Okay, lots if my BB friends are taking a very understandable hiatus from the board, but since my thread is (for the moment)quiet and inoffensive I am going to continue on with it.
H and I had our first counseling appt today. It was HARD. Very, very HARD. At some points, I wanted to get up and run out of the room. It was just an intake, so we don't have any answers, just an appointment. Basically the conclusions we came: we don't know if we want to be married anymore, we have very little hope for a reconciliation, but for some reason we may still not be divorced. And oh yeah, my husband may have a sexual dependency problem.
FUN, FUN!!! But he is the one who really wants this counseling, but I know also we need it. I just didn't realize how hard and agonizing it would be. It is easier to forget about the problems than to face them and deal with them.
No spotting today - maybe the baby is fine. Because it has stopped, my doctor wants me to go ahead and wait until the appt unless I develop other symptoms.
Hugs to all,
Myrrh
Last edited by Lyrael; 06/03/0403:53 PM.
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I'm glad the spotting stopped. C sessions can be very hard. If you have a good C, they can be sooooo worth it. It's great that your H wants to be there. Take care of yourself!!!
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Myrrh, When I was pregnant with baby number 3 I bleed for the first three months.And when I was pregnant with my 5th child I got my period for the first 5 months of my preg.
Bleeding is scary but just take it easy and do what your doctor tells you.
Try not to worry.I know that is hard to do.I worried the whole time.But it isn't going to do you any good.
I'm sure your going to be ok.When is your due date.
Later Friend. Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
It's me again! I just spent a few moments catching up on the "Friends" thread...or should I say, the "enemies" thread? Wow. I just wanted to say that I appreciate the things you had to say. Speak on my behalf anytime!
Pam! Hello - you know I always love to see your smiling face. I am feeling better about life in general than I have in a long time. I am doing lots of great work in IC, and hopefully MC will be a good experience for us.
The strangest thing is happening...I am working on me and my self-esteem, and the more I do that, the easier it is to keep my emotions under control, and the less angry I am. I am learning about boundaries and how they protect me emotionally, and I am actually starting to be pretty happy with myself and my life.
My family continues to put in their two cents-my grandmother: I hope you know your parents' situation and yours are different. They have 23 years of history, and you have to put some effort into a marriage for it to be worth anything." Hey, Grandma, thanks for the vote of confidence!
But it doesn't bother me. I am stubborn, independent, and I make my own decisions. And that's okay. Right now I choose to have my H in my life, and I will keep things the way they feel and work best for me until I re-evaluate and decide something needs to be different.
I am working on ME! And life is really, really good - despite all the snags - marital problems, no money, job/boss stresses. It doesn't have to mean I am depressed - I look at my son, and I smile. I breathe in the scent of flowers on an evening breeze, and I smile. I look at myself in the mirror, and I smile. Because darn it, everything is going to be okay. No matter what everything turns out to be.
Wow! I was just going to post a few goals quick, and look what it turned into! Anyway, here are the weekend goals: 1)get the shtuff cleaned off the front porch 2) Rent some more movies tonight and relax with Salmost2 3) Take some space for myself this weekend to breathe and just BE (thanks to Pam - I think about that phrase all the time now!).
I am going out of town on Monday with my brother and sister - a day of younger generation family fun minus my little squirt - he'll be at grandma and grandpa's. That and movie night and Saturday evening church should be enough fun stuff to get me through the weekend.
Peace is the goal! Love to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
May I say that I am so proud of you! When you first mentioned anger management, I was happy that you recognized the need for help. Then, the subject kinda went away for awhile. I was hoping that you were still pursuing it. GO YOU! It is tough to admit your faults. It is really tough to work through them. But, you're seeing the benefits already...and I must say that I am SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS!
Oh, and I apologize... I realize I did not mention the baby. Congrats.
Pam and all - Yes indeed - I am working away at the anger management - the explosive outbursts of temper are actually my target behavior right now. It's hard, and I don't always act the way I want to, but I am learning.
Thank you for the congrats - I am hoping everything will go okay in that department...I finally broke down and went to the ER last night (spotting was a bit heavier, so I decided I couldn't wait until the normal appt), and I went for an ultrasound and got to see our little sprout's heartbeat. That was a good moment for me, but H said he is still afraid to be happy becase of that lovely phrase "threatened miscarriage." So I am at home relaxing and trying to take it easy; I really want to hold onto this little person.
I am still working hard for peace in my life - IT IS NEVER EASY. But it feels so good to be calm and have calm around me - unfortunately I think my being calm and relaxed or not that way rubs off on my family...they do need me to be as stable as I can be, I think.
Not a lot to report today - I will probably see H tomorrow - I think I am going to go raid the freezer for a Dreamsicle right now, and then sit down and read until my munchkin wakes up from his nap.
Love you all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
