Quote: Sometime when I feel ready, I'll need to dwell on the man NG has become, and whether I actually like this person. But this too could be a transitional stage, so I guess any analysis now may be premature Patience, patience, patience
Yes Yes Yes.... You have worked so carefully and been so present in bringing your H around. It really would be premature to go in a direction that has you examine, parse and evaluate whether or not you even like him.
Oh, I believe we understand JUST how it has happened that you might even question whether or not you even like NG. But there are better questions you may consider asking yourself that may help you get closer to rediscovering that man you once loved.
Slowly, it is scary to get closer and closer to what you have hoped might return. Victory may not be everything you had imagined it might be. He may not be GRATEFUL enough that you hung in there. You may also be more than a little afraid that you might ever be able to trust him again.
SO. The question is, are you now looking for ways to distance yourself so that you do not get hurt again? How can you be both strong and vulnerable (open to) NG and the process so that you may again discover HOW to like him again?
I don't think so. Most here focus around the mystery that is to bring about a twang of jealousy to try to draw the WAS back, but there is a whole other aspect of mystery ... the kind directed in just keeping the R "fresh".
After a while we get to know one another thru our daily routine and habits. We come to expect certain action and behaviors from one another ... we come predictable. When something/someone becomes predicatble, there is a loss of excitement, surprise and with that their partner starts to pay less attention. Over time the lack of attention can be construed as a loss of interest and a sense of drifting apart.
So the task becomes how to be mysterious to keep their attention on you ... to keep their interest in us strong. Well for starters, the 180 to being predictable is not to be ... be more impulsive, spontaneous ... do things you normally wouldn't do ... do something different without giving them a reason for it. Each time you do something different they tend to take notice right away and their reflex is to have thoughts of wondering why. You have managed to peak their interest ... you have captured their attention.
It doesn't have to be something big, but rather changing up the small things. For example, do you tend to wear sweats ... t-shirts while hanging around the house. How about dressing up a bit more occasionally. Put on a little make up and then go about doing the chores. H may start to wonder if you're coming or going. If he asks, just be vague in your response, don't give any details ... "I just felt like wearing something different."
... or maybe just trying a different hair style or different perfumes.
For me, one of the things that worked to peak her interest was to broaden my tastes in food. Trying new and different things. Picking up stuff in the market we hadn't before. Trying new recipes or new seasonings for the same venues at home. Selecting something I never had before on the menu at a restaurant.
How long has the furniture been in there present position? Years? Maybe change it around a bit just to be different.
Slowly, you've been doing a wonderful job of making H feel safe and comfortable around you despite struggling with residual contact with OW, but to help keep you distracted from focusing on that aspect, think about creative ways of doing the little things differently than he would expect you to for no apparent reason and you will create the mystery that gets more of his attention.
Good day Slowly, When I posted that I didn't realize you had a new thread. I was wondering if you were going to see it. I was about to copy it over here too.
Re: Journey's Rest ... This a looong journey. So a breather at the milestone or even a longer period of rest at the inn is needed every now and again. For me, I've found posting to my thread keeps my sitch more in the forefront of my mind and sometimes I need to just stop thinking about it so much ... and lately, I've been thinking about it waaay too much ... So no thread for me for a while ... as I'm taking a break too.
Hi KAW - I'm glad you found my new, more restful home
Well, NG and I managed to organise work so we are both able to travel this week together. Just sitting here in a lovely hotel room, snatching posts while he is busy I'm of course more relaxed as we are MILES away from OW
I don't know if what I'm doing is technically what seems to be referred to as dropping the rope, but just lately, I've been feeling that I try too hard. Just needed a break, could be summer in the air
I like the idea of small chances to keep him guessing, I suppose after all this time, I did forget that it is the little things that create the butterfly effect. Right now, he seems to be utterly shocked that I'm not solving problems any more, whatever he does is fine. This should keep him guessing for the rest of the week.
That should do for now. I really am quite chilled out, sometimes I am amazed at myself. LOL. Slowly.
June 14th Libra. If you are hungry, can you take away the pang by remembering some delicious meal that you ate last month? If you are tired, will it do you any good to read a book about sleep? Our most important, basic needs can only be met in a very particular, direct way. It is strange though, how our more sophisticated cravings can be seemingly satisfied through a series of abstract ideas. If you can talk yourself into feeling better about something, then the chances are you don't feel that bad in the first place. This week, you can't ignore the feelings that require you to take action.
NG is a scorpio - mucho sensitive. 