YEP, I know, I swear these guys all memorize the same script.... and I think we all scratch our heads and wonder what the H--L they are talking about.......
It is so weird, but just ignore it....from my experience and what I've read here, it does go away and goes away faster if you ignore it. Frankly, I think a lot of it's classice MLC stuff, don't remember how old your H is, but sure sounds like it to me.
A friend of my BIL told me when he was in his 30's he did this same type of thing. He said, he was so sorry. He blew his M and his life has never been the same.
His advice to me was no never let pride stand in the way of anything that I need to do for my M. He is convinced that a Lot of M's end because someone is too foolish to correct mistakes and take ownership. He said, that foolish PRIDE is not worth your family!
Oh yeah , another story from the weekend. My SIL told me sometime ago that her brother and W were separating. He was wanting to move on yada, yada,yada. He is not IL.
Well, he left her she starting seeing someone. He flipped out on her and the guy because he caught them 2gether. They are now working on their M! WTF? He has been saying he doesn't want her for months b4 he moved out!!!!!!!!! Evidence that these guys are confused!!!!!!!
Yep, evidence that they are completely and totally mixed up and confused. I believe your BIL's friend has a very wise outlook, obviously it came along with his degree from the School of Hard Knocks.
I know it is scary but you wont' know till you try. if he rejects you just say ok have a good evening, bye.
Stick your toe in and test the waters!
Right now you can't go off anything he says or does. You can only know what you want. Do you want him back? Do you love him? Are you changing? Are the changes evident? Are you busy, friendly, calm? If yes is the answer to those, then to hell with him! You can only do so much, if he can't cut you some slack then cut yourself some! It's a hard situation in which h will be looking to find all the faults with you...you need to be your own fan club!
Don't be down. I think because you are putting a timeline on it you are pressuring yourself to SEE something happen. It don't work like that it only serves to make you anxious. don't think of it in terms of 3-months, 6-months, 2-weeks whatever. Just go day by day, moment by moment. Wake up tomorrow and say today I'm going to 1. be friendly, 2. be upbeat when I talk to h, 3. validate as much as I can, 4. don't argue about anything, 5. be ok with the way things are right now, 6. no r talk, 7. don't ask h how he feels what he thinks about d, 8. pamper yourself with one small thing (get that bestselling book, visit the antique shop, go for a pedicure, take a bubble bath, etc.), 9. feed your spiritual self.
Take a deep breath and LIVE each day. Just today! Leave tomorrow to itself and you'll make it for as long as h wants to play this game. You can do it. I did 19 months! The worst hell ever...to look at last year this time it's like night and day! WE are going to Schlitterbahn waterpark on Sunday. When we went last year, he wouldn't touch me or let me touch him, he was horrible said stuff like I had someone else I could have brought with me but not in front of the kids, made fun of my stomach, ml to me but afterwards rolled far across the bed with his back to me. Left me the keys to his apartment while he left for 2 weeks to ohio with the kids. While there I found the letter to ow, he wrote the night before he slept with me said he loved her and wanted to see her when he got back from ohio. God the pain was awful!
Now here we are going to Schlitterbahn on Sunday and it's new. We are in love.
Things can turn around for you just like that...it's a matter of what you believe. Cause my faith in God turned my situation around. God made marriage. How can a mere man tear that apart? And though we all have free will sometimes our RIGHT thinking can be warped by Satan's attack. Pray for you husband to be released from the bondage of Satan that is speaking the lies of d to him. Rebuke Satan in the name of Jesus to leave your spouse NOW! Watch the miracle.
I was taking my s to school this morning and H called on cell. S shocked me. He said, daddy, I want you home. It does not feel right without you there. H said, I don't know what to say. I don't think I am coming home. I guess he really means it. He wouldn't tell S that if he had a little hope for us even. I need to just realize that it is over. Do you think he would say that to a child if he had intentions of returning 1 day?
PS. He called my job yesterday morning to tell me we have a lwasuit with Poland Springs. I am thinkin' this couldn't wait until later. He says we will probably get about 12 grand and split it down the middle. I said cool, gotta go. He wants to make sure that I know he has no intentions on coming home.ARGHHHHHHHH Please Pray for us. Pray that Satan lets go of my H.
I think that I may have distanced myself too much from H. When I decided not to call him anymore (go dark), I may have been too short when he called me and really gave the impression that I do not want to be bothered.
I really don't think he will come back and I remember him saying at the 2 month mark, I fI wanted to be back, I would have been back already! We are now at the 6 mos mark. He still doesn't want to spend time together as a family or date..
I want to be his friend, but as strange as it may seem, I don't know how to start.
Just checking in on you. Your H sounds like a guy who's trying really hard to prove something. Which makes me think there is doubt in his head, and it's really himself he's trying to convince.
H told me at one point, sometimes when he called me, he had the irrational wish that things would be "back to normal."
Well Girl I hate to hear that. It sucks when our spouses cant make up their minds. The only thing I can say is to be strong and remember I am here for you. Have a good weekend!
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
Hi Nitaf - Courage, my friend. You have made changes and you LOVE the new you, remember?
Quote: I want to be his friend, but as strange as it may seem, I don't know how to start.
How about a dinner date, or the movies, or just coffee? You guys would probably still have a lot in common, most friendships are based on common ground, and leave out differences. I recall quoting somewhere else here, friendship is love with understanding. Go for it. Relax all expectations. Savour the moment.
Nitaf, what else is going on with you? I was just wondering how H feels about other people and things in your life.... Slowly
Saturday morning H called to asked me a question. When he was done, I said, I will talk with you later. He said, wait I have to asked you something else. H said, I have to get everything out when I call YOU since that is the only time I get to talk to YOU when I call YOU on the phone. Is this a cry for attention? I can't find the proper balance. ARGHHHHHHH
Cindy , I had a BBQ on Sat.. H's family, mine and friends were there. H was furious that he did not get a special invite. He only knew because mom was making me a fruit salad. S asked H, are you coming? He said, I didn't feel that I was invite. S said, Why? He said no one told me. He got there and everyone was happy to see him. He kept saying to everyone , maybe it wasn't meant for me to be here, maybe I wasn't invited. He made sure I was in ear shot. I didn't even respond, neither did anyone else. My SIL finally said, why do you need an invite to your own house? If you would bring your tail home you would know what is going on here. He didn't stay long, but he did come.
I want to buy H a gift. It is a really cool alarm clock. Is that pursuing? I haven't bought him anything since he has been gone, but he would love this clock.
Your H sounds like a guy who's trying really hard to prove something. Which makes me think there is doubt in his head, and it's really himself he's trying to convince. 