Hey Pen - This sounds like terrific distraction from my continuing apathy about my sitch
Quote: I accept any reasonable explanation, except a) “because of the children” or b) "because of the great marriage we had in the past." I want to know why you as you are today want them as they are today to come home.
Because through this difficulty, he has done almost everything possible to cherish me (he famously declared he will do ANYTHING for me, except walk away from OW before his feelings died naturally ) i honestly don't think i'll be loved like this (and am too much of a chicken to try find out)
Because I've gotten to know him in a different way these past few months, and in strangely, perversely, his errors/weaknesses make me love him more - I'm fascinated by this more complex human
Shallow point, because he tickles my fancy
Equally shallow point, because his fancy is mightily tickled by me
Because I know this devil. I'm not feeling energetic enough to learn a new one. we find the same things funny, can communicate without words, have compatible likes and dislikes, basically, we enjoy the intimacy of simple day to day life together
Oh dear, he's been gone on his business trip just one day and I miss him already. Slowly
Quote: So here’s my challenge for today: list any number of reasons why you want your WA back, as they are today. ... I want to know why you as you are today want them as they are today to come home.
Gee, I wish W would walk away already so I could answer this. I might actually enjoy being away from her too, so maybe I wouldn't want W to come home. I suspect that my W has already walked away in her mind anyway.
Do I sound bitter? I'm sorry, my mind is not right at the moment. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
No one should be expected, nor asked, to put their sex life on line here. This is not what the BB is all about.
If you have questions like this, there is a forum on the board here called, The Sex Starved Marriage. That forum may be the closest to get info. Otherwise, I suggest buying a few books that may help you get ideas of how to satisfy yourself.
Oh, and Betsey rarely posts in SSM, so you won't get the answers from her there either.
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
I really don't want my W the way she is now. I want her the way she was when we first started dating and the way she was before she became unhappy in the M. The thing that I want changed is me. I have done and am doing that.
If I had her like she was and the new me I'm sure we would both be happy. That is why I don't have any hope, because she may never love me like she did then.
I also know with my vunerablilty now that I would take her back and be the new me in hopes she would love me again. I would galdly take the chance of going thru this pain again just to prove to her how much I love her. Only a few of you that have been following my thread know how much I have struggled.
Short answers: 1) The intense love I have for her. 2) I'm a glutton for punishment. 3) I want to prove my love to her. 4) I want to atone for my mistakes. 5) I want her to feel loved. 6) I want to ML to her again. 7) The thing I want most is for her to be happy with or without me.
I think all your reasons are excellent, but this one
Quote: Because I've gotten to know him in a different way these past few months, and in strangely, perversely, his errors/weaknesses make me love him more - I'm fascinated by this more complex human
actually brought tears to my eyes. Your husband is a very, very lucky man.
I have a good feeling about your sitch. You'll prevail.
I think your list is wonderful, too, and I can only hope that things will turn around for you. But even if your wife never comes back there’s happiness in your future. For a person with so much love to give, it couldn’t be otherwise.
Oh what a bummer. I didn't know Betsey didn't post in SSM. I read this thread and had a big revelation and was contemplating posting it on my thread but I wanted her to see it. (I am the wife of a SSM and post my piecing story there..)
Well, Betsey, just know that you are helping tons of people by posting your own journey..you have kick started many thoughts for me and that has helped the fog clear considerably.
I wish my wife would read this thread and start to feel something, anything, when it comes to me. She is great at avoidance. I suppose I am too. Hmmmm, maybe that's why we are where we are.
Yes, Pen. He's turned his life upside down. He'd be the first to tell you that if he were here, I suspect. Your question is one I've asked a lot of myself. I'm asking it now.
H and my C have both asked me the same thing. I actually answered it somewhat on my threads a while back, so I won't take up more space with it.
I think it's an excellent question, and one that we need to keep asking as we go forward because the answers do change somewhat as we grow and according to what behaviors we are repeatedly experiencing.
Slowly
