so today after opening an email to h from a customer I find myself wondering if in h's line of work I will ever trust him.
I know it makes no real difference what line of work a person is in whether or not they will remail faithful to their spouse but it would appear to be true that some lead more toward it than others.
Since h's a was with a customer and he has "freedom" do come and go as he pleases during the day (he is after all the boss no ones going to question his wearabouts. The homes he works at during the day are also full of lonely sahms who can be his little chearleader just like ow.
I know that h's fidelity is not my responsibility nor something I should focus on but wonder...if I don't trust h (well I do but in the back of my head there is a voice that says...IF he ever does it again, take him for all he's got and get on with your life you know you can) then how can I have a good m with him?
LL, I think that in the back of all of our heads we may wonder if we can ever trust them again. Maybe let it be a good thing so it can motivate you guys both to not take your M for granted. Maybe he needs to wonder if LL will always be here?
Is thgat voice getting quiter and quiter as time goes on?
Quote: LL, I think that in the back of all of our heads we may wonder if we can ever trust them again. then what's the point? And I would imagine that those who have spouses who are ACTIVELY working toward a better m don't ponder the isse half as much. Maybe let it be a good thing so it can motivate you guys both to not take your M for granted. I don't see how my lack of trust in h motivates him in anyway and it sure does little to motivate me. since after all I have no control over it. Maybe he needs to wonder if LL will always be here? doesn't matter to him...he's mr confidence, mr "go find someone better" mr. "you don't know how good you've got it"
Is thgat voice getting quiter and quiter as time goes on? it's not necessarily gettine quieter it's simply getting more confident so it doesn't have to scream at me so much..the confidence being that if/when a time comes that a reason for mistrust is brought to the table I will be confident enough not to waist my time reading books about how it was my fault to begin with and what I can do to win back a lying cheating person who just expects me to be happy no matter what he does or doesn't do for the r.
The simple fact remains that no matter what this m gets put on hold over and over again.
put on hold in that it is expected (by h) that the m with survive and thrive whilst h puts all of his time and energy into his business for months at a time leaving little if nothing for us.
resentment builds when time is not made.
It is not that I don't love h, it is not that I don't like h, it is not that we can conversate and enjoy eachothers company...it is that we don't share awake, alert converstaion (and not just..did you pick up the new lock etc) often enough...it's a catch as catch can type of thing. All I have wanted is set asside weekly time that is for us and h has been unwilling to give it no matter what I do.
Is our m not worth one night a week?
am I not worth one night a week?
(you can bash me for the next statment) If h was able to take time out of his day to have lunch with ow why is it that he can't call me to come down and meet him for lunch once a week?
I just wish that h knew how lost I feel. It seems no matter how I try or don't try to express myself I get nowhere.
Tongight h and I did spend about 10 min sitting on the front porch...I wasn't invited but joined him anyway...it was nice...him talking...of course when it came time for my talking he went inside so I had to talk through the screen. I don't ask for much if we made a habit out of sitting for 10-15 min one or two nights a week maybe that would be enough to stay connected but h can't/wont give it...it's always just a fly by...maybe it'll happen maybe it wont...I don't recall the last time we actually sat and chatted and I don't know when it will happen again.
LL who should clarify the mis spell in the thread title...it should read "trust, what's love got to do with it?"
been reading this thread over in the ssm forum caoi by corri and realize it makes a whole lot of sense to me...trouble is I find that more often than not the ball just sits on h's side of the court and more and more of them just pile up while occassionally he attempts to throw one back but usually just hits the net.
I so empathize with you. I struggle everyday wondering if my H will ever be worthy of my trust. He admits he hasn't done much to show me that I should trust him.
I hear and read some stories about how great someone's 2nd M ended up and I can't help but wonder if that is the path I am meant to travel.
It's the unknown and us LBS waiting and trying to be patient that is very tiring!!
What would happen if you arranged for a sitter, booked a table for two in a great restaurant, movie theatre seats, whatever, and surpised H with this night out arrangement? Could you try it?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Quote: It's the unknown and us LBS waiting and trying to be patient that is very tiring!!
Nik,
everything is an unknown...you never know from day to day how you will feel, if it will rain, if you will still have a job, a home, your health etc. so life in general is very tiring if you spend it waiting for a garuntee.
What would happen if you arranged for a sitter, booked a table for two in a great restaurant, movie theatre seats, whatever, and surpised H with this night out arrangement? Could you try it?
Livnlearn
hi lvnlrn,
I could try it but this time of year it may only serve to build more resentment in me. I have cooked nice dinners with h in mind only to have him arrive home several hours after the kids and I have already eaten...so actually getting a sitter and making reservations might get ME out of the house but there's no way of knowing when HE would get home to join me...and of course making the arraingments would serve to add more stress to his schedule since after all he can't even manage a date night at home.
great idea though and if he had a more predictable schedule it might work.
LL 
