Wow, I can feel your pain. I am still suspicious of my H and I actually trust that he is no longer talking to her....probably because she called off R, so I think she wont contact him anyways. Plus I think he is too embarrassed and hurt so he just wants to avoid her at all costs...but it still doesnt mean I dont get suspicious..it was my life for 6 mos!! Its a hard habit to break. Plus when I told him I was suspicious, he got upset and I think that might be part of the reason he is sleeping in the other room again. Why cant they understand that we also need some time to deal with what has been going on...its not like we just sat back and waited...we went thru a lot of pain. I try my hardest not to think about things that happened with them..that will be the only way for me to truly work on our marriage, and so I think you are doing a good thing by just putting it to rest..it will help you to deal with the here and now!! Good luck!! Im right here with ya!! Angie
I continue to try to stop thinking about if and when he may or may not call OW. H keeps his phone completely off limits now after catching me checking it. Probably more so he doesnt have to deal with me checking up on him. Things with us have been somewhat tense this week. We are both walking on eggshells and definitely not connected. Some of it has been our busy schedules with home and work, but some of it is there just is a tremendous amount of pressure since sat. I have been somewhat cool, not in a bad way, just not overly affectionate and I love yous but H clearly notices it. Last night he got in bed and hugged me and say " you need to know that I love you very much and I really want this to work". I know he meant it too. H left this morning for a 4 day trip to visit family. I am actually very glad. I think it lifts the lid somewhat off of what seems to be a hot pressure cooker the past week. I told him to enjoy himself and not worry about us. I plan to do somethings around the house this weekend and enjoy the time apart.
I havent posted since Sept but have been lurking often. H and I have been working on M and things have been getting better and better with a few backslides as a result of OW calling or H calling OW. A breif recap- H had EA which turned PA with a women he works with. It is a small office with 4 people. H never wanted D from the day he left and after 6 months came home to work on M. Took several months of alot of ups and downs and not sures. I am working on my thought processing on a daily basis now as opposed to what was an hourly basis. Our R is much more natural now and while nothing is ever for certain I beleive we are going to make it. Our boys age 17 and 10 seem so much happier now. I didnt realize how much this marriage was lacking over the last few years and how we were both on automatic pilot. While I would never wish a separation or A on any couple I do know that the short term break of our M made us both realize how much we want to be married. I still struggle with the fact he works with the OW but I have decided if he wanted to cheat with her it wouldnt matter if they worked together or not. His job and career has finally progressed to a point he is happy and if I was to force him to leave he would only resent it. This past weekend was the company Christmas Party and two weeks ago that was a point of stress for both of us. H procrastinated telling me about it and mentioned it in passing. I calmly asked if "WE" were going. He knew there was no other option. He said wont that be uncomfortable and I said perhaps but we would have to face it eventually. Not the answer he wanted to hear although he knew I would never live with him going without me. OW is single. Come to find out they (H and OW) had discussed it when invite came and she said she would not go if we went. So I said what is the problem. Well you see my H is a very kind and passionate man and only human. I think he felt very bad OW wasnt going. I of course could care less but bit my tongue on this one. Anyway after several tense days I decided to drop the subject and since were going I was not going to talk about it etc etc. As the day of the event came closer H started talking more about it and being relaxed. We went and had a great time. I made sure I looked so fantastic that the next day I would surely be mentioned. I have know idea if it was talked about in the office but I am confident the party was discussed before and after. Although this may have been uncomfortable for H I really dont care and certainly hope OW felt bad. It gives me a tiny bit of satisfaction for all I have had to deal with. Couple and group pictures were taken at the event and I cant wait for them to be circulated to the different offices. I told H I had fun and acted as if there was not an issue with the work situation. I decided as long as H is showing me the committment and things are good here then I have to stop thinking and worrying about it and move on and live as if everything is going to be ok. I think everyday he leaves that office and comes home to me. Sure he probably still has some feelings for her and they would probably fade alot faster if he didnt work with her but it is what it is and I am dealing with it. So with lots of hard work,patience and continuation of both I think we are going to make it. The DB'ing most definetly works. I was fortunate and one year later seem to be on a better path.
Hi KMFLA - Its wonderful to read your update, yet another testimony to the fact that the process works I'd love to be a fly on the wall when the Xmas photos are circulated
One of the things NG discovered a couple of weeks ago was how in the past 5 months of contact with ow, she had been stringing him along about how devastated she would be etc when all the time she had already started another relationship. NG now sees that if ow respected his desire to work things with me, she would have bowed out gracefully. KFMLA, your H too will see one day that if ow respected his desire to reconcile with you, she will remove herself from the scene. Or for that matter, maybe H will decide himself that he needs a change of scenery.
I am SOOOOOO glad you put yourself and went to the party. Indeed, if she had wanted to be comfortable at company parties she should never have messed around with someone from the workplace. (Not that she is responsible for your h's straying but it may help her know that married men should be off-limits to her in the future.
great to hear from you. You must know how much we thirst for every refreshing drop a successful db'er can share with us. Thanks for coming around.
Thanks guys for your continued support. Christmas party pictures havent been circulated yet but I am waiting. Things are great . In fact H has been working very late this past week on projects and has has so gone out of his way to call me from the office and have phone conversations in front of me so that it is obvious to me he is working and being honest with me. When this whole mess started just about a year ago H was always "working". So his going out of his way to make sure I can see he really is working is huge for me. When we started MC and reconciling I remember him saying he was NOT going to report to me his where abouts like a teenager. Well now he is doing it because HE WANTS TO and that in itself is proof he loves me. I havent asked him once to call or questioned him, I have been acting "as if". Although I do have "twinges" when he goes out" but they are getting less and less. I have thanked him for calling when he does. My Christmas present this year is truly husbands committment to work on this marriage. I will keep you posted on the Christmas Party pictures.
I wanted to share some thoughts. As my earlier post says things are going well. I am traveling today and in Chicago for two days. I called my H at work about lunch time today and the "was out to lunch". Called him on his cell and no answer (unusual lately for him not to answer). Well then there goes my mind. I start to wonder, think, that H is out with OW for lunch knowing I am out of town and no chance to run into him etc etc. Before you know it I am panicking and running through the 8 months we were apart and all the lies etc etc. Then 20 minutes later my cell phone has a message. H says sorry I missed your call, I am at the mall, carrying all kinds of packages and didnt hear the phone... I call him back and had a great conversation. No question he was doing what he said he was doing ( I can always tell with H is not truthful)... so for 20 minutes I put myself through hell for nothing...Have to keep DB'ing so I learn not to do that... just goes to show even though things are good and we are moving in the right direction its definitely a "work in progress" thing.
Stopped by reading and found ur post. I too received great news of my WAW wanting me back after 5 months of S. You may have read my thread How can She win me back. She too had an PA with a man 17 years her senior and she is only 38....made me sick when I found out.She never want a D either but the OM kept on and kept on. When I started detaching and went dark is when she realized her loss in life thru me. Begged and pleaded me! Well I too have to say I underdstand your "imaging" can get the best of us especially when ML. That was hard at first, still is at times, but gets less and less! I see a change in mine like OMG who is this new woman! I have to remember tho its only a "honeymoon" stage for her!
We start C in the new year, but Im so happy to have her back! This by far is my greatest xmas present this man could have ever recieved! Keep DB'ng....you'll be fine! Merry Xmas!
