve it so yeah we will. She thinks I deserver it you bet I do even if I wouldn't have replaced the sink I deserve IT. So finally get stuff done I tell her Im heading to bed about 1 am she says she will be up a little later and will wake me up. Well she never woke me up. Not that I was suprised becuase her promises in this area are not promises at all.
So now im going about a month without. The talking about it and my wants doesn't seem to be working so I have some very hard choices to make.
Lee: So go back to the bathroom, undo the fixtures and tell her that you'll put some energy into addressing the house plumbing when she puts some energy into addressing YOUR plumbing.
Ok so after the whole plumbing incident my W's friend has flown in from cali. Since this has happened I have seen a totally differenet person living in my house. It like she is putting on an act for her friend. She is all peaches and cream. Telling me that she loves me and giving me a kiss good night and getting on to instant messanger to just say hello. I really don't know what to think about this. I doubt that this is a change and the moment that her friend leaves my W will go back to her moody self. I hope she stays this way but I really can't expect it. I guess I should just enjoy it while its here.
Lee, my ex-W used to be like this, which does not bode well for your situation. She'll probably deny that she is acting any different. Are appearances very important to her? Does she rarely find blame in her own actions? If so, you might search for "narcissistic personality disorder" online and see if the shoe fits.
Also see if Passive Agressive tendancies fit her behaviors. Several spouses on this board do seem to fit the PA tendancies very closely as described in the literature.
Maybe instead of assuming that your W is acting because of her friend visiting, why not take it as she has changed. Assume the best instead of the worst. This way you will find it a little easier to be nicer with her and it might get the ball rolling towards an improvement in your over all marriage. Why not? Also, remember that positive reinforcement of a behavior you like does wonders. Reward her with an unexpected thank you or hug or flowers when she makes you happy. You could set the examples now for later. What I mean is that if she does "change back" after her friend leaves, she is more apt to recognize her behavioral difference if you attach it to something memorable such as flowers for a specific behavior. You could then start a convo with her going something like, "hey honey, I just wanted to say again, how wonderful it was last month when you -------. It made me feel closer to you and more in love. This is why I felt compelled to get you flowers because I knew how much you like flowers. Is there something I could be doing differently to make you feel a similar way?"
Well my Wifes friend left on Saturday to go home. On friday we all went out to a club to go dancing. It was fun for me my W said that it was just ok from her. My guess is becuase she didn't come out and dance becuase her friend doesn't dance. Anyway that night after the dancing and drinking and stuff we made love. And OH was I good. She even said so afterwards. So then on Saturday after her friend left she said that she wanted to do it again. When the time actually came she said she was just way to tired and I was good sport about it. I can sort of understand being to tired but not really. But I was sympathic<sp> that night I woke up and started stroking her while she slept and she go really charged up and we did it again. Im thinking to myself wow twice in 2 nights never thought that would happen. Being as it has been a month before that.
So not that it is tuesday she is slipping back to the way she was becoming distant and saying things like you got it twice you dont need it again. Or you are a lucky man you have had it twice in 3 days. I look at it kind of differently I have had it twice in a month. So I guess I will see what happens next.
What I can't believe is what sex will do for my emotional connection. On sunday I Felt so very close to her. Felt like Wow this could be really good. I think if we could get some of the frequency issues taken care of we could really get to the bottom of what is really going on in the Relationship.
Quote: What I can't believe is what sex will do for my emotional connection. On sunday I Felt so very close to her. Felt like Wow this could be really good.
That's been my experience exactly. We haven't talked about it at all, but I can't believe that she can't tell a difference. Even if she feels nothing, I can't believe that I feel so much better/different and she can't see any outward sign of that. Maybe that's why she's keeping up the once a week thing. I'm still hoping that we can increase it more, but compared to usual, this is heaven.
So not that it is tuesday she is slipping back to the way she was becoming distant and saying things like you got it twice you dont need it again.
Next time look for any signs of her denying partial responsibility.....ex.
G: "how do you know what I need? You not only saying that you don't want sex, but you are saying that it's my problem too...is that fair?" I would understand if you said that you 'didn't want any right now after being together 2 times in 3 days' because that would characterize this as your issue...not mine. I'm already in a position where I have to deal with NOT being with you...so why would you try to make it worse for me this way?"
just my 2c
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
