Quote: I also think that X is behaving 'intimately' with you in the guy way: guys often feel that intimacy is DOING things together, and talking on the phone is a biggie guy intimacy thing. (Weird, but true.) So, even tho WE actually know what true intimacy is ....
I have been quite puzzled by NG's constant reference to the fact that OW 'understands' he has moved on because he and I are doing things together. I just did not get it - how us doing ho-hum daily stuff together can be a signal to her. OK, now I see the light, for NG this is the deal. Of course, OW is still not getting the message, but hey, that's not my problem
Quote: I saw something similar on MAL's thread, about how these guys don't like dogs, but with OW, well they love them. OK, I'll resist the obvious female dog reference
Hi Slowly
Yes, it is strange, isn't it?
My H said to me, more than once, years ago, that he hated kissing women who smoked, it was like kissing an ashtray.
So post bomb, he has taken up pipe smoking, both OW are heavy smokers, H smokes a lot (to my mind), he has BAD BREATH which you can smell across a room.....
One of my 180s is not to mention all of this to him.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
We just got back home, it was a longish flight but OK as far as flights go. Good to be back home
However, I got thinking about one of my posts yesterday, and realise that I actually felt ANGER towards OW - where did this come from? From the very begining, I have been telling myself that this affair is no one's evil design, things have happened and now it is up to us all to deal with the fall out as best we can. But the anger was quite palpable, still is.
I've been keeping such a tight lid on my less attractive emotions, and I think they are breaking free now. I've not even explored the path to forgiveness, because in my mind, the relationship continues, albeit in a muct muted form, so I don't even know what to forgive.
Guys, I'm a mess. Goung to try to catch some shut eye. See you later. Slowly.
This is a big revelation. And it has been evident that you have been feeling some anger....as well as expected. I believe that there have been lots of other piecing stories that chronicle the anger JUST as things are getting better.
DB is such an act of self (denial) control... we are constantly sitting on our emotions in order to bring about change that moves them closer. We are so focused on getting them back, that we ignore our feelings.
I guess when and if we are lucky enough to be in your position, the thing to remember would be that our lives have become a pressure cookers... take the lid off slowly, Slowly!
It doesn't help that we all WISH we were in your shoes...because...your shoes are rubbing you the wrong way right now. So.
Take your time and focus on yourself a bit. Pamper yourself and see if you can identify some ways to release your anger ...not let it loose...but let it go. Not easy. Not sure if I could.
And DO read those other success stories because you are passing some similar emotional backwash many of them felt while on their way back to very strong and loving new relationships with their spouses.
Hi Maya - Thanks for the wonderfully timely feedback I'm getting a little scared of my own feelings now.
Well, one of the things waiting for us when we came back is my delivery from Amazon - a book titled Surviving Betrayal - 365 daily meditations by Alice May. Before I could look at it, NG took off with it. I never know what to expect with him.
Well, we are off to see a concert tonite, and have a friend's wedding to attend tomorrow. NG booked the concert at very short notice this morning, his strategy to manage my emotions is to keep us so busy there is no time for reflection I guess I should appreciate his efforts.
So, at least for this weekend, the lid is back on. Now though, I know there is a mess under the surface. This time, it seems my patience needs to be with myself.
Better to somehow get the anger taken care of then put a lid on it. I still have my moments of anger - I don't let my ex-b see that, but I did tell him that sometimes I still feel angry. He said he understood that. I don't let it eat at me, but I give it a few minutes (in my head) - allowing myself to beat up the ex-OW, or dreaming about what I COULD have done...like telling her that we were still ML, etc. I am glad I didn't - ex-b and I would likely not be where we are now if I had. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy the thoughts occasionally. I think it's better for me to allow the anger a few real minutes...as opposed to holding it in.
