honeypot, you are one smart cookie! I bet that's it in a nutshell....long ago I asked him why he wasnt wearing his ring since we were still married and were "working on it"...he said, "I don't think I should now, do you?" so yeah, I bet he needed to get the boot, so to speak, to feel like he could.
I know he does feel terribly guilty for what he's done to her. I still say she had her eyes wide open when she went in to it, or if she didn't is pretty darn thick-headed herself.
Oh well, I don't care, it doesnt matter.....I just came from the other building and had to walk right by her in the hall, looked right at her, and felt....nothing.....absolutely nothing......no anger, no pity, no hate, no disgust, absolutely nothing....how weird is that? don't know if that means I've let go of it already or am still so in shock that it hasnt hit. I'm hoping I've let go of it....Lord knows I've had months, a year in fact, to come to terms with all this crap.....
You are all over the place, hon! That's okay, enjoy the euphoria. Doesn't it feel great???
Do be careful, you will crash in a few days...I wrote about it on my thread (link under my signature) over here in piecing.
But for now...be happy, smile, you proved you're better than OW any day. Any woman who would go after a married man...
BTW, H's "friend" I talked about earlier (from first sep) got mad at him, too. Got really hateful. Said she never wanted to talk to him, blah blah blah. Then she proceeded to come into the bar he worked at every single week on the same day. You could set a watch to it. He even told her not to ever come in...and she still did it. Probably not the most adult thing to do (and obviously before I ran across DB), but I used to give her evil looks...
At one point, she came in with some guy (after I was already there) and proceeded to get completely trashed and make a scene of how "happy" she was with that guy. Just hanging all over him. Clearly faking. H ignored her, was very brusque with giving her her drink orders. I had to leave (worked the next day) but he told me later that she fell apart, and was a complete crying mess after I left. Not sure if she was trying to make H jealous or what. But I thought it was kind of funny... (Okay, I admit it, I'm an evil person. I can't go into detail, but the way she manipulated my H was repulsive--used some very private, personal stuff against him in a way that just makes me sick. And is the reason why he hates her now.)
Okay, sorry for hijacking and venting about the b!tch. Clearly I still have some anger there. I haven't had too many people I could talk to about it, just H and one close friend. And with H, I can't really vent because he thinks I am trying to "punish" him or "drag up the past again." (Heavy guilt on his part.)
Sounds like you're having a great day! I'm off to the gym...
Hey Nevanna, vent here any, and every, time you want!!!! OP are pretty incredible people in their own right, IMHO....
And you are so very right that I'm ALL over the place today...absolutely.......I wish I could stay home by myself for a day or two to just let everything soak in....anyway, At least now H and I can start forward together on building the new M that we both need. I think he's looking forward to it as much as I am.....
Hey Deb - This is the best news in a looong time - GO YOU!!! You dbed your butt off, broke some old habits, gave him space - yeah you Tell us more. Slowly
Oh Deb that is soo great to hear. I'm so happy for you. Anor role model to add to my list. I pray everyday that same thing will happen to me eventually even though things look tough for me at the moment.
You go girl! You deserved it!!
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..
thanks BnB and Slowly....I am still in such a daze, I'm not sure where to go from here, and I keep being afraid H will go back to OW.....but from what I've seen/heard, she has a really pretty volatile personality, and if she told him she doesnt want to hear from him, I imagine she will make that perfectly clear and mean it when she says it.
Things are feeling pretty weird as we start this rebuilding phase. I'm so thankful we have vacation coming up in 10 days....we will be at a favorite mountain cabin for 10 days....a place all of us love, with many good memories and time to just enjoy each other and life....
I feel kind of torn about how to best relate to H right now....MY desire is to smother him with hugs and kisses and affection and to ML.....H is kind of "stand-offish"....hasn't shown any interest in ML , no long tender hugs and kisses yesterday, neither of us is sleeping well at all yet, however, he does say ILY, he IS wearing his wedding ring, wore it here to the same office where OW is for the first time in almost a year.....!!!!!!!He invited me to go for a walk with him last night, so we got to walk together for an hour, just chatted a little, both of us were kind of quiet....H lifted his weights and then came and sat at the table for a little bit where I was sitting...mostly we just sat quietly....It's almost like we are both so overwhelmed we don't know what to say....one weird thing though, when he got home last night he brought a purplish t-shirt I've never seen from somewhere and stashed it into the dirty clothes hamper....said "my shirt needs to be washed"....I didnt say anything or dig it out, but I bet anything it's something he gave her and got back.....for heavens sake, I never heard of getting back stuff like t-shirts.....she must really be washing her hands of him....If I look, I bet it's a Black Diamond Rock climbing shirt that he got last fall when he went to the mountains by himself.... Then this morning, as I walked by his dresser I noticed a little note pad with a light house (uh-oh) thats been on his dresser a long time....when I got out of the shower, I noticed it was not there any longer....I'm guessing it's a memento from OW that he put somewhere as a keepsake......Oh well, I have to keep reminding myself that IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER.......I am surprised that this hypervigilance is still with me....I still have to work to shut it down.....
Although H was a little "cooler" last night than he was over the weekend, he wasn't what you could call "cold", and he wasnt grumpy....I got a sense that he was kind of relieved.....It's hard to explain, but he just kind of seemed like a big burden had been lifted from him.....
I wanted to initiate ML last night so much, and didnt, because my instincts told me to let him lead, and that he was really needing "space"....so I didn't. This morning I told him that I have been "laying off" so to speak to give him space, not because I don't love him or want him. He said thanks, he was needing that and really needing sleep, so maybe I'm reading him right.
Since he's here where OW is today, I thought maybe he could use a little fun reminder of me, so I packed a little present in his lunch...we'll see what happens....every now and then I do a note or card...last week I found an old Pink Floyd CD that he doesnt have....I know it dates us, but they're one of his favorite groups, so I bought it for him. I wrapped it in notebook paper....on the outside I wrote "Open in Private.....Or not" and put a smiley face. On the inside I wrote "now that I have your attention, just wanted to tell you I thought of you when I saw this and thought you might enjoy it. Hope it's good. Have a good day, Love Deb"....I don't want to come on too strong yet, I believe he would perceive that as disrespectful, but I think he does like little gifts/things....often he'll send a thank you for a note or card.....
I bought several other CD's of old groups, so I can surprise him everynow and then with one....I have a few other ideas for surprises in mind.....so far non-sexual.... we'll see how it goes.......
You are so loving and kind to him, he is going to be so touched by the CD. These are the things, imo, that will surely draw him back to you. When he senses your unconditional love and allows himself to relax back into a loving groove with you, you will have him locked in your heart and OW will be a distant "what the hell was I thinking" memory for him.
Please think seriously about my proposal, if you aren't too wrapped up in that dang husband of yours.
Hi Honeypot, you sweetie! As soon as I figure out what to do with the spouse I've got, I'll put you at the top of the list! thanks for the encouragement....LOL, sometimes I think I need a wife like me!!!!! but hey, can I tell him I had a marriage proposal today? I mean, we talk about the importance of creating a little mystery, right? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........
I hope he'll like the CD.....think he will like the thought even if nothing else... I'm finding it's kind of fun to come up with little things to surprise him, and I am seeing tiny tiny signs that MR MACHO Football player/weight lifter/tough guy is starting to respond in kind....he still brings me coffee in bed in the mornings, still makes plans for movie nights, has started saying thanks for little things like meals, etc....so I'm cautiously excited to see where this morphing will take us and our marriage.
However, I'm hoping a flash of good old fashioned horniness will hit him soon....I warned him he was going to awaken a monster! tehehehehe
Wow, wow, wow! So happy for you! Just caught up on your situation and I could not be happier for you and your family. (I think your husband is the luckiest member of your family by far. )
Now I'm feeling kind of anxious....It's almost his lunch time (he'll probably have a break sometime between now and 2:30) what if he doesnt like the CD, or thinks it's too forward or something?????? I havent heard from him, of course I did suggest opening in private, so that may make him wait until he's alone....then I hope he's not disappointed it's not something spicier....Gosh, I'm insecure....good heavens, I don't know how he could not like the silly CD....I guess I'm also anxious that he's "over there" in the same building w/OW for the 1st time since Saturday....I guess I need to reread my post to remind myself that Saturday actually happened, I've wished for it so hard and long that it's hard to believe it actually did.... I'm so afraid he'll go back to OW....although after all the emotional turmoil of the weekend, surely not. And he did tell me months ago that I could count on him if he decided to recommit to us.....
You are all over the place, hon! 
That's okay, enjoy the euphoria. Doesn't it feel great??? 
I haven't had too many people I could talk to about it, just H and one close friend. And with H, I can't really vent because he thinks I am trying to "punish" him or "drag up the past again." (Heavy guilt on his part.) 
, no long tender hugs and kisses yesterday, neither of us is sleeping well at all yet, however, he does say ILY, he IS wearing his wedding ring, wore it here to the same office where OW is for the first time in almost a year.....!!!!!!!He invited me to go for a walk with him last night, so we got to walk together for an hour, just chatted a little, both of us were kind of quiet....H lifted his weights and then came and sat at the table for a little bit where I was sitting...mostly we just sat quietly....It's almost like we are both so overwhelmed we don't know what to say....one weird thing though, when he got home last night he brought a purplish t-shirt I've never seen from somewhere and stashed it into the dirty clothes hamper....said "my shirt needs to be washed"....I didnt say anything or dig it out, but I bet anything it's something he gave her and got back.....for heavens sake, I never heard of getting back stuff like t-shirts.....she must really be washing her hands of him....If I look, I bet it's a Black Diamond Rock climbing shirt that he got last fall when he went to the mountains by himself....
)