Quote: Question: Does anyone think $250 is a lot to spend on a comforter for our bed? I'd more than likely keep it forever. I've never spent that much, but the one I have picked out...I LOVE IT!!!
Pretty sure I spent about the same on ours I've had it for almost 7 years now and I've never regretted spending the money.
Well I've got a lot of yes votes for the comforter. I'm just so cheap/frugal I can ALWAYS talk myself out of buying something.
I like to window shop and I actually shop best when I'm by myself. If I'm with another person, I don't really shop much and the other person is usually mad becuase they ended up buying and I didn't. OH well.
No contact with H today. There was a message on the answering machine when I got home today from the bank saying they needed more info for the boat loan that we were closing on this afternoon? I was thinking about that earlier today, if H is getting a loan then I'm sure I have to sign, too. H never said a word to me nor indicated that I was going to be needed to sign off on the loan.
I guess I shouldn't be too surprised either. When he got the last loan, just ASSumed I'd make the time to be at the bank. I did leave him a vm shortly afterwards passing on the message.
So no contact with H, have no idea where he is right now. H does have to work tomorrow so he could be anywhere. H hasn't been to the bar since last Saturday night.
S is watching spongebob, I'll just hang out on the puter tonight. Will order my comforter and then look at blinds for our bedroom. I'm also looking at log headboards, going to use the cabin/lodge theme throughout the house, the lower level is there already.
I've had a hard time decorating since we moved into this house over five years ago. The cabin/lodge look is the most appealing at this point and feels right. I know it will make H a lot more comfortable. My brother has one room in his house that he can dedicate to his hunting things, a man I work with has his one room. My friend P has a huge vaulted living room, the upper portion is dedicated to her H's hunting things and the lower portion is her stuff, but the house is themed along the cabin/lodge look. I think you can intermix masculine/feminine and I will work on it...gives me a little project.
I think I've been resisting the theme and not sure why, maybe becuase I think it should be more womanly/femine just because that's what you see in homes these days. Becuase our house isn't a log home so why would I want to decorate it that way? I think it's more "other people's" opininions and views, but hey I'm the one living here and I should be able to decorate however I want to. I sometimes have to remember that this is my life and that other people can comment, have opinions but I shouldn't let those comments/opinions be mine. AND why have I been thinking like that so long...I feel the winds of change blowing.
Well gotta go, S4 is begging me to put up his new spiderman poster. We also have a spiderman hat that we just bought tonight and a gun that S found at Gander.
Cathy, Thought I'd take a stab at your spending issue. First off, you sound like you are dealing with the same type of "spender"as me.
Buy the comforter! If you can afford it and have looked at it repeatedly, you won't regret it. I finally bought a couch and love seat after having looked at it for over a year. You probably never spend money on yourself.
About the boat! About a year before the "bomb' was dropped, a banker came walking into our office. H and I worked together then. I was asked to come into the next room to sign papers. H had arranged to buy a piece of property. I knew nothing about it. I balked !! The two of them ganged up. It was a great opportunity!! It was worth more than the price! Blah, blah, blah,....
I signed, after H told me we could afford it b/c he had money from stock from his mother. I had told H before I signed we couldn't possibly afford another payment.
Seven years later, it didn't turn out well. I won't go into it. But I was the one (since H hasn't worked ) who had to make payments.
Over the years of marriage, H has always wanted something. It was up to me to show him why he couldn't have the more expensive items. It doesn't work when you have more money going out than coming in.
I realize now , today, that it isn't that I don't like to shop. I am just afraid to give myself permission to spend money on me. I have no problem buying for the kids or H.
Give yourself that permission! Enjoy that comforter.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
I hope you don't mind that I refer to you that way. I have a cyber friend P and this is how I refer to her. Her H and my H go way back and P's H is similar to my H. IN FACT, P's H purchased a Harley and they were picking the Harley up yesterday..these men!! My friend P isn't all that excited, worried he's going to be giving OW rides when she's not around. Her H is very much in MLC..woman, drinking, some drugs and porn...yup it's an epidemic.
H did buy the bass boat, it's a nice looking boat, red and white Ranger. Showed up here right after I was on the BB last night. He was smiling ear to ear! I must admit he was thinking when he bought it, he was able to buy it for what the guy still had in the loan and when he does sell it will be able to get what he paid for it if not more. The guy he bought it from only used once or twice, selling it becuase he doesn't use it and bought it becuase of a girl in the first place H took out the loan in his own name, I asked him when he showed up here. So IT'S H's bass boat.
Quote: I realize now , today, that it isn't that I don't like to shop. I am just afraid to give myself permission to spend money on me. I have no problem buying for the kids or H.
We are related then I do think long and hard before making major purchases and don't let H know either. When I let him in on whatever it is, we end up paying MORE than I would have on my own. It's not really that I CAN afford it, but I'm tired of not buying or thinking of ME. I'm more frugal and do keep an eye on my finances and what I need/don't really need. Once I'm at my personal limit, I then go into idle and get caught up again.
My H's job is based on construction and thankfully he has been steadily employed since I met him--12 years ago yesterday! And I actually met him while he was working next to the office I worked in. A friend of his on the job stopped me one morning and asked if I wanted to the meet the guy in the crane? Thought about it most of the day and thought why not, I know where he works if he tries anything. Okay I was a little paranoid.
Anyway, H has been layed off here and there. Can't stand the company he works for, but they do keep him working. I think he's finally realizing this, at least I hope he does. H has job and a good paying one at that. It's more than a lot of people have. But, I guit preaching to H long ago and just agree with whatever it is he's unhappy about and let him vent...seems to work. My H is great at his job and is well respected by all his co-workers. Well as far as his ability to run a crane.
There is no way I'm going to control his spending at this point, it's something he's going to have to do on his own. H is still searching for his happiness in things rather than just being, so he has to do this. I think the bassboat vs. divorce or the bassboat or D..the bassboat right now is the better pick.
I have to relax about the $$ thing and not get on H at all about it. We're still not totally stable in this R, there's still MLC, there's still lots of work to be done on both of our parts. I have to believe that if $$ become a problem it will be at the point when H comes to realize that there are more important things in life than "things" I know he doesn't like being in debt, but feels like he can't control it. So time will tell.
How are things going? I hope you are having a pleasant week so far.
My trip up north with the kids went well, so now I am home and able to catch up with everyone.
I hope you go and get your new comforter. Two summers ago we bought a Select Comfort bed and didn't have a bedspread for it. Shortly before H moved out last summer, I went and bought a gorgeous comforter, shams and bed skirt (close to $400 but had 20% off coupon). It was more than I spend on anything but well worth it.
After H moved out I painted the bedroom, got new curtains and candles. Turned it into a regular boudair - my haven. And it is not girly - just comfortable. Do the same for yourself, I highly recommend it.
Are you enjoying the sun - even though it is cool out? Quick! Get in some golf before it starts raining again! LOL!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I've been meaning to post since yesterday, but can't get my thoughts together and in some ways feel like it's the same old stuff over and over, yet it's really not.
Father's Day was spent a ML baseball game (border game with Totite ).
H did get his new bass boat! H, SS and S went fishing Saturday evening. I was going to go hit some golf balls and was getting read to leave and H called me over to the boat and said "are you mad that you can't go with us?" I said no, there will be other times. H's truck holds three people, oh sure I could have drove to the dock and met them there, but three people in the boat is also too many.
So they get back we have dinner. SS is trying to get answer out of H as to what's he's doing on Father's Day. H talked about taking the boat here and there, hemmed and hawed, SS was still hanging around and ended up staying over night. H didn't seem to enthused about setting his alarm as he'd been getting before 5 am most of the week. Now when H has a boat, a boat that he really likes, he'd be out in it in a minute, but for some reason was holding back Saturday night as to what he was doing on Sunday.
At one point I told H it was his decision to make what he wanted to do and that S20 was waiting as it would have determined his plans for Sunday--meaning did he stay over night or go back to apartment and end up drinking all night. At one point H asked why he had to decide? H was struggling.
So we get up Sunday morning, late for us, had to even wake S4 up..everyone was beat. S20 had just got back from a Canada fishing trip at 4 am Saturday morning.
H still didn't know what he was doing, I knew in the back of my mind that I was going to use the tickets either way. If H went fishing it would have been him and S20. Didn't say a word either, kept quiet. In the past I would have said something like "if you're not going with us to the game, if you're fishing or whatever then I'll get my parents or whoever" and then H would be off fishing. I would have made the decision for him, but didn't do that on Sunday!
When S4 woke up he came out and gave his dad a big hug, said Happy Father's Day. H then asked S4 what HE wanted to do and S4 said go the baseball game. So H said we'll go to the game. SS20 couldn't come with us he works Sunday evenings on a farm and we wouldn't have been back in time. H gave up his boating time to spend Father's Day with his family..bonus!!
We did think we'd be back in time for H to go out in his boat, at least for a few hours. Due to heavy traffic that didn't work out. Driving down we were stuck at an accident for a bit and traffic was heavy, lines were long to get into the game and traffic was bad getting out of the park. You get in those car lines and it's everybody for themselves! No one wants to lose their spot in line not let anyone either! At one point H said "now I know what I don't go to these things." Which was a big sign to me, one I'd never paid attention to in the past. It's not that H doesn't like doing this type of thing, H doesn't like the traffic, etc. Which I can completely understand!
Things were a little tense in the traffic with H, he thinks he has to tell me how to drive. Was thinking back to when S and I went to a game last summer and how we had such a good time. No stress for me, traffic wasn't as bad and the park wasn't as crowded and we left early. My thought was to leave early from the game on Sunday, but didn't want to suggest it to H, was going to let him decide and we stayed for the whole game. If we are at a sporting event H does like to stay for the whole game where I'll leave a bit early just to beat the traffic. Didn't say a word either way.
When H is stressed it kind of makes me stressed, but tried my hardest on Sunday to fight those feelings as they WERE H's feelings, not mine. Traffic WAS bad, but there was nothing we could do about it or the accident.
Yesterday morning was a struggle, I don't know if it's just Monday morning or what, but my thoughts were all over, couldn't think straight, started thinking like I did way back prebomb about some financial concerns. And you know my first thought was "I want out, I can't do this" WHAT THE!? where did that come from?? Was just struggling with things most of the morning, by midafternoon I was doing better.
By the time I was home after work things were looking and feeling a lot better. Hadn't talked to H all day yesterday, it was raining so assumed he was rained out. BUT, he spent the day with his new boat and the other boat that we purchased two months ago> Took that boat to get fixed and then took his new boat out to put some miles on the motor. This boat might not be such a bad idea...
S4 had Tball so we did that. I get a call from H right as the game is finishing up. H was asking how S was doing and then asked if we wanted a ride in the boat. I said not tonight it's getting late. Then H said what about tomorrow night, so I think we'll go for a ride tonight. H got home right before dark, I helped him park it and H talked to me about a problem with the trailer...like a freind.
I talked to him this morning right away, what a bear!! He was growling about this and that, I just remained calmed and finally H said "man I'm tired" which was why his mood was growly. Eventually he relaxed and was my personable by the end of our conversation!
So yippee!! I don't know what's happening here, but as my friend Holdingon suggested in our chat last night...just go with the flow.
H is still being secretive about his whereabouts for the most part, but is starting to share more with me. It's not that he's really doing anything that I shouldn't know about it, it's just that he doesn't want me asking him? There were a few questions directed at him to which he either didn't reply. And Saturday night when he had already told S4 they were going fishing and H was taking his poles to his boat that I asked H if wanted some snacks to take and H said "what makes you think I'm even going?" WHAT THE!?? I'm not stupid, I can see plans are being made to go, it was very obvious they were going.....I laugh now when I think about it.
Nope, this doesn't sound like more of the same. It sounds as if H is more comfortable with himself, with you, with his family.....
Quote: When H is stressed it kind of makes me stressed, but tried my hardest on Sunday to fight those feelings as they WERE H's feelings, not mine. Traffic WAS bad, but there was nothing we could do about it or the accident.
....and YOU are doing great! I think this is a huge realization....perhaps because it's something I still struggle a bit with sometimes...but you're handling it like a pro!
Quote:
I talked to him this morning right away, what a bear!! He was growling about this and that, I just remained calmed and finally H said "man I'm tired" which was why his mood was growly. Eventually he relaxed and was my personable by the end of our conversation!
So yippee!! I don't know what's happening here, but as my friend Holdingon suggested in our chat last night...just go with the flow.
How was the game? Outdoors! Or did they close it up midway through the game?
I am taking the kids to see the Brew Crew on Friday - here of course. My H has a softball game too and they are short guys so he won't be going with us. I have ten tix to the game so am inviting some friends to go with us.
Have a great week!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I was thinking about that earlier today, if H is getting a loan then I'm sure I have to sign, too. H never said a word to me nor indicated that I was going to be needed to sign off on the loan. 
H took out the loan in his own name, I asked him when he showed up here. So IT'S H's bass boat.
I do think long and hard before making major purchases and don't let H know either. When I let him in on whatever it is, we end up paying MORE than I would have on my own. It's not really that I CAN afford it, but I'm tired of not buying or thinking of ME. I'm more frugal and do keep an eye on my finances and what I need/don't really need. Once I'm at my personal limit, I then go into idle and get caught up again. 
he works Sunday evenings on a farm and we wouldn't have been back in time. H gave up his boating time to spend Father's Day with his family..bonus!!