Great post, SuperDave. I need to get to the point with my W that, instead of saying that I want to ML with her, saying, "I want to ML with you, at a minimum, once a week."
Geoff, I came off as a bit of an a-hole, but I was trying to make a point. I think the other people who have posted after me helped with that point: mental castration, although a fairly common reaction, simply does not work.
gc First impressions are lasting and you caught hairdog on a bad day but you will soon come to realize that he is a top man who's struggling just as you are with an ND/LD wife and is bound to have off days. As you get to know him you will find that he will cheer you up and keep you motivated with his stories and witty comments. I love the guy. hd I feel that the fog has lifted for me and I am now finding it easier to manipulate my W by my actions. I can see now that I was so needy and available that she had no reason to give me anything. In the book "His Needs Her Needs" it claims that all men crave sex and all women crave attention which I thought was rubbish as mine certainly does not crave attention. However, take away the abundance of attention you give her and low and behold she starts to seek it from you! For example. Whenever W leaves the house in the morning I rush to see her off and give her a wave and blow her a kiss (yuk). She rarely does the same for me. I am always disappointed when she doesn't and elated when she does. I have started to cut this dreadfully needy behaviour down. I know that she will look to the house as she drives off because she has done so for years and years and my guess is that when she sees that I am not there waving and blowing dutiful kisses she will be slightly disappointed or uneasy. When you add together the cumulative effect of depriving her of all of the other routine and unappreciated shows of affection I am pretty sure that will create a demand in her mind for affection which I am more than willing to satisfy at bedtime. A scenario you will relate to. Imagine you have a boxer that loves you so much that she is constantly licking you and coming to you for attention. You love her but it is just too much so you shoo her away sometimes and certainly do not seek her out to fuss over - there's no need she is always there. Now imagine if that dog stops giving you so much attention. You are going to be concerned about her and you will seek her out to try to win her back. See what I mean? SD - quite enjoying life at the moment.
I love you, too, SD. Let's hug! I totally follow you on the "attention" issue. Every day, before I head downstairs and out the door, I kiss my sleepy wife, tell her I love her, and say goodbye. On the rare morning when I am SOOOO pissed off that I don't want to come anywhere close to her (without a defensive weapon in hand), and fail to say goodbye, she calls me as I am driving away and berates me for purposefully avoiding this, intending to hurt her, etc.
I have definitely lessened the amount of attention/availability I have given her over the last few months. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to have much of an effect. Maybe it will eventually.
Hairdog - who's glad that SD is having successes, but who misses his ol' daily update. Happy Independence Day, you ex-colonizer.
Quote hd: "Hairdog - who's glad that SD is having successes, but who misses his ol' daily update." I'll be back at the first sniff of failure to have a jolly good vent! SD - watching fellow ex-coloniser Tim Henman struggling at Wimbledon
I totally follow you on the "attention" issue. Every day, before I head downstairs and out the door, I kiss my sleepy wife, tell her I love her, and say goodbye. On the rare morning when I am SOOOO pissed off that I don't want to come anywhere close to her (without a defensive weapon in hand), and fail to say goodbye, she calls me as I am driving away and berates me for purposefully avoiding this, intending to hurt her, etc. 