At this point I don't call H regularly at work becuase I feel like I'm pursuing, pushing, don't want to bother him, feel that he really doesn't want to talk to ME, worried about his cellphone minutes which I don't know why I do as H uses it as him main phone, even at home. That if he doesn't answer his cell or has it turned off that he's avoiding ME. I do have a lot of excuses don't I? And, I don't NEED to talk to him during the day, but I see what you're saying. It's giving me lots to think about.
I do the little cards in his lunch. Put a cupcake in there today with little hearts all over it. He's never once commented on the cards and I've never asked either. Some days I wish he would comment on them, but it's okay if he doesn't. I feel good.
Last night H picked up S from daycare. I came home, made dinner, or should say we had a potluck since we all ate something different.
I've been looking for a gas grill. Been using a little smoky joe, but once the charcoal was gone, decided it was time to get a gas grill. We went to the store, I started looking and my first thought was to go to another store to look there and then no buy one--Which is what I DO. But H was with me and I knew I couldn't do that. So we picked the one we wanted, got it loaded in the truck and drove home.
As we were driving home I said to H it was a good thing you were with me, I wouldn't have been able to decide on one and said I wanted to go look at another store. In fact, if you wouldn't have been with me I wouldn't have even bought one. H just smiled.
H was flirty last night and I was flirty back. He does such teenager things. He took the phone and dialed our home number, he was in the kitchen, I was in the living room and then answered it and said "it's for you"
H's plans for the weekend fell through, so I told H that my brother had called me to let me know they weren't going to be using their cabin for the next couple of weekends. That we could use it or if H wanted to just go H could too. I heard H on the phone with his S20 and he was going to see if he could get off work this Friday so that they could go up north. S20's mom has a cabin so I just assumed they were going to there.
A little later in the evening, H asked me if I was going up North? I said "not by myself" and H said with us to my brother's cabin. I said "yes" See last weekend he asked me if I was going to my brother's cabin, too, but H was going on his own up north, thus the confusion on my part when H asked last night.
So we are taking a family trip to my brother's cabin and it's finally finished!! It's been two years since we've all been up there together.
I was really thrown off balance last night, what with the way we were getting along so well. Sat up for awhile while H and S slept, needed to find my balance again.
So we're at the dinner table tonight, H says he's going to start working ten hour days at work, starting tomorrow. I say are we still going up north? H says I never said I was going for sure. I said well didn't SS20 ask to take off work to go? H says yep, "so he'll get a day off from work won't he then? I said, I don't think S20 wants a day off, he took off to go up north. So then H asks me what we're going to do up at there? I said fish. H asked me what I was going to do? I didn't respond. Then H said how are we all going to go, I only have a three person truck. I said I know I thought of that. I said why don't you and sons go then? Or I can drive myself.
It doesn't matter to me if we go or not, it's that H is now acting like he never committed to going up, that he doesn't know if he's going up. Last night he sounded like he was going? I told my brother we were going up there, too.
This is actually normal behavior for my H and used to drive me batty in the past. Is it a control thing? I just don't get it some days.
I'd be perfectly fine hanging around here and am thinking after what H said tonight that I should go ahead and make my plans for the weekend. If H wants to go him and the boys can go, I don't need to go.
Yes, Cathy, it is a control thing!! It's these kind of conversations when you can't pin them down that drive us batty!! I always feel like, well, we're doing xyx, unless he gets a better offer. So, make plans for you. Call SS20 and see what he wants to do.
Honestly, from just reading your thread, your H will go north. Have you told H son probably only wanted to spend time together as a family?
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Cathy, Instead of confronting him, why don't you just "act as if" you are all going? I see a vicious circle here. Him saying something, him backing out, you confronting him. Do a 180.
You drive up too. You know you need to get away! And going on a trip with one's family can be so fun! Go, girl! And quit tucking your tail between your legs and running into the cave. If you want to go, go!
I guess I should just plan on going, that we are all going. It is a control thing, as I said he does this all the time, I'm not going here or there, so and so never comes to see me, why should I go, blah, blah and then the day of H is miracuously going.
My niece is graduating next Friday and there is a dinner after and then a party the next day. Right away H says "I'll make sure I have plans to do something else" This is my favorite niece so I will be attending everything, SS20 will be coming to the party on Saturday. When I told SS20 that H wasn't going to nephew/cousin's graduation party last weekend, SS20 said "What?!" "Isn't it a given?" Even SS20 knows it doesn't matter if you want to go or not, some activities/events are a "given", you go. When I was younger, my dad used to say "you don't HAVE to do anything, BUT you're going" and that was he meant.
I should also mention that H has been acting really strange lately, good strange. Like he likes me or wants to date me..in a flirty, teasing way...like a teenager. He drove into the driveway last night and I was outside on the phone with a friend. I made eye contact with him and he had this "interested" look in his eye, like those construction workers have when you walk by their site, so I gave him this "eyebrow raising half smile."
He asked me to go pick up a prespription for him last night. He dropped it off and didn't want to wait. I said that's fine, H gave me his checkbook and said to finish writing out the check when I got there.. I DID not snoop through it either.
He's been back in our bed since he came back from up north. Last night he asked me if I wanted to set my alarm for 4:30, he has to start at 5:30 now. I said that's fine, I've been getting up early, H said I'll sleep downstairs and said it few other times, I kept reassuring him it was fine. I think he was waiting for me to say I liked having him back in are bed or something like that and I didn't, blew it. When I came to bed, he woke up and came close to me, like he was cold..I said "are you cold" to which H said "yes" and got up and got another blanket to put on the bed..duhhh...I'm so dense sometimes. He wanted to be by me. Oh well one day I'll get it.
Again, I'm a little off balance here with H drawing closer, again. H is different and I'm not used to this new H yet. Then again thinking this is too good to be true, somethings going to give, somethings going to send him back to where he was.
Maybe it's that he's getting more comfortable being out of the tunnel? I don't know, but it's throwing me. The last few days I've been expecting him to not come home after work, to all of a sudden decide he has to "go somewhere" once he does get home. When he was writing out the check last night, we were by his truck and kept thinking he was going to give me the checkbook and get in his truck and leave.
Quote: Time to put on your red cape and become Miss Super Act As If! How would you be acting if you KNEW everything was all right between you and your H?
And this is where I say "me" you're asking "me" and my mind goes blank. Gosh, I feel like my H is 180'ing ME. Hmmmm this might be fun!
which I don't know why I do as H uses it as him main phone, even at home. That if he doesn't answer his cell or has it turned off that he's avoiding ME. I do have a lot of excuses don't I? 
I said "not by myself" and H said with us to my brother's cabin. I said "yes" See last weekend he asked me if I was going to my brother's cabin, too, but H was going on his own up north, thus the confusion on my part when H asked last night.
