Hi Pam - It has been a bitter sweet weekend for me, enjoying the time with NG, but also knowing that I am begining to say goodbye. I have searched my soul, and find that I need so much more than NG is able to offer. Time and again, I have seen his resolve to do the right thing (in his words) crumble after a few emails and conversations with OW.
His drama promises to run for a while yet, and I find that I do not have the stomach for so much pain. I'm not planning to rush into anything, but know in my heart I've moved to a new place.
I feel sad, but also somewhat liberated. Let's see what this week brings. Slowly
This is the same issue that I'm dealing with with my W. During her trip up to visit she called the OM twice during one of the best dates we've ever had. She said it was to gloat over going to a sporting event, but when I found out it really hurt.
She read DB and after said she is not ready to throw in the towel. A lot of little steps.
The problem is that she will not end the EA with the OM. I guess I went outside the lines of DR/DB'ing and told her that although I can't stop her from continuing to have hime in her life, I can stop her from having me in her life. I told her that she is free to do whatever she wants, but I didn't think I could handle the choice to keep him in her life at any level.
I think the toughest part of this is when things start to go better and you see positive changes. All of the time that you've spent putting your emotions and needs on hold can really add up. Also, the focus so far has been on changing yourself, and doing whatever it takes to make things work out so you really feel like sprinting toward the light at the end of the tunnel after crawling for the past few months.
Hang in there, and remember to do what works. Just because things are progressing slowly, doesn't mean that they are stalled. Remember how far you've come, and all of the strength that you have that has gotten you this far. You should feel extremely proud of yourself for the commitment, dedication and discipline that has gotten you to this point.
Slowly, I haven't been around for awhile and I have caought up on your thread. It seems to me that your H wants you or QW to give him an ultimatum so he doesn't have to make the decision. He may keep up this charade as long as you and her allows him to. He doesn't want to hurt either one of you.
I can't give you any advice,but I fear if you give him an ultimatum he will run to her. Just some thoughts. Good luck.
I agree with others who have commented before I (Yaz, esp.). You have DB'ed. You have searched within and made the important changes that should let NG know who and what he will be missing. AND you have learned much about who you are and how you behave in relationship.
DB'ing does not mean, IMO, that you need violate your core beliefs. You have been patient with him. I only suggest that you take your time now, as well. I like the idea of taking a few days for yourself. Got any ideas for a detachment vacation?
Hang in there and give yourself the support you need to make whatever decision you choose to make. We will support your choice.
I feel I see my own situation more clearly as I peer into yours and others. This is what I see. I believe NG loves you and I wish he knew what prevented him from allowing the two of you to go deeper. That fear, whatever it may be, is, in my mind, the REAL OW.
I really know your path well and boy, it brings a lump to my throat. I hope you are able to mull this over for a few weeks to see how you're really feeling.
I know the hurt and pain are ever present, but go back and look at the positives you have written lately. They mark progress...
Hope your days are happier and filled with joy that only you can give yourself.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Slowly 
Betsey